I was trying to figure out how lightning works, then it struck me!   PainfulPuns.com - Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Groaners, Ouch!

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Beer-drinking chimps says: When my friend fell asleep at the bar, I poured ale on him. It was a brewed awakening!
Q. How do you murder a salad? A. Go for the carrot-id artery!
Q. What do you call a temporary lack of inspiration? A. Apnea!
What happens if you start an illegal fire using flint? You get a sparking ticket!
Q. Why is a vampire good to take out for a meal? A. Because they eat necks to nothing!


Painful Puns, Miserable Jokes, Insanely Punny Funs
Hurt yourself silly with gruesome groaner jokes, wacky word play humor, and punny memes.

Painful Puns and Groaner Jokes – Ouch!
(Because Puns That Don't Hurt or Make You Moan and Groan Out Loud Are Far TOO Mainstream for Your Dad!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Funny bone pads and forehead protection strongly advised. Ye Ouch!
| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |

A friend annoys me with bad puns, but toucan play at that game!Insect Puns Really Bug Me!Seven Day Without a Pun ... Makes One Weak

Q. Why did the standup comedian run out of punny new joke ideas?
A. He was at his wit's end.

Q. How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Toucan do it. Gtoan!

Q. How do you teach a bright pet parrot to speak properly?
A. Send him to Polytechnic.

Q. What is it called when you finally get the last Painful Pun and start to laugh out loud?
A. An ha ha moment.

Q. What do you call it when worms take over the world?
A. Global Worming.

Q. What do fireflies eat?
A. Light snacks.

Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in a mattress? They got married in the spring.

Q. How is the guy doing in the poetry pun contest?
A. He stanza good chance.

Pun-ful Groan of the Day: I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Today's Pun Trivia: A calendar's days are numbered.

Criminally Funny Pun: The thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A. Because he knew what the punchline would be.
Q. Why didn't the psychic laugh at these Painful Puns?

Gnome or Puns? Hey, is this is hostage situation?A polar bear, giraffe, and penguin walk into a bar. Bartender says: "What" Is this some kind of a joke?"Crappy Pun: When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble!

Q. Why do gnomes and elves truly dislike each other?
A. Little disrespect!

Q. What do you call a stolen garden gnome when it's not where it's supposed to be?
A. Found missing.

Q. Why did the narcissists get along so well together?
A. They were both at the same I level.

Q. What do you call the pessimist who is overly negative?
A. A no-it-all.

Q. How can you tell you'll never be a great joke teller?
A. You always seem to punch up the f*ck line.

Q. What did the comedy club comedian say after he splashed cocktails on himself?
A. The drinks are on me.

Q. What do you call a mushroom who buys a round of drinks?
A. A Fun-Gi!

Q. What is a wonky reporter?
A. A journalist who's there to askew a few questions.

Q. What do you say when the staged satire had already started before you arrived?
A. Late to the parody.

A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how bar jokes work...

Q. Why do people emulate the standup comic who is good at delivering humor dryly?
A. Because he's a droll model.

Urologists have been blessed with golden opportunities, know how to go with the flow, and make the lives of their patients a wee bit better.

Q. If you're American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?
A. European.

Q. How can you hope to understand feelings of repugnance?
A. You discuss disgust.

Point to Ponder: If you retract a declaration you put forward as fact, have you de-posited-ed it?

What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy? A Rash of Good LuckI would tell you a leech joke, but it would suck!Hulk Humor: I Break Into Song Because I Can't Find the Key.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever iron a four-leaf clover?
A. You might press your luck.

Q. Did you hear the latest pun about the fruitless crab apple tree?
A. It'll leaf you laughing!

Q. Why did the gardener leave the store without a new shovel?
A. Because he simply didn't have enough cabbage.

Q. What do residents of Ohio, Michigan, Illinois and New York call distinguished screwballs?
A. Great Flakes.

Q. What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?
A. The leech stops bleeding you after you're dead.

Q. Why don't vampires like mosquitoes?
A. Too much competition!

Q. What happened to the standup comedian who performed Painful Puns at the haunted house?
A. He got booed off stage.

Q. What do you call a total groaner pun that really sucks?
A. A Dad Joke.

Q. What is the secret of Hulk's purple pants?
A. Unstable nut-lear decay.

Q. How do you know The Hulk is invinceable?
A. Nobody named Vince has been able to stop him!

Q. What has 142 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?
A. His zipper!

Q. What do you call it when a guy gets all worked up over nothing?
A. An Idle Fret.

Q. What do you call the act of bragging?
A. The nature of the boast.

Gnome Latin: Confusing Puns, Gnome hurry...I can't wait!Women who wear $200 perfume obviously don't have common scents.NASA just put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit. Missioin name: The Herd Shot 'Round the World

Pun Trivia: Pun Latin is the second hardest gnome dialect to learn.

Q. What do you call an albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?
A. Super pallid Cali mystic expert at hypnosis!

Q. What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A. Small Medium at Large!

Gnome Pun Intended! Gnome Kidding...

Q. What do you call a guy who won't rap on doors and only uses the doorbell?
A. Un-knock-uous.

Stinking Funny Pun of the Day: Perfume companies are concerned with dollars and scents.

Q. Which kind of bread do hammy Painful joke writers really eat up?
A. Pun-pernickel.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day, keeps everyone away. OUCH!

Q. How do you properly tie things up with strong string?
A. You have to pay attention to the twine-y details.

Q. Why are skunks so clever?
A. Because they have natural in-stinks!

Q. What do dairy cows eat up cheese jokes and Painful cheesy food Puns?
A. Because they like corn.

Q. What are the spots on black and white cows?
A. Hol-stains.

Q. What happens if you talk to a cow?
A. It goes in one ear and out the udder.

Q. Why are steaks so happy at barbeques?
A. They get to meet all their old flames.

Q. Why didn't the angry farmer divorce his wife when she traded their prize milking cow for a book of poetry?
A. Because he vowed to love her for butter or verse.

| Painful Puns & Groaner Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| Brewed Puns | Fried Funs | Puns That'll Bug You | Soda Funny Puns | Puns to Wine About |
| Puns That Bite | Frightful Moans | Galactic Groans | Gnome Puns Intended | Haunting Puns |
| Hairy Puns | Artistic Funs | Stellar Puns | Pirate Groans | Puns That Smart | Spaced Out Puns |
| Delusional Puns | Sour Jokes | Puns That Suck | Toothless Groans | Turdy Puns | Weak Puns |

PainfulPuns Home
You're not moaning yet, so here's even more dire humor, groaner grins,
awful jokes, and biting painful puns that'll surly tickle your funny bone:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Bartender Puns | Blonde Jokes | Cheese Puns | Colorado Jokes | Dandelion Puns | Duck Puns | Gnome Joke! |
| Gym Moans | Magical Puns | Insect Puns | Locksmith Puns | Musician Puns | Pee Puns | Perfume Puns |
| Pun Pick-Up Lines | Police Puns | Scary Funny Puns | Sci-Fi Funs | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Tech Puns |

Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns Cheesy Puns & Sharp Humor Funny Riddles, Punny Answers!
Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes! Monstrously Funny Puns Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!

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