Dockyard: A Physician's Garden.   PainfulPuns.com - Garden Puns, Green Jokes, Grow Groans!

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Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden? A month later, he was picking his teeth!
Q. What do you call a vegetable with PMS? A. A Cab Bitch!
Alien says: In Colorado, if you don't like weed puns, you ganja have a bad time!
Q. Why don't programmers like nature? A. Too Many Bugs
Q. What do you get when Bigfoot walks in your garden? A. Squash!

 


Gardening Jokes, Plant Puns, Growing Groans
Plant a bumper crop of garden jokes, green humor, and corny plant puns that grow on you.

Gardener Jokes, Flora-ble Puns, Garden Humor
(Because Healthy Homegrown Humor Could Never Be Too Mainstream for Green Thumb Gardeners!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! You never know what's up a tree or lurks in the bushes or weed below.
| Blooming Funny Garden Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes | Weed Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Animal Poop Puns | Insect Puns | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes & Snake Puns | Wildlife Jokes |

How did the tomato court the corn? He whispered sweet nothings in her ear.Q. What kind of socks does a gardener wear? A. Garden Hose!Q. How can you tell if a tree is nomadic? A. It packs up its trunk and leaves.

Gardeners with green thumbs always know the ground rules!

Q. How can you tell blooming gardener jokes are bad?
A. When they're a real pain in the aster.

Q. How do you know you're a master gardener?
A. You have a decorative container of compiost on your kitchen counter.

Q. Why was the potato crying over his vodka and tonic?
A. It was his cousins.

Q. Why did the gardener quit?
A. His celery wasn’t high enough.

Q. After working with cow poop, how does a botanist clean her hands?
A. She gets a manure-cure.

Today's Gardening Fact: God makes rainy days so that gardeners can get their housework done.

Q. Did you hear the latest joke about the tree?
A. It'll leaf you laughing.

Garden Plot Tip of the Day: Gardening takes a lot of water, and a lot of that is perspiration.

Q. What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
A. The arbor-ate-em.

For this green growner tree pun, we had to go out on a limb and branch out to some higher sources.

Q. What do trees wear to pool parties?
A. Swimming trunks.

Q. What did the alien dandelion say to the earth dandelion? A. Take Me To Your Weeder!The tree trimmers did a great job! They really should take a boughQ. What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? a. A Lawn Moo-er.

Q. What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
A. Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.

Q. How do you know you're a master gardener?
A. You'd rather spend a day shopping at a nursery than at a clothing store.

Q. What do trees like to drink?
A. Root Beer.

Q. How do you know you're a master gardener?
A. During your free time, you'd rather fart around in the garden instead of watch TV.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever iron a four-leaf clover?
A. You might press your luck.

Q. Why was the tree drooling?
A. Because it was a Dogwood.

Q. Why did the gardener need a cork?
A. Because his garden sprung a leek!

Q. How do you know you're a master gardener?
A. You plan your vacation to hit every arboretum, botanical garden, and eco park at your destination.

Q. What what can you make from baked beans and onions?
A. Tear gas.

Some River Valleys Are Absolutely Gorges.I Just Got Garden Supplies at Gnome Depot.Why did the farmer quit? His celery wasn't high enough!

Q. How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
A. All the rocks in your garden went belly up!

Plant Lovers Pick Up Line: Are you a botanist? 'Cause I'm lichen you!

Q. What do you call a land where the people drive only pink cars?
A. A pink carnation.

Q. Why did the farmer's horse go behind the barn?
A. It wanted to change its Jockeys.

New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past, and rely on the fuchsia...

Today's Gardening Fact: You can't plant flowers, if you've haven't botany.

Growing Point to Ponder: You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think...

Q. What did the woman say when a neighbor asked to borrow her lawnmower?
A. Sorry, he's not home yet.

Gardening Point to Ponder: When the lawn care guy went broke, could he take out a loam?

Q. What is a gardener's favorite novel?
A. War and Peas.

Q. How do you keep a monkey from pooping in your garden?
A. Don't show him! Monkey see, monkey do.

Q. What is a baker's favorite kind of tree?
A. Pastry.

Insect Puns Really Bug Me!Garden gnomes are often stolen. Gnome wonder why ALL aren't?A Girl Said She Recognized Me From the Vegetarian Club, But I'd Never Met Herbivore.

Q. What do you call it when worms take over the world?
A. Global Worming.

Q. What is the most musical garden insect?
A. The Humbug!

Q. What is a garden slug?
A. A snail with a housing problem.

Gardener's Lament of the Day: If only I could grow green stuff outdoors, the way I can in my refrigerator....

Q. How do young green gardeners learn?
A. By trowel and error!

Wise Gardeners' Mantra:
Weed 'em and Reap!

Did you hear about the successful bonzai grower? His next project is a miniature golf course.

Q. Which type of tree is commonly found in kitchens?
A. A Pantry.

There is something missing from my garden flower bouquet, she said lack-a-daisy-cally.

Q. How does your garden grow?
A. Only thyme will tell...

Q. What happened after a garden plant took a math class?
A. It grew square roots!

Q. What happened to the gardener that didn't return his library books?
A. He got a vine.

| Blooming Funny Garden Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Farmer Jokes | Weed Jokes |
| Carrot Jokes | Pickled Puns | Potato Jokes | Salad Puns | Tomato Jokes | Vegetable Humor |
| Animal Poop Puns | Insect Puns | Rodent Jokes | Frog Jokes & Snake Puns | Wildlife Jokes |

PainfulPuns Home
You've lasted this far, so here's even more growing laughter, green humor,
flowery jokes and shitty painful puns that'll fertilize your garden:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Chef Jokes | Cheesy Puns | Colorado Jokes | Daily Groans | Funny Farm | Fitness Puns | Gnome Nonsense |
| Hipster Jokes | Light Bulb Jokes | Music Humor | Pet Puns | Pick-Up Lines | Painful Puns | Police Puns |
| Scary Jokes | Sci-Fi Funnies | Seasonal Puns | Sports Jokes | Tech Puns | Travel Jokes | Weather Jokes |

Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners! Clucking Funny Farm Animal Puns Animal Puns, Wildlife Humor
Pet Puns + Jokes = Funny Pet Peeves Gnome Puns Intended Edible Puns, Fun with Food

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