Wine lover's humor: I drink wine because I don't like to keep things bottled up!   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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Wine Lover's Wisdom: If you can't be with the one you love, love the wine you're with!
Q. What is a blonde's idea of a balanced diet? A. A glass of wine in each hand!
Wine Glass Says: Happy Vin's Day!
Wine lover's humor: Sometimes we all need a riesling to be cheerful!
Hangover: The Wrath of Grapes

 


Tasty Wine Jokes, Vino Humor, Funny Wine Puns
Select vintage wine jokes, vino laughs, white wino puns, vineyard humor and fine wine jokes.

Wine Jokes, Whiny Puns, Wine Lover's Humor
(Because Wine Snob Jokes and Vintage Puns Couldn't Be Too Mainstream While You're Sipping on a Nice Merlot!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Vineyard humor, vino jokes, and grape puns to cellar-brate ahead.
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Wine Lover's Humor: Love the Wine You're With!Wine riddle: Q. What do you call the world's best wine storage room? A. Number one best ellar!Wine Humor: Q. Which breed of dog can bring you a glass of red wine? A. The bordeaux vollie!

Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!

Q. Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
A. Because wine snobs hate them!

Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!

Wine Fact of the Day: An empty wine bottle is filled with happy memories!

Wine Lovers Thought of the Day: Where there's wine, there's a way.

I'm a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.

Somebody mentioned I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine. I'm confused. What's leftover wine?

Q. How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
A. By the blanc look on her face.

Q. Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
A. Because it was too corky.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two time a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a litle wine and some good food. She goes on Friday, and I go on Saturday.

Q. Why do we love wine puns?
A. Because they're grape!

Q. Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
A. Because they're de-vine!

Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!

Wine Humor: Women are like fine wine. They get more expensive with age!Snarky Wine Humor: Some thiings are better left unsaid, but I'll probably drink a glass of wine and say them anyway!Women

Q. What time do ladies drink wine?
A. At Wine O'Clock.

Q. How can you tell you drink too much wine?
A. The phlebotomist needs to use a corkscrew to get a blood sample from you.

Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, you're eyes are as sparkling as this glass of champagne.

"I cook with food. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
– W.C. Fields

Q. Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
A. Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.

Q. How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
A. On a cruise sip.

Q. Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
A. She was tired of raisin a family.

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for the health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and stellar dance moves!

Q. Why does your grandma like wine so much?
A. Because at her age, she needs glasses!

Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.

Breath-taking wine humorWomen's Wine Joke: What's the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot every time!Wine Humor: I am a wine enthusiast! The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get!

Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.

My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!

Forgive me, for I have zinned!

"Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should only be sipped, but with others, drink the whole bottle." – Paulo Coelho

I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. A coincidence? I think not.

"Great wine requires a mad man to grow the vine, a wise man to watch over it, a lucid poet to make it, and a lover to drink it."
– Salvador Dali

Q. Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
A. Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey there Red, would you like to plant a vineyard on me?

I told my wife that a man is like fine wine; husbands get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.

Wine Lovers Tip of the Day: Life is too short to drink bad wine.

Yoga Class? Whoa, I thought you said pour a glass...

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey there Red, I'd like nothing more than to lay you sideways.

A tattooed barmaid limerickWine Joke: Have you seen the new sitcom about runk women It's called "Whose Wine Is It Anyway?"Lush Humor: Can you drink alcohol for breakfast? Wine not?

Wine Lovers Pun of the Day: Seven days without wine makes one weak.

"I will drink milk when cows eat grapes."
– Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec

Wine Point to Ponder: It's funny how breaking a wine glass gives you good luck, breaking a mirror gives you seven years of bad luck, and breaking a condom gives you...

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, Wow! And I thought my wine had nice legs!

I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them!

Q. What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
A. I am drinking wine and feline fine!

"Wine is the most civilized thing in the world."
– Ernest Hemingway

Q. How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
A. They crashed a small boat into it.

Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have become wine.

Q. Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
A. Through the grapevine.

Vintage Trivia: A meal without wine is called breakfast.

My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."

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