Did you hear about the guy who lost his glasses at the bar? The rest of the evening was a total blur.

Unsightly Laugh of the Day: Never hit a guy with glasses. Use your fists instead!

Q. What does it take to become a famous eyewear designer?
A. A flair for fashion and stye-lish eye-deas.

Q. Why did the actress wear glasses instead of contact lenses?
A. Because she liked to dramatically remove her glasses, and it was awkward doing that with contacts.

Q. Why do criminals on the lam wear dark glasses?
A. To disguise their eye-dentity.

Eye-Ronic Corrective Lens Sigh of the Day: I couldn't find my eyeglasses because I didn't have my contact lenses on.

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank!

Q. Which kind of animal always wears UV-coated sunglasses?
A. A solar bear.

Far-Sighted Fact of the Day: 1-800-CONTACTS is not a networking hotline.

Q. What does every hipster hep cat know?
A. Four eyes are better than two.

No, I'm not a hipster. I wear glasses because I actually need them.

Q. What are hipster contact lenses?
A. A pair of monocles.

Q. Why do nudists have to wear contact lenses instead of spectacles?
A. Because they have nowhere to wipe off their glasses.

Blurry Point to Ponder: Don't you just hate it when you try to clean your eyeglasses and they end up more smudged than before?

Q. Where do spiders order their contact lenses?
A. At a website.

Q. What did the blonde say to her contact lenses?
A. I can't take my eyes off of you.

Corrective Lens Laugh of the Day: My new contacts have UV protection, and that's great because I really hated putting sunscreen on my eyes.

Tinted Contact Lens Pick Up Line: Hey girl, your eyes are as blue as the water in my toilet bowl!

Q. Why was the new eye glasses shop so profitable and popular?
A. Because the optician was a keen eye-deal-ist.

Q. What did the guy say when he bumped into a friend right after getting new glasses?
A. Hey, long time, no see!

Blurry Pick Up Line: Hey babe, you're so hot that my glasses fogged up.

Q. Why did the blonde have a contact lens problem?
A. Duh, because she didn't have any contact lens solution!

Q. What did the detective say when the stolen contact lenses were recovered?
A. Looks like we've closed the lid on the case.

Q. Why was the hunky optician so popular with the ladies?
A. He had specs appeal!

Q. Why did the new online discount glasses store go viral and become so profitable?
A. Because the eye-deal-ist owners saw the potential.

Q. What did the mommy contact lens say to the bratty child contact?
A. I've had enough. Just go and sit in the cornea.

Eye-Ronic Vision Joke of the Day: In an eye deal world, you should be able to find affordable eyeglasses!

Don't you just hate it when you've misplaced your glasses, look for them everywhere, and then realize they're on top of your head?

Q. Why did the blonde only wear glasses while playing tennis?
A. 'Cause tennis is a non-contact sport, duh!

Q. What do you call an avian wearing glasses?
A. A bird watcher!

Optician: It looks like you need glasses.
Patient: But, I'm wearing glasses.
Optician: Then I must need glasses...

An optician noted that patients come in all the time, embarrassed that they'd sat on their glasses. As he readjusts their frames, he wonders if Hindsight really is 20/20?

Q. Which dog breed needs to wear glasses?
A. The cock-eyed spaniel.

Q. Why did the blonde think her optometrist was in love with her?
A. Because when she leaves the office, he hands her a bottle of contact solution saying, "Eye care for you."

Q. Why do creepers like to wear dark sunglasses?
A. So they can stare at others without being caught – sort of like Facebook in real life.

Q. Who wrote the new book, Hippest Sunglasses Under the Sun?
A. Oak Lee and Ray Bann.

Q. What did the eyeball say after it finally got glasses?
A. Eye'm Baaack!

Q. Why did the wine lover heed her ophthalmologist's advice?
A. He said she needs glasses.

Q. Why does Chuck Norris wear sunglasses?
A. To protect the sun!

Q. Why did the advanced placement teacher wear sunglasses during class?
A. Because her students were so bright!

Q. What is brown and hairy, and wears sunglasses at the beach?
A. A coconut on vacation!

Q. Why did the blonde keep losing her contact lenses?
A. She just couldn't keep her eye on them.

Q. Why is putting on contact lenses without a mirror so hard?
A. 'Cause you just have to eyeball it.

Q. What are Spocktacles?
A. Eyewear on the planet, Vulcan.

Q. Why did a woman go to the optician to return a pair of glasses she bought for her husband?
A. He still wasn't seeing things her way.

Q. What happened after the stand-up comedian went to the optician for a new pair of glasses?
A. His observational comedy got much better!

Q. Who can help you if your glass eyeball has gone missing?
A. A private eye!

An eye patient who always wore eyeglasses was curious to see what he'd look like without them. So, he took them off and looked in the mirror. As it turned out, he just could not see himself without them.

Q. How can you tell a pumpkin needs corrective lenses?
A. He's trying to chat up a basketball.

Q. What sarcastic nickname did the optician get after he lost his glasses during a long happy hour at the bar?
A. The Light Bender.

Q. What happens when you go to an optimistic optician?
A. He'll tell you your glasses are half full.

Q. What did the optician say to the guy who complained about his blurry glasses?
A. If you're going to clean your eyeglasses with a tissue, do it before you blow your nose!

Optician: Be sure to store your glasses in case.
Blonde patient: In case of what?

Focused Point to Ponder: Why does wearing eyeglasses infer intelligence rather than indicate broken eyes?

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