Neck Jokes, Throat Puns, Chin Humor

Pain in the Neck Jokes, Throat Puns, Chin Humor
(Because Throaty Jokes and Adam's Apple Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for the Vampire Necks Door!)

Q. What happened after a guy got a Viagra stuck in his throat?
A. He had a stiff neck for hours.

Q. What do you get if you cross Google with a vampire?
A. A know-it-all that's a real pain in the neck!

Q. What do you call a pink bird with a sore throat?
A. A Phlegm-ingo.

Q. What do old morticians call a zombie with a hickey?
A. A necromancer.

A giraffe walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Do you want a long neck?" Giraffe says, "Do I have a choice?"

A giraffe walks into a bar. "Sorry," said the bartender, "We don't serve Heineken here."

Q. What do you call it if a giraffe swallows a drone?
A. A big plane in the neck.

Q. How does everybody in the neighborhood feel about the persistent replacement window salesman?
A. Clearly, he's a real pane in the neck.

Q. What should you call a horse with no hair on his neck?
A. He shall remain maneless.

Q. What did the polite pony say after he cleared his throat?
A. Sorry, I'm a little hoarse.

Did you know that Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the neck? All of its descendants are known as giraffes.

Q. Which kind of dinosaurs were always being victimized by vampires?
A. Tyrannosaurus-Necks.

A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. Bartender says, "OK, but don't start anything."

Q. Why do people hate being bitten by vampires so much?
A. Because it's a real vein in the neck!

Q. What happened after the guy swallowed a dictionary?
A. Now he has thesaurus throat.

Q. Why did the Brachiosaurus have such a long neck?
A. Because they had really stinky feet.

Q. Why did the chiropractor decide to retire?
A. Because his patients were a real pain in the neck.

Q. What do you call a three-foot snake with a Viagra stuck in his throat?
A. A yardstick.

Q. What did the psychiatrist say to the guy who thought he was
a vampire?
A. Necks, please!

Q. What's the best pattern for a banker's neck tie?
A. Checks.

Q. What is a thorax?
A. An associate of The Cat In The Hat.

Q. Why doesn't Dracula have very many friends?
A. Because he's such a big pain in the neck.

Vampire Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, I wish you were a vampire so we could do some necking.

Q. What do you get if you cross a hen and a bell?
A. A chicken that will ring her own neck.

Q. What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?
A. Saturday Night Fever!

Q. Who won the vampire race?
A. It's still neck and neck...

Q. Which sci-fi series is the favorite of vampires?
A. Star Trek, The Necks Generation.

Q. What did one tonsil say to the other?
A. We'd better get dressed up because the doctor is taking us out tonight.

Q. Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?
A. Because violins don't have spit valves.

Q. Why do people hate being bitten by vampires so much?
A. Because it's a drain in the neck!

Patient: Doc, I think I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will that help?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to check your neck for leaks.

Q. What kind of chin hair does a ghost have?
A. A soul patch.

Q. What is it like to be kissed by
a vampire?
A. It's a pain in the neck.

Q. Why was the snarky teenage prince vampire kicked out of the house?
A. Because he was a royal pain in the neck.

Today's Fang Fact: Vampires are always on the hunt for their necks victim.

Q. What does a vampire say about the blood bank?
A. It's the neck's best option.

Q. How does a vet treat a horse with a sore throat?
A. With cough stirrup.

Q. What do programmers do when they have something stuck in their throat?
A. They hack.

Distasteful Joke of the Day: I need to poop so bad that I have a lump in my throat!

Q. What do you call a non-fictional vampire?
A. A real pain in the neck!

Q. Why don't vampires spend much at restaurants?
A. Because they eat necks to nothing.

Q. In the event a stake is driven through a vampire's heart, who are the beneficiaries named in his last will and testament?
A. His necks of kin.

Q. Which kind of shirt does a piece of poop wear?
A. A turd-el-neck.

Q. Why do baristas take throat lozenges?
A. Because they get coffee.

Q. What does a vampire take to soothe his sore throat?
A. Coffin drops.

Q. Why did the holiday choir have to cancel their Christmas Eve performance?
A. They came down with tinsel-itis!

You've shaved down this far, so head on for more throaty laughter, cleared
humor, coughed-up jokes and sorely painful puns that are necks to none:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

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