Drink Puns, Funny Cocktails, Bar Jokes
your personal poison from alcoholic beverage jokes, bar puns, and funny
Proceed at Your Own Risk! Drink jokes, zonked cocktail humor, soused
laughs and tipsy puns ahead.
Drinking Jokes, Cocktail Puns, Drink Humor
(Because Cocktail Jokes and
Drinking Puns Could Never Be Too Mainstream and It's Always
Happy Hour Here!)
| Cocktail Puns and Drinking Jokes
| 2 | 3
| Bartender Jokes | 2
| 3 | Drunk
Pick-Up Lines |
| Beer Jokes | 2
| 3 | 4
| Colorado Craft Beer Jokes | Wine
Jokes and Vino Puns | 2 | 3
What is the only drink size they allow in North Korea?
A. A supreme liter.
when I was your age, there was no social media. You had
to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple
Tip of the Day: If you want a promotion at work, just walk
around your office yelling, "Vodka! Tequila! Jack Daniels!"
This makes you the one who calls the shots!
Drinking Game of the Day: One tequila, two tequila, three
changed Morning Run to Morning Rum. Change
of plans, guys.
guy was browsing at the liquor store, so the clerk asked,
"Do you need help?" The guy replied, "Yes,
but I'm here to get whiskey instead."
Hour Point to Ponder: Drinking Jack Daniels might not be
the solution to your problems, but it's worth a shot!
roll of tape walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "What
would you like?" The tape says, "Make it a Scotch."
Fun Fact of the Day: Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary.
So I looked it up on Whiskeypedia and learned if
you drink too much, it's likely tequil-ya!
can consider yourself lucky in life if the cognac you're
drinking is older than the woman you're sleeping with.
Time Trivia: In Florida, they salt margaritas, not sidewalks!
Oreo walks into a bar, finds it's after last call, and falls
apart. Bartender says, "I guess that's how the cookie
New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping
my glass half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
the bartender asked the patron if he wanted his whiskey
without ice, the guy replied, "Sure, that would be
Thomas Edison walks ino a bar and orders a drink. Bartender
says, "Okay, I'll serve you, but just don''t get any
Drunken Wisdom: What doesn't kill me, makes my drinks stronger.
man attempted to smuggle sausage and vodka out of Europe
in his suitcase. But the baggage caught on fire and the
plane had to be evacuated. It was the Absolut wurst
is a good drink! You drink it and you feel like a cactus.
The only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow
you hear they've translated Harper Lee's magnum opus for
Mexicans? It's called Tequila Mockingbird.
you hear about the guy who couldn't decide between vodka
and whiskey? He was very good at multi-flasking.
guys were hanging at the bar. First guy says, "My wife
is just like whiskey." Second guy comments, "Oh,
she gets better with age?" "No," replies
the first guy, "She gives me a headache."
doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
So, she gets a divorce.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender remarks, "Hey
we have a drink named after you." The screwdriver replies,
"You have a drink named "Phillip?"
What is a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?
A. Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.
Words of the Day: Dear Martini, Olive You.
Please be patient with the bartender. Even a toilet can
only serve one ass at a time.
better to have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
a toast to the nights we won't remember with friends we'll
What do you say when you're gonna drunk dial somebody?
A. Al-cohol you later.
forget that alcohol helps to remove the stress, the bra,
the panties and many other problems.
is a perfect solvent. It dissolves marriage, families, and
Hour Fact of the Day: Chemically speaking, Alcohol is a
rope walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve
your kind in here," and throws him out. Outside the
rope ties himself into a half hitch, frays an end, and walks
back into the bar. Bartender says, "Weren't you just
in here?" Rope replies, "I'm a frayed knot."
Hour Poetry: This senorita needs a margarita.
Cocktail Jokes and Drink Humor | 2
| 3 | Bartender
Puns | 2 | 3
| Bar Pick-Up Lines |
Fact of the Day: Vodka is made from potatoes. Potatoes are
vegetables. Vegetables are good for you!
Point to Ponder: If you ask a liquor store clerk to help
you find the good Scotch, does that make him your spirit
professional bowler walks into a bar. Bartender says, "I'm
sorry, we just ran out of clean glasses." The bowler
replies, "That's okay, I've got a spare."
Laugh of the Night: Let's get ready to stumble.
a cocktail party, one woman asked another, "Aren't
you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other woman replied, "Yes, because I married the
What happens when a ghost drinks too much?
A. He gets sheet faced!
Jesus walks into a bar and says, "I'll just have a
glass of water."
Point to Ponder: When the Hulk goes off in a rage and destroys
everything in sight, he's Incredible. But when
Bruce Banner does that, he has a drinking problem?
What did the blonde say when some guy at the bar asked her
if she liked cocktails?
A. I don't know. Tell me one.
What did the other blonde say when a guy at the bar asked
her if she liked cocktails?
A. I don't know. Show me one.
Fact of the Day: Drinking the wrong alcohol may make you
Line of the Day: A hangover will only last a day, but the
memories we make tonight will last a lifetime.
guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "How's it going?"
Guy replies, "Okay, I guess. Holding my own."
"That's good," says the bartender, "You'd
get arrested if you held somebody else's."
Fact of the Day: Vodka doesn't turn people into somebody
they are not. It just makes them forget to hide that part
Point to Ponder: Donald Trump is like top shelf vodka. Expensive,
transparent, and wouldn't be here if not for Russia!
| Wine Lover Jokes and Vino Puns | 2
| 3 | Beer
Jokes | 2 | 3
| 4 | Colorado
Craft Beer Jokes |
| Bar Jokes and Pub Puns | 1
| 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | 7
| 8 | Beverage
Jokes | Soda Funny |
| Coffee Puns | 2
| Restaurant Humor | Pizza
Puns | Burger Jokes | Snack
Puns | Munchies |
You've lasted this far, so here's another
round of spirited
smashing humor, mixed
jokes and shot painful puns
that'll cheers you
Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...
Blonde Jokes | Bronco
Jokes | Cheesy Jokes | Chef
Puns | Colorado Jokes | Cross
the Road Jokes |
| Hipster Jokes | Music
Puns | Old Never Die | Pirate
Jokes | Pick-Up Lines | Police
Jokes | Scary Humor |
| Saturday Jokes | Sci-Fi
Funnies | Seasonal Puns | Sports
Jokes | Tech Puns | Weed
is Funny! |
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