Q. How do you get rid of lazy tomato employees?
A. Can them!

Q. How can you tell if your tomatoes drink alcohol when you're not looking?
A. They're tomato sauced!

Ripe Tomato Fact of the Day: Vegetable puns make me feel good from my head tomatoes.

Q. What did the pasta say to the tomato?
A. Don't get too saucy with me!

Q. Why did Miss Tomato turn red?
A. She saw Mr. Green Pea over the fence!

Did you hear about the condiment race? Relish is in the lead, but mustard mayo ketchup soon!

Q. Why was the blonde chef crushing tomotoes with her upper legs?
A. She was making Peak 'o de Thigh-o. Duh!

Q. Why did the chef stir parsley into his pureed tomatoes?
A. Because it's soup herb!

Q. Why are tomatoes such notorious procrastinators?
A. They'd rather wait 'til tomato!

Q. Which tomato variety smells the best?
A. A Roma.

Q. What did the momma tomato say to the baby tomato?
A. Catch Up!

Tomato Point to Ponder: If tomatoes are a fruit, then is ketchup a smoothie? Or, is ketchup a jam?

Q. Why did the tomato and the corn fall in love?
A. Tom whispered sweet nothings into her ear.

Q. What do you call a red potato that tries to pass as a tomato?
A. An imi-tater!

Q. Why did the tomato cross the road?
A. To ketchup with his friends.

Q. How can you tell if you've got drunk tomatoes?
A. The can says stewed tomatoes.

Q. Which kind of tomatoes like Vegas?
A. Diced tomatoes.

Tomato Pick-Up Line: Are you ketchup? 'Cause I'm mustard and we should get together on a weiner.

Q. What do zombie tomatoes say when they knock on your door?
A. Lettuce in!

Q. Why did the tomato stop in the middle of the road?
A. It ran out of juice.

Q. Who wrote the kitchen condiment book, Please Pass On the Ketchup?
A. May O. Nays.

A guy rubbed some ketchup in his eyes. But, in Heinz sight, that was not a good idea...

Q. What did the sour dill pickle say to the cherry tomato?
A. Hey Sweetie, why are you blushing?

Q. Why are tomatoes considered to be the fastest fruits?
A. 'Cause no others can ketchup.

Q. What is ketchup's favorite dance?
A. The Salsa!

Q. What's the worst thing about salsa dancing?
A. Getting the tomato stains out of your clothes afterward.

Q. What did the coach say to the slow tomato runner?
A. Red, you'd better catch up!

Q. How was the first tomato condiment container designed?
A. It all started with a sketchup.

Q. What do tomatoes do at their high school reunions?
A. They ketchup with old friends.

Q. Why do bacon, lettuce, and tomatoes have the lowest IQs?
A. Because they're in-bread. OUCH!

Tomato and lettuce had a race. The lettuce was a head, and the tomato was in the ketchup place.

Q. What did a momma tomato say to a bratty teenage tomato?
A. Don't get saucy with me!

Saucy Point to Ponder: You say tomato, and I say tomato. Well, it's hard to see the difference... Maybe the corn is laughing?

Q. What do you call it when a Yiddish tomato farmer jumps around and complains?
A. Kvetch-hop.

Q. Which variety of slicing tomato do home gardeners in Hollywood prefer?
A. Celebrity.

Q. Why couldn't the tomato roll down the hill faster than the lettuce and onions in the vegetable race?
A. Because tomatoes are fruits, not veggies!

Q. How is life like ketchup?
A. Good things in life come forth slowly and are worth waiting for.

Foodie Fun Fact of the Day: It isn't widely known that the sound a tomato makes when it sneezes is "Ketchup!"

Q. Why does Santa grow tomatoes during the his off season?
A. He likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

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