Q. What is the world's most popular wine? A. I don't like Brussels sprouts!   PainfulPuns.com - Bartender Puns, Beer Jokes, Bar Humor!

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Snarky Wine Humor: Some thiings are better left unsaid, but I'll probably drink a glass of wine and say them anyway!
Wine Lover's Humor: Love the Wine You're With!
Wine Says: Happy Red's Day!
Glass of Wine Says: Wow, it's vinally Friday!
Toasting Fish Says: Hello Saturday, Glad we're here again, my dear friend!


Wine Drinking Jokes, Connoisseur Puns, Vino LOLs
Uncork some laughs with fine wine jokes, humor grapeness, vineyard laughs and fruity puns.

Wine Humor, Grape Puns, Wine Lovers Jokes
(Because Cheesy Wine Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream and It's Always Wine O'Clock Here! Cheers!)
Warning: Proceed with Due Caution! Bottled up humor, vintage vino jokes, and corky wine puns ahead.
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Wine lover's joke: It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There's clearly room for more wine!Funny wine thought: Sometimes we all need a Riesling to be happy!Wine lover's humor: I drink wine because I don't like to keep things bottled up!

Q. What did Merlot say after a long day's work?
A. Time to uncork, or at least unwind.

Q. Do we feature painful wine puns here?
A. You can bet Shiraz we do!

I drank so much wine last night, that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.

Q. Which day of the week do vintners celebrate?
A. Winesday!

Q. What did the wise aged bottle of wine say to the bottle of wine that lost its cork?
A. Don't worry. Everything happens for a Riesling.

Money can't buy happiness. Are you kidding? Yes it can, if you use it to buy Merlot!

Q. How did the Merlot star feel after its cabernet performance went grape?
A. On Cloud Wine!

Q. What did the bottle of Merlot say when he cannonballed into the pool?
A. Bottoms up!

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.

Vino Fun Fact of the Day: Wine flies when you're having fun!

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, I've heard drinking wine makes me look sexy, so have another bottle.

In NYC folks hail taxis. In Napa Valley, they hail cabs.

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, you are as intoxicating as fortified wine!

Wine Humor: Is a wine hangover the wrath of grapes?Wine Joke: Did you hear about the new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic? It's called Pinot More!Wine Lover's Wisdom: If you can't be with the one you love, love the wine you're with!

Q. How did the Chablis feel after its performance?
A. On cloud wine.

Did you know that wine does not make you fat? In fact, it makes you lean ... against walls, chairs, tables, and ugly people.

Q. When shouldn't you serve red wine at room temperature?
A. When you live in an igloo or ice palace.

In victory, you deserve champagne. In defeat, you need it.
– Napoleon Bonapart.

Wine lover's welcome mat reads: "We only serve the finest vintage wines. Did you bring any?"

Q. How can you change wine to urine, and lemons to demons?
A. Sloppy cursive.

Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
– Mark Twain.

Q. What are Moms made of?
A. Coffee, wine, and everything fine.

Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, I'd like to go inside your cellar and pull me out a stiff one!

Q. What sort of comments did the vintner mumble after he didn't win the wine competition?
A. Sour grapes.

Q. When is National Wine Day?
A. Seriously? When isn't it?

I do not like whiny and cheesy people, but I DO like wine and cheese people!

Q. Why are the cheese and the wine such good friends?
A. Because they pair so well together.

It's Daylight Saving Time! So remember to change your wine clock from red to white!

Always keep a bottle of Champagne in the fridge for special occasions. Sometimes, the special occasion is that you've got a bottle of Champagne in the fridge.
– Hester Browne.

A raisin wined about not acheiving grapeness.Wine Humor: What is it called when you get a hangover from drinking wine? A. The grape depression!Wine Joke: What is a great name for a sommelier? A. Merl O. Daily

Penicillin cures, but wine makes people happy.
– Alexander Fleming.

Q. What do snooty connoisseurs call French bread with a wine-like aroma?
A. Nose scones.

Q. What did the green wine grape say to the purple grape?
A. Breathe, Breathe!

Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.
– Joan Collins.

There comes a point during the day, when whatever the question is, the only answer is wine.

Bummer, I knocked over a glass of chablis, but it wasn't much to wine about.

Q. Where do wine connoisseurs lock up their vino collection?
A. In a wine cabernet.

Vintage Factoid of the Day: Wine is Win followed up with a little e. True story.

Raising children takes a village, preferably a village with a lot of vineyards.

Q. What time do ladies drink wine?
A. At Wine O'Clock.

I don't need a reason to enjoy a little wine. I just need a glass.

Q. What did the wine lover do when realized he'd already tasted too much?
A. He ordered a cab!

Wine Wisdom: I decide which wine vintage to drink on a case by case basis.

Q. How do you know vino is fickle?
A. It's motto is: Love the Wine Your With.

Q. What is a blonde's idea of a balanced diet? A. A glass of wine in each hand!Wine humor: I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a glass of wine, but I already have one!It's funny how eight glases of water a day seems impossible, yet eight glasses of wine can be done in one meal!

Less Whine. More Wine!

Q. What is the difference between a bottle of wine and a prostitute?
A. The older the bottle of wine, the more you have to pay for it.

I tried cooking with wine, but it didn't go that well. After five glasses, I forgot why I was even in the kitchen to begin with?

Q. Why was the Interlaken grape so sad now?
A. Because it was just crushed.

Healthy Wine Point to Ponder: My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath. But, I can't even finish drinking the bath...

Reality is just an illusion that occurs due to a lack of wine.

Q. Why aren't wine grapes ever lonely?
A. Because they come in bunches.

I've never owned a vineyard, but I'm pretty sure I've drank an entire one by now...

Your lips are like wine and I want to get drunk.
– William Shakespeare.

Fine Wine Fact of the Day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Q. What is the best thing about wine?
A. Everything!

Some guy said this non-alchoholic wine was delcious, but I said he had no proof.

Q. Should you enjoy a glass of red before noon?
A. Wine not!

Vino Point to Ponder: Sometimes I think I'm a bad mother because I don't like wine?

Q. Where do grapes go for a quick breakfast?
A. To a winer.

A truck carrying red wine vinegar collided with an olive oil truck at the nudist camp. First responders reported everyone there was well dressed.

| Wine Jokes, Vino Puns | 2 | 3 | Ladies Night Bar Jokes | Man Drinking Jokes, Guy In a Bar LOLs |
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You've red this far, so here's a Riesling for more bottoms up laughter,
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