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Mixed Drink Puns, Funny Cocktails, Bar Jokes
Pick your personal poison from our alcohol laughs, bar humor, or funny cocktail weiners!

Drinking Jokes, Cocktail Puns, Drink Humor
(Because Sober Jokes Are Too Mainstream and It's Always Happy Hour Here)
Warning: Proceed at your own risk. There is no legal limit on laughter and spirited jokes.
Cocktail Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | Bar Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |

Q. What does Batman put into his cocktails? A. Just ice!Bottle of whiskey asks: What do a shot of Everclear & a sexy woman have in common? A. Both make men talk nonsense!Q. What's a vampire's favorite drink? A. A Bloody Mary!

Q. What is the only drink size they allow in North Korea? A. A supreme liter.

Son, when I was your age, there was no social media. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women.

Autocorrect changed Morning Run to Morning Rum. Change of plans, guys.

A roll of tape walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "What would you like?" The tape says, "Make it a Scotch."

You can consider yourself lucky in life if the cognac you're drinking is older than the woman you're sleeping with.

An Oreo walks into a bar, finds it's after last call, and falls apart. Bartender says, "I guess that's how the cookie crumbles."

Drinking joke: When whiskey met cognoac, it was clear their relationship was on the rocks!A marrini asks: What do Russians get when mixing holy water and voka? A. The holy spirit!Whiskey bottle remarks: Alcohol is never the answer, but it does make you forget the problem!

My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my glass half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

So, Thomas Edison walks ino a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says, "Okay, I'll serve you, but just don''t get any ideas."

Tequila is a good drink! You drink it and you feel like a cactus. The only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.

Did you hear they've translated Harper Lee's magnum opus for Mexicans? It's called Tequila Mockngbird.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent. It dissolves marriage, families, and careers.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
So, she gets a divorce.

If the Doctor uses a sonci screw driver, does Jack use a sonic mimosa?Chimp joshes: My doctor said I need to watch my drinking. So now I drink in front of a mirror!Pitcher of beer asks: How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of just one!

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender remarks, "Hey we have a drink named after you." The screwdriver replies, "You have a drink named "Phillip?"

Attention: Please be patient with the bartender. Even a toilet can only serve one ass at a time.

It's better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Don't forget that alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra, the panties and many other problems.

A rope walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here," and throws him out. Outside the rope ties himself into a half hitch, frays an end, and walks back into the bar. Bartender says, "Weren't you just in here?" Rope replies, "I'm a frayed knot."

Q. Where does a pickle go for a fw drinks? A. The salad bar!Drunk Pun: He carried rum over his head attempting to lift his spirits.Beer Bottle Says:: Hello Saturday, So Glad You're Here Again!

A professional bowler walks into a bar. Bartender says, "I'm sorry, we just ran out of clean glasses." The bowler replies, "That's okay, I've got a spare."

Let's get ready to stumble.

So Jesus walks into a bar and says, "I'll just have a glass of water."

A giraffe walked in to a bar. The bartender asked, "What's with the long face?"

A guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "How's it going?" Guy replies, "Okay, I guess. Holding my own." "That's good," says the bartender, "You'd get arrested if you held somebody else's."

Cocktail Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | Bar Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |

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