Two surgeons were joking about sutures and had each other in stitches.   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Q. Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? A. Only if your aim is good!
Q. If your dog was a neuroloist, what would he do all day? A. He'd perform pet scans!
Did you hear about the cosmetic surgery clinic's new sign? "If life gives you lemons, we can give you melons!"
Q. What do you call an eye doctor in Alaska? A. An optical Aleutian!

 


Doctor Jokes, Sick Puns, Healthy Laughter
Viral jokes, sick medical humor, and deadly funny doctor puns are the cure for whatever ails you.

Sick Puns, Funny Medical Jokes, Doctor Humor
(Because Pills and Magic Bullets Are Far Too Mainstream and a Diet of Healthy Laughter is the Best Medicine!)
Warning: Recommended By 4 Out of 5 Dentists. You Know the Painless Drill. Proceed at Your Own Peril!
| Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| Doctor Jokes and Sick Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Dentist Jokes & Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |

Never lie to an X-ray technician. They can see right through you.Two podiatrists became arch enemies.A dentist married a manicurist, but they fought like tooth and nail!

Blonde Patient: What did the x-ray of my head show?
Doctor: Nothing.

Q. Why was the porno star sent home after her exam?
A. Because she was X-ray-ted.

Q. What does your dentist call x-rays?
A. Tooth-Pics!

Q. What is a catscan?
A. When you're searching for Kitty.

But now the rift is heeled and both now toe the line.

Nurse Notes: The patient is numb from her toes down...

Q. Why did the shoe go to the doctor?
A. It needed to be heeled.

Student Doctor: It looks like there's something written on this patient's big toe.
Famous Surgeon: Oh, yes. That's a footnote.

The dentist attended Emory and the manicurist still goes to Emery.

Q. What do you call a dentist who just can't stop working on teeth?
A. Abscessive Compulsive.

Q. Why couldn't the patient get her dentist's attention?
A. Because he was brushing her off.

Dental Point to Ponder: Why do dentist jokes make you feel down in the mouth?

Mad as I was, I didn't give the brain surgeon a piece of my mind.Sick Humor: They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.Proctologists reASSure patients their problem can be rectified. (Ouch!)

Brain Surgeon Tip of the Day: Losing your head in an emergency is a no brainer.

Q. Which kind of fish performs brain urgery?
A. A Brain Sturgeon!

Brain Surgeon Come-On: Babe, if I synapse with you, we'll store some memories.

Q. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A. Blow in her ear.

Medical errors are no laughing matter.

Q. Why do blonde nurses bring red markers to work?
A. Just in case they need to draw blood.

Q. What is Autocorrect's blood type?
A. Typo Negative.

Nurse: Doc, we have lost our patient.
Doctor: Oh no, what happened?
Nurse: He recovered.

Q. How are enemas and divorces alike?
A. At first they're both pretty crappy, but in the end, they feel pretty good!

Q. How does a blonde define rectum?
A. Almost killed 'em.

Q. What is an enema?
A. Not a friend!

When the hospital gives you one of those skimpy gowns, you know the end is in sight.

A guy walks into a psychiatrist office wearing only plastic wrap shorts. Shrink says: "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."Q. What Do You Call Two People in an Ambulance? A. Pair of MedicsA Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but mean your mother.

That shrink could see right through his egocentric behavior.

Q. What is the difference between a shrink and a magician?
A. A shrink pulls habits out of a rat!

Patient: I think I'm a rubber band.
Shrink: I see. Just stretch out on the couch and tell me all about it.

Patient: I feel like a pair of curtains.
Shrink: Try to pull yourself together.

Pick Up a Paramedic Line: Hey big guy, is that an epi-pen in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Call me an ambulance!
You're an ambulance.

EMT Hookup Line: Hey babe, we always come when we are called.

Medical Pick-Up Line: Someday I hope to be your emergency contact.

My psychiatrist sent me for an MRI because she thinks I have a magnetic personality.

A man tells his shrink that he's having recurring dreams. One night he's a tepee and the next he's a wigwam... The shrink replied, "I think you're too tents."

Patient: I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu.
Psychiatrist: Didn't I see you yesterday?

Patient: Doc, I think I'm a caterpillar.
Shrink: Don't worry. You'll change soon.

My Pig Had a Rash, So the Vet Gave Her Some Oinkment.Did you hear about the opticican? Two glasses, and he made a spectacle of himself.Holistic Elf Doctor is a Gnome-EOPATH.

Q. Why did the pony go to the doctor?
A. Because he was a little hoarse.

Did you hear about the vet and taxidermist that went into business together? Their slogan is: Either Way, You Get Your Pet Back.

Q. Why did the sheep go to the doctor?
A. Because it was feeling really baaad.

Medical Hookup Line: Hey Babe, someday I hope to be your emergency contact.

Optometry jokes just keep getting cornea...

Q. Why was the hunky optician so popular with the ladies?
A. He had specs appeal!

Q. Why was the eye doctor always so happy?
A. He was an Opto-mist!

Q. What did the judge say about the bad eye doctor pun during the trial?
A. Eye will allow it.

Patient: I'd like a second opinion.
Doctor: Of course. Come back tomorrow.

Q. Why don't doctors every go on strike?
A. Because nobody, other than a pharmacist, could read their picket signs.

Never see a doctor whose office plants have died.
– Erma Bombeck

Medical Point to Ponder: Can Sick Pick Up Lines actually make you ill?

| Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Puns, and Healthy Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| Doctor Jokes & Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Dentist Jokes & Toothy Grins | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes, Insanely Crazy Puns | Brainy Puns and Cerebral Jokes | 2 |

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