Customer: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my taco.
Waiter: Yeah, they can't handle the spicy jalapenos.

Q. Why are fine restaurant waiters so good at multiplication?
A. Because they know their tables!

Customer: Waiter, is this a joke? This isn't a burrito. It has a hamburger bun.
Waiter: We're sorry. No bun intended.

Customer: There's no chicken in this chicken soup!
Blonde Waiter: Duh, there's no horse in the horseradish, either.

Customer: This food is repeating on me!
Waiter: Great to know. We love repeat business.

Customer: Is there soup on the menu today?
Waiter: No sir, I already wiped it off.

IHOP Customer: Waiter, will the pancakes be long?
Waiter: No sir, they'll be round.

Q. What do you call a beach eatery where the waitresses wear bikinis?
A. A Breast-aurant.

Customer: There's a fly drowning in my bowl of breakfast cereal!
Waiter: Just throw him a Cheerio; those make great life preservers.

Waiter: Sir, you haven't touched your Jell-O?
Customer: Yeah, I'm waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampoline.

Customer: This chicken is nothing but skin and bones.
Waiter: Sorry sir, I didn't know you wanted feathers with that.

Waiter Serving Soup: It looks like rain today.
Customer: Yes, but it smells like soup!

Customer: What is the name of the dessert with espresso over ice cream?
Italian Restaurant Waiter: Affogato.
Customer: Yeah, I can't think of its name, either...

Did you hear about the barista who got fired from the coffee house for wearing a T-shirt?

Customer: This coffee tastes like dirt!
Blonde Waiter: Yes sir, that's because it was ground this morning.

Customer: Watch out! Your thumbs are in my coffee!
Waiter: Don't worry sir, it's not that hot.

Q. How many waitresses does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. Two to whine about it, and one to get the manager.

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Waiter: You certainly do! This is a restaurant!

Waiter: Sir, you know the food here is really bad, so why do you keep coming back?
Customer: Sigh, it reminds me of my ex-wife's cooking.

Waiter: Why didn't you prepare all the dishes on that long list?
Chef: Because I'm a short order cook.

Customer: Why doesn't your menu list the prices?
Waiter: They don't want to make you sick before you've eaten.

Customer: Why hasn't the Board of Health closed this place down?
Waiter: They're afraid to eat here.

Seafood Restaurant Waiter: Sorry to keep you waiting. Your order will be ready soon.
Customer: What kind of bait are you using?

Customer: There's a spider in this glass.
Waiter: Yes sir, it keeps the flies away.

Waiter: As you can see sir, we have a great selection on our menu.
Customer: Yeah, but please bring me a clean one.

Blonde Customer: Waiter, there's a hand in my soup.
Waiter: Duh, that's not your soup, that's your finger bowl.

Customer: There's a twig in my soup.
Waiter: One moment. I'll get the restaurant branch manager.

Customer: There's a bee in my alphabet soup!
Waiter: Yes sir, there's also an A, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K...

Waiter: Sir, why are you taking so long to order?
Customer: I can't decide if I want nausea, heartburn, or flatulence.

Customer: I found a ring in my soup.
Waiter: Oh, that must belong to the chef. Let me know if you find his finger.

Customer: Why doesn't this diner have any specials?
Waiter: Seriously? Nothing about this joint is special.

Customer: The sign outside says "Just Like Mother Used to Make."
Waiter: Yes sir, Mom was a terrible cook.

Q. What did the customers do when the bill for their dinner didn't seem quite right?
A. The asked the waiter to check please.

Customer: Waiter, this pepperoni tastes funny.
Waiter: Then, why aren't you laughing?

Customer: Do you have spaghetti on the menu today?
Waiter: No sir, I already cleaned it off.

Customer: There's a cochroach on my steak.
Vegan Waiter: Yes sir, they don't seem to care what they eat.

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: No sir, that's a spider. The fly is on your steak.

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in the salsa.
Waiter at Chipotle: Oh, don't worry. The spider in your taco will get him.

Customer: Bring me a burrito.
Waiter at Denver's Club 404: Yes sir, with pleasure!
Customer: NO, with green chile!

The chef flew into a rage with his new waiter. "Didn't I tell you to notice when the soup boiled over?" The waiter replied, "I did ­ it was at 4:25."

Customer: There's something wrong with my hot dogs.
Waiter: Sorry to hear that sir. But, I'm a waiter, not a vet.

Customer: Give me a hot dog.
Waiter: With pleasure.
Customer: No, with mustard!

Customer: There's a worm on my plate.
Waiter: Yes sir, you ordered the wurst.

Customer: My lunch is talking to me.
Waiter: Yes sir, that's why I don't recommend the tongue sandwich.

Customer: Do you have frog legs?
Waiter: Yes, sir.
Customer: We'll hop on over here and bring me a grilled cheese sandwich.

Waiter: These are the freshest eggs we've had all year.
Customer: I'd prefer eggs that haven't been around that long...

Customer: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Force of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my wine!
Waiter: Yes ma'am, you asked for a house red with a little body in it.

Q. What do sommeliers think about Painful wine Puns?
A. They're grape. In fact, they are absolutely de-vine!

Customer: There's a caterpillar in my salad!
Waiter: Sorry madam, I didn't realize you were a vegetarian.

Customer: Waiter, this salad is frozen solid!
Waiter: Yes ma'am, that's because the chef used iceberg lettuce.

Customer: There is a button in my lettuce!
Waiter: Sorry sir, that must have come off while the salad was dressing.

Customer: Waiter, there's a small slug in this salad.
Waiter: Sorry sir, would you like me to get you a larger one?

The Amish waiter was shocked when I asked for my salad served naked. He smiled when I explained that meant without dressing.

Customer: Why don't you have doggie bags here?
Waiter: Sir, that would be cruelty to animals.

Customer: I found a hair in my turtle soup.
Dumb Waiter: Dude, really? That means the turtle and the hare finally got together!

Impatient Customer: How long do I have to wait for the turtle soup?
Waiter: Well sir, you do realize turtles are really slow...

Doctor McCoy: Do you serve crabs here?
Enterprise Mess Officer: Yes sir. Please have a seat.

Customer: There's a fly in the butter.
Waiter: Yes sir, that's a butterfly.

Customer: Waiter, there's a hornet in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir. It's the fly's day off.

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Don't worry sir, the spider on your breadsticks will get it.

Customer: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
Waiter: Yes, sir. Our soup is really hot.

Q. What did the waiter call the panhandler outside a restaurant?
A. Oven mitt

Q. What happened when the cocktail waitress spilled the vodka?
A. It was an Absolut loss.

The boss at the pub approached the bartender and asked if he'd been sleeping with the waitress. The bartender said, "No." Boss replied, "Good. Then you go fire her."

When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, the customer said, "Well, I guess this one's on me?"

Customer: I cannot eat this meal!
Waiter: Why not? It looks okay to me.
Customer: Because you didn't bring me a fork!

Customer: How long have you been working as a waiter?
Waiter: I just started today.
Customer: Oh, so you're not the one who took our order...

Customer: Bring me a burrito.
Waiter: Yes sir, with pleasure!
Customer: NO, with cheese!

Customer at the Mexican Food Restaurant: Waiter, this green chile rellano tastes funny.
Waiter: Then, why aren't you laughing?

Q. Why do waitresses at Hooters wear push-up bras?
A. Because they work in a breastaurant!

Dumb Customer: The crust on this apple pie was way too tough.
Waiter: Sir, that was the pie pan.

Customer: What is this fly doing on my ice cream sundae?
Waiter: Sir, I believe it's skiing.

Customer: There's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Couldn't be, sir. The chef used them all in the raisin bread.

Restaurant Point to Ponder: Is the head waiter called the chop steward?

Customer: Waiter, this soup is spoiled.
Waiter: Who told you that?
Customer: A little swallow.

Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?
Waiter: Learning to read?

Customer: Waiter, what is this?
Waiter: It's bean soup.
Customer: I don't care what it's been. What is it now?

Circus Clown Customer: Waiter, this food tastes funny.
Creeped Out Waiter: Then why aren't you laughing?

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