Did you hear that Dracula collapsed after dining on a guy who ate garlic at the salad bar? Just another victim of Buffet, the Vampire Slayer.

Q. What does the scary Italian restaurant serve on Frightful Fridays?
A. Fettucinni Afraid-o!

Q. Why wasn't there any food left after the ghoulish dinner party?
A. Because everyone there was a goblin.

The cannibal chef daintily wiped his mouth and said, "My wife makes great soup. I'm really going to miss her."

Q. What was the cause of the accidental death of the old Italian chef after the exterminators visit to the kitchen?
A. Pesto-cide.

Q. Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A. It was a stake sandwich.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite kind of candy?
A. Suckers.

Q. What does a hungry monster say at a dinner party?
A. Eat, drink, and be scary!

Q. What did the spooky skeleton order at the haunted house buffet?
A. Scare ribs.

Q. What is an undertaker's favorite side dish on Thanksgiving?
A. Grave-y.

Q. What did the client say when a psychic told him the spirit of an old Italian chef is haunting his house?
A. I'm not worried because I ain’t alfredo no ghost.

An old chef took a taxidermist friend to a buffet dinner he'd prepared. By the end of the evening, he was stuffed!

Two cannibals are enjoying a barbeque. One turns to the other and says, "I hate my mother-in-law. His buddy replies, "Then just eat the vegetables."

Tasty Point to Ponder: Do cannibals eat gingerbread men for dessert?

Q. How much does it cost to keep a zombie well fed?
A. An arm and a leg.

Q. What time do big scary monsters eat breakfast?
A. Ate o'clock in the moaning.

Q. How do scary monsters like their eggs cooked?
A. Terror-fried!

Q. Why did Count Dracula run out of the Italian restaurant?
A. 'Cause they put garlic on his pizza.

Q. What happened after an Italian chef was murdered by being boiled to death in an industrial pasta cooker?
A. Police are still trying to al dente-fy a suspect.

Q. Why did the vampire suck the blood of the tightrope walker?
A. Because he wanted a well-balanced meal.

Q. What do vegans and vampires have in common?
A. They don't eat at stake houses.

Q. What do single female monsters do at parties?
A. They look for edible bachelors!

Q. Which kind of food do mummies like to order up for lunch?
A. Wraps.

Q. Which first course was the chef eating when he suddendly died?
A. Seizure Salad.

Customer: My lunch is talking to me.
Waiter: Yes sir, that's why I don't recommend the tongue sandwich.

Q. What is a skeleton's favorite fruit?
A. Spineapple.

Q. How does Count Dracula like his food served?
A. In bite-sized pieces.

Q. How do you make a werewolf stew?
A. Give him some weed and leave him waiting for the munchies until the full moon.

Q. How fast does the Frankenstein monster eat his supper?
A. He bolts it down.

Q. Why did the cannibal pour nacho cheese all over people's feet?
A. He was hungry for Dori-toes.

Q. What is a frightful ghoul's favorite citrus flavor?
A. Lemon slime.

Q. What does the Loch Ness monster eat?
A. Fish and ships.

Q. Where do evil Italian chefs go after they die?
A. Al Dente's Inferno.

Q. Which side dish does Dr. Frankenstein bring to Thanksgiving dinner?
A. Monster mash potatoes.

Q. Where was the guy when he saw a horde of pale, emaciated figures with haunted eyes that shows the agony of living death?
A. At a vegan restaurant.

Q. What do they serve the little monsters for lunch at the school casket-eria?
A. Human beans, broiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes cream.

Q. What do cannibal college students eat?
A. Raw-men noodles.

Q. What does a scary witch's black cat eat for breakfast?
A. Mice Crispies.

Q. Where do skeletons go to eat at the mall?
A. Cinnabone.

Q. What do skeletons give out to trick or treaters on Halloween?
A. Spare ribs.

Q. Which soup does a casual vampire chef cook with?
A. Scream of Mushroom.

Q. Which sauce does a gourmet zombie prefer on his brains?
A. Grave-y.

Q. Why don't skeletons like hot and spicy Tex-Mex meals?
A. 'Cause they just don't have the guts for it.

Q. What is the skeleton's usual order at his favorite restaurant?
A. Spareribs.

Q. What does Dracula like for dessert?
A. Leeches and scream.

First Monster: Am I late for dinner?
Second Scary Monster: Yes, everyone's been eaten.

Customer: I found a ring in my soup.
Waiter: Oh, that must belong to the chef. Let me know if you find his finger.

Customer: There's a worm on my plate.
Waiter: Yes sir, you ordered the wurst.

Q. Why don't jack-o-lanterns like pumpkin pie?
A. 'Cause they're not cannibals.

Q. Why don't most people enjoy cannibal jokes?
A. Because it's an acquired taste.

Q. What did the cannibal say after devouring a hearty meal?
A. I can't eat another mortal.

Q. What is a cannibal's favorite comfort food?
A. Baked Beings.

Q. What happened after the famous cannibal scientist perfected cloning?
A. Now he's really full of himself.

Q. What does a mommy cannibal say to the kids at the supper table?
A. Don't talk with somebody in your mouth.

Deadly Funny Foodie Point to Ponder: Did you know that the cannibal hitman prefers take-out food?

Q. What did the cannibal order for lunch?
A. Pizza with everyone on it.

Q. What does a cannibal call a knight in armor at the Colorado Renaissance Festival?
A. Canned food.

Q. Why are waiters at cannibal restaurants considered noble?
A. Because they serve humanity.

Q. Which kind of breakfast cereal do ghouls like the best?
A. Ghost-Toasties.

Q. Why did the cops give the goblin a ticket after Thanksgiving dinner?
A. For exceeding the feed limit.

Q. What do scary monsters like to eat at October barbeques?
A. Hallo-weenies!

Q. Why don't cannibals ever eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.

Q. What was the Mafia's plot to kill off the old chef?
A. They planned to rig a Tony to explode.

Q. What happens after old butchers die?
A. They all meat up in the afterlife.

Q. What does a cannibal on a diet order at McDonalds?
A. A kids meal.

Q. What do cannibals call McDonald's delivery drivers?
A. Fast food.

Q. Where do people who have eaten too many Big Macs go in the afterlife?
A. Burger-tory.

Did you hear about the zombie that died of food poisoning? Somebody threw him a green Lifesaver.

Q. Which sick and twisted monster puts poison in the corn flakes?
A. The Cereal Killer.

Waiter: Sir, why are you taking so long to order?
Customer: I can't decide if I want nausea, heartburn, or flatulence.

Customer: Why hasn't the Board of Health closed this place down?
Waiter: They're afraid to eat here.

Q. What kind of appetizers do zombies like at parties?
A. Finger foods

Q. Which kind of bean is every zombie's favorite?
A. A human bean.

Q. What do Ghostbusters call haunted yogurt?
A. Paranormal Activia.

Q. Which kind of pie do Australian ghost prefer to eat for dessert?
A. Boo Meringue.

Q. How can you tell if a French restaurant is haunted?
A. It gives you the crepes.

Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?
Waiter: Learning to read?

Customer: There's a bee in my alphabet soup!
Waiter: Yes sir, there's also an A, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K...

Q. How did the mummy become a chef?
A. He read Cooking for Mummies.

Q. What does a ghost panda eat?
A. BamBOO.

Q. Why wouldn't the skeleton eat liver?
A. He didn't have the stomach for it.

Q. What do you call terrifying recurring dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking you while you're cooking?
A. Rameses Kitchen Nightmares.

Q. Which day of the week do big scary monsters eat people?
A. ChewsDay!

Q. What did the scary witch get when she crossed a lemon with a black cat?
A. A sour puss. Me-ow!

Customer: There's a caterpillar in my salad!
Waiter: Sorry madam, I didn't realize you were a vegetarian.

Customer: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Force of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.

Q. What did the cannibal say while eating an Appalachian man sandwich?
A. I like my people inbread.

Q. Why do some people dislike cannibal jokes?
A. Because they're a bite hard to digest.

Q. What does a young witch use to cook up scary dinners and frighteningly tasty desserts?
A. An Easy Bake Coven.

Q. Which side dish do cannibals eat with
a fresh deli sandwitch?
A. Ghoul-slaw.

Q. Why did the mummy warn her kids not to eat uranium?
A. So they wouldn't get atomic-ache.

Q. How do you know that a scary witch is on a diet?
A. All her meals are potion-controlled.

Witch Tip of the Day: Nobody likes spoiled children, so be sure to use airtight containers on Halloween.

Customer: What is this fly doing on my ice cream sundae?
Waiter: Sir, I believe it's skiing.

Q. How do zombies prepare for tests?
A. By eating lots of brain food.

Q. Where do zombies hunt for dinner?
A. In the living room.

Q. Do zombies eat brains with their fingers?
A. No, they eat fingers separately.

Q. What do little ghouls and goblins call stolen fudge brownies?
A. Hot Chocolate!

Q. Why did the spirit of the blonde girl go on a diet right after Halloween?
A. 'Cause she wanted to keep her ghoulish figure.

Q. What is a zombie's favorite dessert?
A. A handshake.

Q. What is a cannibal's favorite dessert treat?
A. Lady Fingers.

Q. What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he crossed a pig and a hag sorceror in the desert?
A. A Ham Sandwitch.

Customer: There's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: Couldn't be, sir. The chef used them all in the raisin bread.

Customer: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my taco.
Waiter: Yeah, they can't handle the spicy jalapenos.

Customer: There's a spider in this glass.
Waiter: Yes sir, it keeps the flies away.

Q. Who's haunting the KFC across the street from the cemetery?
A. Some ghoulish comedian spoofing Colonel Sanders said it was a poultry-geist.

Q. Which vampire only eats junk food?
A. Count Snackula.

Q. Can a mere mortal kill a monster by throwing eggs at him?
A. Yes, that is called egg-stermination!

Q. What do you call a guy who is absolutely fed up with people during the holidays?
A. A cannibal.

Customer: Waiter, there's a small slug in this salad.
Waiter: Sorry sir, would you like me to get you a larger one?

Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in the salsa.
Waiter at Chipotle: Oh, don't worry. The spider in your taco will get him.

Customer: There's a cochroach on my steak.
Vegan Waiter: Yes sir, they don't seem to care what they eat.

Q. What does a cannibal call a stoner?
A. Pot Roast.

Q. What is every cannibal's favorite proverb?
A. You are what you eat.

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