What is the difference between American teenage girls and
young Muslim girls?
A. American teenage girls get stoned before they
How do we know they played cards in biblical times?
A. 'Cause Noah sat on the deck.
How do you describe a tailor that won't make clothing for
A. Non habit forming.
Why did the woman exclusively dress in black?
A. Because her fashion sense was second to nun.
Why is a beer better than religion?
A. Nobody has ever been crucified, burned at the stake,
or hanged due to which craft beer they drink.
satanist, a demon, and the devil walk into a bar. Bartender
says, "Get the hell outta here!"
What is the difference between a nun and a nurse?
A. A nun only serves one God.
What is a shooting in a church called?
A. A mass murder.
What is a bomb in a Catholic church called?
A. A weapon of Mass destruction.
What was Eve's role in the garden?
A. Eden mother.
What did the preacher, who sells Avon on the side, say at
A. Let us spray.
Which blessing can anyone get from a priest if they pay
A. A penny-diction.
What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A. Turn right and go straight.
What happened when the cannibal found religion?
A. He only eats Catholics on Fridays.
What did the guy who adores a sacred Hindu mantra so much
A. He hung up a tapestry that said, "Om, Sweet Om."
Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A. Because they never let anyone finish a sentence.
What's the difference between a Jewish wife and a Catholic
A. A Jewish wife has real diamonds and the Catholic wife
has real orgasms.
Why is circumcision still so popular?
A. Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not
at least 15% off.
Do old rabbis ever die?
A. No, they just get a little gray at the temples.
Do old rabbis ever die?
A. No, they just Passover.
Point to Ponder: If Jesus didn't pay for our sins with cash
or credit, did he use PrayPal?
What did the perfume company call their new fragrance that
captures the very aroma of paradise?
A. Heaven Scent.
Which Bible character didn't have parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Which famous Italian friar and philosopher was actually
a great horseman?
A. St. Thomas Equinas.
Why didn't the Little Drummer Boy get through the pearly
A. He woke the baby, for Christ's sake!
Which kind of dinosaurs were religious cult leaders?
What do you call a monk who's also an attorney?
A. A brother-in-law.
Who was the smallest man in the Bible?
A. David. He was a ruler, so he was only 12 inches tall.
Which pants do you wear to church?
A. Hole-y ones.
you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial
What warning is included in the monk's new book, Religious
Poetry Writing for Dummies?
A. Psalm assembly required.
Funny Religious Hyprocrisy: When a Jehovah's Witness doesn't
celebrate Halloween because he doesn't like random people
ringing his doorbell.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
atheist, a vegan, and a Crossfitter walk into a bar. I only
know because they told everyone within the first three minutes.
Which kind of corn is the holiest?
A. Pope Corn.
Which kind of debts might only be settled by some divine
A. Accounts prayable.
Why don't old religious wars ever die?
A. God, that's a really good question?
Do old ministers ever die?
A. No, they just get put out to pastor.
Which North American canines caught a ride on Noah's boat?
A. Ark-tic wolves.
preachers never die, they just ramble on and on and on...
Why is beer better than religion?
A. Beer has never caused a major war.