Q. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? A. A Buck an Ear!   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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Groaner Pick-Up Line: Hey Gnirl, if you were a booger, I'd pick you first!
Q. Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keyboard? A. He was playing by ear!
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south!
After realizing just how much corn he had for sale, the farmer grinned from ear to ear!

Q. What is worse than Rudolph with a runny nose? A. Frostie the snowlady with a hot flash!
Q. How much is a pirate willing to pay for corn? A. A Buck An Ear!


Ear Nose Throat Jokes, ENT Humor, Heady Puns
Sniff out schnoz puns and nasal laughs, cough up trachea humor, and hear about inaudible jokes.

Nose Jokes, Ear Puns, and Throaty Humor
(Because Unheard of Jokes, Snooty Puns, and Gullet Humor Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Your ENT Doctor!)
Warning: Pick Cautiously! ENT LOLs, scratchy throat LOLs, boogar jokes, deafening laughs and snotty puns ahead.
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If Mr Spock has pointy ears, what does Mr Scott have? A. Engineers!Q. Why does your nose like being in the middle of your face? A. Because it's the scenter of attention!Q. How many ears does Captain Picard have? A. Three. A right ear, a left ear, and a final front ear!

Q. What is an ER?
A. The thing on the side of your head that you hear with.

Did you hear about the blonde who learned to play piano by ear? She finally figured out it was easier to use her hands...

Mr. Spock, a rabbit, and a corn stalk walk into a bar. Bartender asks, "You guys want to hear a joke?" They replied, "We're all ears."

Criminal Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the deaf banker who got robbed? Neither did he. OUCH!

Q. What do you get if you cross Vincent Van Gogh with George Thorogood?
A. One bourbon, one scotch, and one ear.

Q. What should you do before having facial reconsturction surgery?
A. Pick your nose...

Q. Where do plastic surgeons get all those new noses?
A. At the olfactory.

Q. Why did the monster take his nose apart?
A. To see what made it run!

Stinking Funny Fact of the Day: You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friends' noses!

Q. How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, if he nose what he's doing.

Patient: I keep hearing ringing noises.
Doctor: Try answering the phone.

Q. What did the blonde say when headphones went on sale?
A. It's music to my ears.

Patient: Doc, I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit somebody's ear off.
Doctor: Oh, I see. That's a lot of calories.

Q. How does a hearing-impaired fashion designer communicate?
A. He uses clothed captions.

Q. What happened when the doctor told the blonde to stop using a Q-tip?
A. It went in one ear and out the other.

Q. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? A. Because then it would be a foot!Before in-ear digital hearing aids were invented, were they ear-normous?Q. What did one eye say to the other eye? A. Just between us, something smells!

Q. What is the difference between a boxer and a guy with a head cold?
A. One knows his blows and the other blows his nose.

Q. What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A. Wet noses.

Q. Why was the nose always so tired?
A. Because it never stops running.

Q. What smells better than it tastes?
A. A nose.

Q. What happened when the elderly couple watched a TV ad for hearing aids?
A. The wife was all ears.

Doctor: Good news. You passed your hearing test.
Patient: What?

Q. What happened when the guy forgot to wear his hearing aid?
A. His wife gave him an earful.

Q. Why do farts smell?
A. For the benefit of the hearing impared.

Q. What do snooty connoisseurs call French bread with a wine-like aroma?
A. Nose scones.

Q. What is commonly overlooked by most people?
A. Their nose!

Q. Which kind of car does an ENT doctor drive?
A. A green Lamboogarghini.

Q. Where does an employed nose work?
A. At the olfactory.

Q. What did Robin say to Batman when they finally found the box of tissues? A. Holy Kleenex, Batman! It was right under our noses and we almost blew it!Big Ape Asks: How did the pothead burn his ear? A. He answered his cell while ironing his tuxedo!Q. How much is a pirate willing to pay for ear piercing? A. A buck an ear!

Toilet Paper Pont to Ponder: Is toilet tissue surprised if you use it blow your nose? Is that a pleasant surprise?

Q. How do you get a facial tissue to dance?
A. Just put a little boogie in it!

Q. What is a nose without a body called?
A. No body nose!

Q. What happened to the thief who stole a clown's nose?
A. The cops caught him red-handed.

Q. Why did the guy have to buy an electric nose hair trimmer?
A. Because scissors just didn't cut it anymore.

Q. How can you tell your nose is on strike?
A. You have to picket.

Q. How do you know your nose is too big?
A. It runs, but it cannot hide.

Q. Why wasn't the Lego Man feeling well?
A. 'Cause he had a blocked nose.

Did you hear about the farmer who played guitar out in his cornfield? It was music to his ears.

Q. Why do people hate corny jokes?
A. Because they're so ear-itating!

Corn on the cob walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Wanna hear a good joke?" Corn replies, "Sure, I'm all ears."

A state trooper pulled over a farmer on a rural road and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the truck a mile ago?" The farmer replied, "Thank God, I thought I was going deaf."

Q. What do you call a bear without ears?
A. B.

Q. What do you call a bear with no ear?
A. Anything you want, 'cause he can't hear you anyway!

Q. What did the patient say when the doctor told him his ear problem was merely wax buildup?
A. I'm glad to hear that!

Q. Why do farmers play smooth jazz out in the corn field?
A. 'Cause it's easy on the ears.

Q. What do you call a reindeer wearing earmuffs?
A. Anything you want. He can't hear you.

Q. What kind of fish could help you hear better?
A. A Herring Aid.

Q. What did the hard-of-hearing barber say to the ram?
A. Sorry, I can't shear you...

Q. What do women put on their ears to make them more attractive to men?
A. Their knees.

Q. What is it called when one blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A. Data transfer.

Q. What happened when the guy's favorite band played their first song in concert?
A. It was music to his ears.

Q. Why was a snowman rummaging through that big bag of carrots? A. He was just picking his hose!Q. How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? A. Shine a light in her ear!What is the difference between spinach & boogers? Kids won't eat spinach.

Q. What happened after the guy swallowed a dictionary?
A. Now he has thesaurus throat.

Q. What happened after a guy got a Viagra stuck in his throat?
A. He had a stiff neck for hours.

Q. What do programmers do when they have something stuck in their throat?
A. They hack.

Distasteful Joke of the Day: I need to poop so bad that I have a lump in my throat!

Q. What do you call a pink bird with a sore throat?
A. A Phlegm-ingo.

Q. Why do baristas take throat lozenges?
A. Because they get coffee.

Q. What did the polite pony say after he cleared his throat?
A. Sorry, I'm a little hoarse.

Q. What do you call a three-foot snake with a Viagra stuck in his throat?
A. A yardstick.

Q. What is a thorax?
A. An associate of The Cat In The Hat.

Q. What did one tonsil say to the other?
A. We'd better get dressed up because the doctor is taking us out tonight.

Q. Why did the holiday choir have to cancel their Christmas Eve performance?
A. They came down with tinsel-itis!

Today's Fact to Face: Nose jokes do stink, but eye puns are cornea.

Q. Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?
A. Because they've experienced pain and have bought jewelry.

If you think earwigs are terrifying because they crawl into your ears, you don't even want to consider what cockroaches do!

Q. Why was Van Gogh an artist and not a musician?
A. 'Cause he didn't have the ear for it!

Patient: Doc, I can't hear out of my left ear.
Doctor: Are you sure?
Patient: Yes, I'm deaf-inate.

Q. Why are cows so forgetful?
A. Because everything goes in one ear and out the udder.

Q. Why do humans have two ears?
A. Because everyone needs an earbud.

Q. What do you call a ring in your ear?
A. Tinnitus.

Q. Why did the hooker put a condom on her ear?
A. She didn't want to get hearing AIDS.

Patient: Doc, I think I'm losing my hearing.
Doctor: What are the symptons?
Patient: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie.

A nurse practitioner was examining his patient who happened to be hard of hearing. He put his stethoscope to her chest and said, "Big breaths." The woman replied, "Yes, they used to be bigger."

Q. What is in a ghost's nose?
A. Boo-gers!

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. Cute, but can you breath through it?

A tissue walks into a bar and the bartender asks if he wants a drink. Tissue says, "No you idiot, it'll go right through me." Bartender replies, "Well, you don't have to get all snotty about it.

Q. Which French seer claimed he could smell the future?
A. Nostrildamus.

Guy: Did you know that the scientific term for mucus is called nasal ejaculate?
Bro: No, it's snot!

Q. What did the guy say when his bro told him his nose was runny?
A. No, it's snot!

Q. What happens when a cow laughs too hard at Painful Puns?
A. Milk comes out her nose.

Q. Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
A. Because it's the scenter of attraction.

Q. Why was the little first grade kid's nose so sad?
A. Because it didn't get picked.

Q. Why is Lois Lane deaf in one ear?
A. Due to the super snoring.


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