A shoe salesman, a pirate, and a clown jog into a bar. The bartender says, "What? Is this some kind of a joke about La Feet?"

Shoe Salesman Wisdom: Never tell a woman she can't purse-shoe her dreams!

Q. Why didn't the guy want help selling his merchandise?
A. 'Cause he could vend for himself.

Q. Why was the door-to-door salesman doing so well at his new job?
A. 'Cause he was selling No Soliciting signs...

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!

Salesman Speak Decoded: When a vendor says, "Have I got a deal for you!," it means he's selling cars now instead of working the tables in Vegas.

Q. What did the guy say when the salesman asked if he wanted to buy some geared cogwheels?
A. He said, "No, keep your pinions to yourself."

Q. Which TV game show do salesmen watch during their lunch hour?
A. Let's Make a Deal.

Q. What did the very first hotcakes salesman say about his profitable new business?
A. Sales are unprecedented!

Punful Groaner of the Day: Bummer, the Velcro sales rep recently passed away. RIP...

Q. Why did the vaccum cleaner door-to-door salesman quit his job?
A. The customers used dirty language.

Q. Why did the vaccum cleaner salesman quit his job?
A. The pay was dirt cheap.

Q. How did the old vacuum cleaner salesman die?
A. He bit the dust.

Q. Why was the shoe salesman always dancing around on the job?
A. 'Cause he had a lot of sole.

Q. Why did the toilet paper salesman retire from the job?
A. He was completely wiped out.

Q. Why shouldn't you buy helium party balloons from a commitment-phobic salesman?
A. 'Cause there are no strings attached!

Q. Why did the go-getter salesman quit his job at Nike?
A. He just couldn't do it anymore.

Q. Why did the power tools salesman quit his job?
A. He saw no future in it.

Q. What did the carpet salesman give his wife on their anniversary?
A. Rugs and kisses.

Q. Why did the blanket salesman join the police force?
A. Because he liked working under cover.

Q. Why did the generic duct tape salesman quit his job?
A. He just couldn't stick with it.

Q. Why did the clock salesman decide to quit his joh?
A. He always had too much time on his hands.

Q. Why did the salesman go to a shrink?
A. He couldn't stop talking to himself and ended up with a garage full of stuff he didn't want!

Q. Why did the telemarketer quit his job?
A. 'Cause talk is cheap.

Q. Why did the Scotch Tape sales rep quit his job?
A. Customer relations were sticky.

Gun Salesman: Noh, buy this rifle instead.
Customer: Why?
Salesman: This one is a better bang for the buck.

Q. Which kind of bird salesmen always stick together?
A. Vel Crows!

Q. Whath was the reason the pantyhose salesman quit the job?
A. Too many snags.

Q. Why did the vodka salesman quit his job?
A. Becuase the pay was the Absolut worst.

Q. Why did the battery salesman quit his job?
A. He no longer got a charge out of it.

Q. What is the bicycle salesman's official job title?
A. Company Spokesman.

Q. Why did the motor home salesman quit his job?
A. There was nowhere to go at that company.

Q. Wh sells cheap desinger dress knock-offs?
A. A Dior to Dior salesman.

Q. What did the blonde say when a salesman tried to sell her a pocket calculator?
A. I already know how many pockets I have.

Q. Who is the most successful insurance salesman of all time?
A. Justin Case.

Q. How did the farmer's wife tell him that she was running off with a tractor salesman?
A. She left him a Deere John letter.

Q. What's the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesman?
A. The used car guy knows he's lying.

Q. Which salesman has the slickest line?
A. A car salesman with greasy hair.

Q. How can you tell when a used car salesman is lying?
A. His lips are moving.

Customer at Used Car Lot: Cargo space?
Nerd Car Salesman: No car do that, car no fly.

Q. What did the vampire turn down the salesman joh at the mirror store?
A. He just couldn't see himself doing that.

Q. What do you call a fuel sales rep?
A. A gas pedal-er.

Q. What ?is the job title of the salesman who supplies the auto body shop
A. Fender Vendor.

Q. Why did the colander salesman quit his job?
A. It was just too much of a strain.

Q. Why did Payless Shoes fire the sandals salesman?
A. 'Cause he didn't toe the line.

Q. What is a wholesale flower salesman called?
A. A petal-er.

Q. Why did the cannabis salesman enjoy his sales route in Meca?
A. High prophets.

Old salesmen never die, but they do go out of commission.

Sales Pitch Translation of a Day: When a vendor says, "Have I got a deal for you!," that's a propositional phrase.

Q. Who reps the company that supplies replacement parts to schooners?
A. The sails man.

Q. Why did the crystal ball salesman quit his jok?
A. He just didn't see any future in it.

Q. Why did the salesman at the expensive antique clock shop, with the snooty customers, quit his job?
A. He just didn't have time for that.

Q. Why was the farmer arguing with athe pushy fertilizer salesman?
A. 'Cause there was only so much bullshit he was willing to take.

Salesman: Which mattress would you liket?
Customer: I don't know. Let sleep on it.

Q. Why are salesman jokes so funny?
A. 'Cause they sell themselves.

Q. What is a dog and cat food sales rep called?
A. A pet-a-lure.

Salesman: That suit fits you like a bandage.
Customer: Yeah, I bought it by accident.

Q. Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
A. 'Cause he was always a little short.

Q. What is a door-to-door bicycle salesman called?
A. A pedal-er.

Q. How does everybody in the neighborhood feel about the persistent replacement window salesman?
A. Clearly, he's a real pane in the neck.

Q. Which old commedian sold bakery when he wasn't perfrming on stage?
A. Soupy Sales.

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