Q. What do you call a grumpy, short-tempered gardener?
A. A Snap Dragon.

Garden Rap of the Day: Sedges, like hedges have edges. Grasses, like asses, have holes...

Q. Which type of garden flower sounds like it was recently on the losing end of a fight?
A. The Black-Eyed Susan.

Q. What did the garden landscape guy say when he got paid in cash money?
A. Thank you very mulch!

Garden Factoid: After winter, all the trees are both relieved and releafed!

Q. What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A. A rash of good luck.

Q. What is a tree's least favorite month of the year?
A. Sep-timber!

Q. Why did the guy stop using his machete to clear his way through his jungle garden?
A. Because he couldn't hack it.

Q. Why did the gardener need a cork?
A.  His garden sprung a leek!

Gardening Laugh of the Day: The neighbor kid asked to borrow my lawn mower, so I said: "Sure, but you can't take it out of my yard."

Q. Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
A. It's acorny one!

Q. Why did the guy start a gardening service in October?
A. 'Cause he wanted to rake in some cash.

Q. Why did the gardener have to wear sunglasses?
A. Because she grew sunflowers!

Q. Why do spiders make good baseball players?
A. Because they know how to catch flies.

Q. Why is the body of that plant considered vulgar?
A. Because it's a thallic symbol.

Q. Why couldn't the botanist see well without glasses?
A. Due to a-stigma-tism.

Q. Why did the tomato and the corn fall in love?
A. Mr. Mato whispered sweet nothings into her ear.

Q. Why was the pole bean arrested?
A. It was caught stalking the tomato.

Q. Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
A. He had a really long Honeydew list.

Retro Hippie Gardener Thought of the Day: Bean thinking how up-beet I yam about all the growing peas and love, man.

Q. Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike?
A. Because it lost its pedals.

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells, and don't work half the time.

Q. Which beer do smart botanists prefer?
A. Budweiser!

Q. What do you call a garden veggie in the basement?
A. Cellar-y.

Q. What happened after the tree got engaged?
A. She wanted to show off her ring.

The winter was difficult on the trees, but in the spring they were re-leafed.

Q. How can you tell if a tree is a Dogwood?
A. By its bark!

Q. Why do toadstools typically live so close together?
A. Because they don't need mushroom.

Q. How do botanists catch bartenders?
A. With barbates.

Q. What did the agitated garden soil say during the rain storm?
A. If this keeps up, I'll be mud!

Q. How can you tell your landscape tree guy is happy?
A. He's looking very chipper.

Q. What did the big garden flower say to the small flower?
A. What's up, bud?

Q. Why was the little pine tree in trouble?
A. It was being knotty.

Q. Which song does a cattleman sing when he turns the rich soil in his pasture?
A. Loam On The Range.

Q. What is a marsh botanist's favorite movie?
A. Bog to the Future!

Q. What does the Green Giant wear when he goes to a corporate board meeting?
A. A three peas suit.

Q. What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to the tree?
A. May the Forrest Be With You.

Q. Why didn't the angry farmer divorce his wife when she traded their prize milking cow for a book of poetry?
A. Because he vowed to love her for butter or verse.

I caught these potatoes smoking weed. One could say that they're baked potatoes.

Q. What did the petunia say to the weed growing beside it?
A. Move over, Bud!

Q. Why did the guy quit his job making furniture out of plants?
A. Because it was no bed of roses.

Q. What happened to the hay farm that was struggling with debt?
A. It had to be baled out.

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