Q. Why is it so tough to compete with a vampire?
A. Because they're always out for blood.

Q. Which kind of monster is made entirely of blood?
A. A hemo-goblin.

Q. Is it possible to hear the blood in your veins?
A. Only if you listen varicosely.

Q. Which song is the fave of New Orleans blood suckers?
A. Bloodletting (The Vampire Song) by Concrete Blonde.

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and aggressive Internet advertising?
A. A blood thirsty hacker.

Bloody Funny Groan of the Day: Vampire puns really do suck!

Q. What did the bloody snide critics say about the vampire's work of art?
A. What a monsterpiece!

Q. What was Dracula doing at the London pub?
A. Having a bloody good time.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite beer?
A. Bloodweiser.

Q. What is Autocorrect's blood type?
A. TypO Negative.

Q. Why did the vampire suck the blood of the tightrope walker?
A. Because he wanted a well-balanced meal.

Q. What do all habitual criminals have in their blood?
A. Prison cells.

Q. Which creepy gothic tune do powerful old people moan about?
A. We Suck Young Blood by Radiohead.

Q. Why don't vampires suck the blood of clowns?
A. Because it tastes funny.

Q. What do you call it when a regular human guy sucks a vampire's blood?
A. Irony.

Q. How do vampires get around?
A. On blood vessels.

Q. What did a red blood cell say to the platelet cell on its birthday?
A. Coagulations!

Bloody Funny Groan of the Day: A guy was arrested by the police and charged for killing a number of vampires. They've got him on three counts.

Q. What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone?
A. A blood thirsty fangster.

Q. Which blood type causes the most problems at busy hospital emergency rooms?
A. TypO.

Q. Why did the vampire's lunch give him bloody heartburn?
A. It was a stake sandwich.

Q. Which blood type makes a great life coach?
A. B Positive.

Q. What is a blood thirsty vampire's favorite Shakespeare play?
A. A Midsummer Bite's Dream.

Q. Which bloody alternative tune exposes that vampires and monsters are not as frightening as falling in love?
A. Dracula's Wedding by Outkast.

Q. Why don't vampires spend much at restaurants?
A. Because they bloody eat necks to nothing.

Q. What does a vampire with weight issues drink?
A. Blood Lite.

Q. Why don't vampires bother Canadians all that much?
A. Because they're all blood type, Eh.

Q. Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
A. To confirm she was his type.

Red Cells Pointer of the Day: Whatever you do, always give 100% – unless you're donating blood!

Q. What did the vampire say after reading all these bloody funny Painful Puns?
A. Oh, Suck!

Q. How do vampire pirates cross the Red Sea?
A. In blood vessels.

Q. Why did a cop pull the vampire over?
A. He was a suspect in a blood bank robbery.

Q. Why do blonde nurses bring red markers to work?
A. Just in case they need to draw blood.

Q. Which type of club might a vampire join?
A. A blood group.

Q. Why are vampires families so close?
A. Because blood is thicker than water.

Sucked Up Point to Ponder: If you have high blood sugar, does that mean you're a sweet heart?

Q. What did the three vampires order at the bar?
A. Two Bloods and a Blood Light.

Q. Why did the vampire break up with her boyfriend?
A. He wasn't her blood type.

Q. Is Superman a Blood or a Crip?
A. Both. He's a Blood by day, and he'll be a Kryptonite.

Q. Who authored the sketchy murder mystery book, Bloody Brutal Art?
A. Drew Gore.

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