Q. What does a skeleton say before dinner? A. Bone Appetit   PainfulPuns.com - Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes, Deadly LOL!

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Q. Which ghoul is the best dancer? A. The boogie man!
Q. What do you call wood when it's scared? A. Petrified!
Spock: It is illogical to be lost in space. Smith: You can't do it, can ? You can't kill the man without becoming the monster!
Q. What kind of pants do ghosts wear? A. Boo Jeans!

Q. Where do monsters get their cookies? A. From the Ghoul Scouts!
Q. What kind of dessert does a ghoul like? A. Ice scream!


Scary Jokes, Deadly Funny Puns, Spooky Humor
Laugh yourself to death with scary jokes, horrifying memes, hellish humor and killer puns.

Frightful Puns, Scary Funny Jokes, Horror Humor
('Cause Cute Cat Memes Are TOO Mainstream On Halloween. Scary Puns and Campy Horror Humor, Not So Much!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Killer scary jokes, eerie humor, and hellish puns lie buried dead ahead.
| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted House Puns | Cannibal Jokes | Scary Cemetery Jokes |
Vampire Jokes | Blood Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | Scary Witch | Zombie Jokes |
| Scary Drinks | Frightful Food | Scary Fun | Spooky Sports | Frightful Fashion | Scary Dentist |
| Scary Halloween Jokes | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns | Scary Clowns |
| Werewolf Jokes | Scary Animals | Bat Jokes | Bigfoot Jokes | Spider Jokes | Friday the 13th |

Scary Pick-Up Line: Are you an alien? 'Cause this feeling in my gut makes me want to take you out!If Satan lost his hair, would there be HELL toupee?What is the scariest day of the week? Boos Day!

Q. Do big, scary monsters enjoy skeleton jokes?
A. Yes, they find them quite humerus.

Q. Why are scary monsters hipsters?
A. Because they've been coming out of the closet since before it was cool.

Q. Where do monsters like to go hiking?
A. Death Valley.

Scary Monster Pick-Up Line: Are you an alien, 'cause you just abducted my heart!

Q. Which kind of monster has the best hearing?
A. The eeriest one!

Q. What did the optometrist say to the monster, vampire, and zombie patients in his office lobby?
A. You vill see. You vill all see! Muhahahaha!

Q. Why do monsters like these jokes?
A. Because being evil is devilishly hard work.

Scary Wise Words of the Day: When one door closes and another one opens, your house is definitely haunted. So, run like hell!

Q. Where in the hell does one shop for sheets for a haunted tourist hotel?
A. At a boo-tique.

Q. Where do people who have eaten too many Big Macs go in the afterlife?
A. Burger-tory.

Q. Why did the guy turn down the chance to buy two haunted houses to turn into rental units?
A. 'Cause he did not want to be the lessor of two evils.

Q. Why didnít the guy have to take Viagra after visiting the haunted house?
A. 'Cause he was already scared stiff!

Q. Which little demon wrote the book, I'm The Devil's Pet?
A. Lou C. Fir.

Q. What is the biggest fear of an obese ghost?
A. Being exercised.

Q. Why do some people hate jokes about ghosts?
A. Because they lack substance.

Q. What do you call a ghost pervert?
A. A peek-a-boo!

Q. How did the psychic speak to the ghost of the window washer?
A. She used a Squeegee Board.

Q. Why are ghosts always happy?
A. Because every shroud has a silver lining.

Q. What is it called when one ghost consumes another ghost?
A. Canni-boo-lism.

Q. What does a ghost take when it suffers from acid reflux?
A. Phan-Tums.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite soup? A. Scream of Tomato!Ghoulish Humor: I was thinking about a brain transplant, but I changed my mind. Scary Pun: Speaking ill of the dead is a grave mistake.

Bloody Funny Groaning Understatement of the Day: Vampire puns really suck!

Q. Where do blood-sucking vampire comedians get their best jokes?
A. From a crypt writer.

Q. How does Dracula like his food served?
A. In bite-sized pieces.

Q. Why did the vampires go into a cave?
A. To hang out.

Q. What do you call a vampire addict?
A. Count Drugula.

Q. Why did the vampire suck the blood of the tightrope walker?
A. Because he wanted a well-balanced meal.

Q. How does a vampire start a letter?
A. Tomb it may concern.

Today's Scary Point to Ponder: On reflection, vampires aren't that scary!

Q. What does it take to become a zombie in the first place?
A. Deadication.

Q. Why did the blonde guy think he was safe from a zombie attack?
A. 'Cause zombies don't go after Brians.

Q. How do you deal with a zombie you really disagree with?
A. Give him a piece of your mind!

Q. What do you call a zombie with a hickey?
A. A necromancer.

Q. How do zombies prepare for tests?
A. By eating lots of brain food.

Q. What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
A. Wow, you're in Grave condition!

Q. What is it called when a zombie steals an idea?
A. Plague-giarism.

Q. Which kind of books do literate monsters enjoy reading?
A. Ones with a cemetery plot.

Q. What's the difference between a toilet and a graveyard?
A. Nothing. When you have to go, you have to go.

Q. What does the headstone for the man who invented Velcro say?

Q. What does it say on the tombstone of the Lego Man that died when sombody stepped on him?
A. Rest in pieces.

Q. Why was the old gate at the cemetery decaying so badly?
A. Because it was made of rot iron.

Q. Why do hipster spirits like to party at the haunted cemetery?
A. Because it's an underground club.

When a cannibal showed up late for lunch, the others gave him the cold shoulder.Hellish Humor: I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried it for a spell.Motto of the Ghoul's Convention: The Morgue, the Merrier

Q. What did the cannibal say when he was full?
A. I can't eat another mortal.

Q. Who is haunting the KFC near Littleton Cemetery?
A. Colorado locals know it's actually cannibal Alferd Packer because he just doesn’t have a taste for chicken meat.

Q. Why is it tricky to get stoned with a cannibal?
A. You have to be careful not to say, "Pass me the joint."

Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.

Did you hear about the cannibal scientist who perfected cloning? Now, he's full of himself.

Q. What do you call somebody who might get you into hot water?
A. A cannibal.

Tasty Point to Ponder: Do cannibals eat gingerbread men for dessert?

Q. What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
A. One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!

Q. What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
A. Poetry in Potion.

Q. What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
A. Greenwitch Mean Time.

Q. What did the witch conjur up when she crossed a werewolf and a sheep?
A. A were-wool.

Q. What do you get if you cross a witch and a blizzard?
A. A cold spell!

Q. How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
A. All her food is potion-controlled.

Q. Why was the scary witch's book of incantations useless?
A. The author failed to do a spell check.

Q. What is a ghost's favorite kind of porno?
A. Ghouls Gone Wild.

Q. What do you call a ghost's boobies?
A. Paranormal en-titties.

Did you hear about the ghoul's favorite hotel? It featured rot and mold in every room.

Q. What do you get when you cross a ghoul and an owl?
A. Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot.

Q. What do ghouls send their pals when they go on vacation?
A. Ghost cards.

Q. Which violation to ghosts get called for most often in basketball?
A. Ghoul tending.

Q. Why did the ghosts leave the Halloween party?
A. Because the sheet was about to hit the fan.

Hulk Humor: My Zipper Broke, But I Fixed It on the Fly!Scary Pick-Up Line: Hey Gnirl, I Dig You!Scary Riddle: Zombie or Gnome, Who'd Prevail?

Q. What should you do if you come across a hulking green monster in the garden?
A. Wait until he's ripe.

Q. What did Dr. Frankenstein say after the monster spit on him?
A. It's saliva!

Monstrous Groan of the Day: People say Frankenstein's monster had a bad temper, but actually he was rather level-headed.

Q. What does a monster do if he loses his head?
A. He calls a head hunter.

Scary Groan of the Day: Sea monster jokes are Kraken me up.

Q. Which dinosaur was the most frightening of them all?
A. The Terror-dactyl.

Q. What is the shortest horror story ever written?
A. Three words: Mourning Monday Morning.

Q. Who kIlled and butchered the turkey at the first Thanksgiving?
A. The pil-grim reaper.

Q. What do you call the skeleton of a ghost?
A. Um, that remains to be seen.

Q. Why don't skeletons ever fart in front of others?
A. Because they don't have the guts.

Q. What do you call a skeleton that does stupid stuff?
A. A bonehead.

Q. What do you call a skeleton in the closet?
A. A world class hide and seek champion.

Q. When does a skeleton laugh?
A. When something tickles his funny bone!

Q. What is a skeleton's weapon of choice?
A. A bone and marrow.

Q. Why did the cannibal chef quit his job at the restaurant?
A. 'Cause he was fed up with the customers.

Q. What does a skeleton drive into a hockey game?
A. The Zam-Bony!

Q. Which scary chicken is very creepy?
A. The Grim Peeper.

Q. Who always wins at zombie auctions?
A. The highest biter!

Q. What is the ghost of a dinosaur called?
A. A Scare-o-Dactyl.

Q. Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
A. The jokes were too funny to handle.

Q. What is a zombie's favorite dessert?
A. A handshake.

Q. Where do zombies get all teed off?
A. At the golf corpse.

Q. What do zombies call door-to-door salesmen?
A. Dead Ringers!

Q. What do you call a zombie father?
A. The Walking Dad.

Q. How can you tell a scary zombie is tired?
A. He's dead on his feet!

Q. Why don't jack-o-lanterns like pumpkin pie?
A. 'Cause they're not cannibals.

| Scary Funny Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | Scary Pick-Up Lines |
| Haunted Halloween Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Halloween Treats | Halloween Music | Pumpkin Puns |
| Ghost Jokes | Monster Jokes | 2 | 3 | Mummy Puns | Skeleton Jokes | 2 | Scary Witch Humor |
| Tasty Cannibal Jokes | Deadly Cemetery Jokes | Haunted House Humor | Werewolf Jokes |

| Scary Cocktail Jokes, BOOze Puns, Spooky Drink LOLs | Frightful Food Puns | Scary Party Jokes |
| Scary Sports Jokes | Frightful Fashion Jokes, Scary Clothing Humor | Scary DentistJokes |
| Scary Animal Jokes | Bat Puns | Bigfoot Sightings | 2 | Spider | Zombie Jokes | Brain Puns | 2 |
| Vampire Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Vampire Arts | Bloody Funny | 2 | Friday the 13th Humor |

| Scary Days | Old Never Die Jokes | Clown Jokes | Chilling Winter Humor | Holiday Party Jokes |

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