Q. How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? A. SEX!   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Q. If your dog was a neuroloist, what would he do all day? A. He'd perform pet scans!
Q. What do you call a plastic surgeon knnown for leaving no scars A. Smooth operator!
Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A. Only one, but the bulb has to really watt to change!
Hospitals report hearts of bankers are in high demand by transplant patients because they've never been used!


Sick Jokes, Doctor Puns, MD LOLs, Healthy Laughs
Self medicate your funny bone with sick doctor jokes, viral humor, and contagious medical puns.

Doctor Jokes, Funny Medical Puns, Sick Puns
(Because Feverish Puns and Healthy Laughs Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're The Organ Donor!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Check up on funny medical jokes, healthy humor, and sick doctor puns ahead.
Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Germ Jokes | Sick Come-Ons | Dentist Puns |
| Surgeon Jokes | Eye Doctor Jokes | Eye Puns | Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Blood Jokes |
| Psychiatrist Jokes | Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes |
| Futuristic Medical Jokes | Urologist LOLs | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Puns | Brain Jokes |

Conversations between brain surgeons and anesthesiologists are mind numbing.Q. What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? A. Candy Cornea!Did you hear about the clever sleuth ophthalmologist? He closed the lid on this case!

Medical Pun of the Day: Losing your head in an emergency is a no brainer.

Q. Why did the library book go to the doctor?
A. Because it needed to be checked out.

A guy woke up after surgery and screamed, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, we had to amputate your arms."

Q. What do surgeons and church musicians do when they hang out together on Sunday afternoons?
A. They talk about organs.

Q. Who is Transylvania's most famous eye doctor?
A. Count Macula!

Q. What did the eye doctor say to the zombie during the exam?
A. Please don't roll your eyes toward me!

Q. Why did Satan visit his eye doctor?
A. Because the jokes were cornea than Hell!

Med Moan of the Day: A boy was born without eye lids, so surgeons circumcised him and grafted the foreskin on. Doctors report the boy is fine, but a little cock-eyed.

Q. What do ophthalmologists say about painful eye puns?
A. These jokes are so eye-ronic!

Far-Sighted Fact of the Day: Eye doctors truly are men of vision!

Q. What do you call an eye doctor who lives on an island in Alaska?
A. An Optical Aleutian.

Q. What would you call it if Brad Pitt had butt reduction surgery?
A. Bottomless Pitt.

Don't bother asking a podiatrist for metric conversions. He only knows feet.Q. Why should you love your eye doctor? A. It's an eye-deal relationship!Orthopedist claims working with fractures isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Q. Why did the shoe go to the doctor?
A. It needed to be heeled.

Medical Point to Ponder: If your doctor just keeps referring you to other doctors, how can you be sure he's actually a doctor and not a booking agent?

Q. What is it called when a surgeon slips and cuts off your right butt cheek?
A. A half-assed operation.

Patient: I'd like a second opinion.
Doctor: Of course. I understand. Come back tomorrow.

Wife: You know dear, without your glasses you look like the handsome young man I married.
Husband: Honey, without my glasses you look pretty darned good, too.

Eye Doctor: You need to stop masturbating so often.
Patient: Why? Will I go blind?
Eye Doctor: No, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable.

Q. What do a plastic surgeon and a chicken farmer have in common?
A. Both can supply big breasts.

Q. How many orthopedists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Why don't you just take out the socket? You're not using it anyway.

Q. What do you call two orthopedic doctors reading an EKG?
A. A double blind study.

Q. Why did the plastic sugeon apply for a programmer position?
A. Because he heard they needed back end development.

Q. When does a doctor get mad?
A. When he runs out of patients.

Eye Doctor: "Can you read the bottom line?" Polish Guy: "Read it? Heck, I know that guy!"The med student worried about passing as a surgeon, but did make the cut.What does an ophthalmologist say wehn he's stymied? Eye Caramba!

Q. Why do optometrists like PainfulPuns Eye Doctor Jokes?
A. It's a fun web sight for insiteful humor!

Q. Why can't an eye doctor count to 3?
A. Because they always get stuck on 1, or 2, or 1, or 2...

Q. What did the eye doctor comedian call his comedy club act?
A. A Cornea-copia of Jokes.

Q. What did the eye doc say to the office receptionist when she threatened to quit?
A. Please stye with me!

And now as an intern, the cutup doc keeps them all in stitches.

Q. What is the Christian plastic surgeon's specialty?
A. Faith lifts.

Q. What is minor surgery?
A. Any operation performed on somebody else!

Q. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to change the bulb, and one to remove the socket.

Q. Why did the psychic go to her eye doctor?
A. She was having a hard time seeing into the future.

Q. Why did the seer visit his eye doctor?
A. Because he needed his visions checked.

Q. How did the intuitive doctor know what was wrong with his patient?
A. He used his sick sense.

Today's Medical Groan: A guy didn't believe that the chiropractor could ease his back problems, but now he stands corrected.

Two surgeons were joking about sutures and had each other in stitches.Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A. PachydermatologistEye Doctor: "Read the bottom line." Patient: "Copyright 1999, Made in Japan!"

Q. How does becoming a physicist save lives?
A. It keeps some people out of medical school.

Q. What is the difference between God and a med student?
A. God doesn't think he's a doctor.

Q. What do you call a chiropractor who really enjoys his job?
A. A crack addict.

Q. Why did the doctor break up with his chiropractor girlfriend?
A. Because she was too munipulative.

Q. How many MDVIP doctors does it take to screw n a light bulb?
A. None. MDVIP doctors don't screw light bulbs, they screw patients out of a minimum of $1800 per year on top of their health insurance.

And, the elephant doctor will never forget how to spell that.

A guy ran into his dermatologist at a bar. Doctor asked, "Did that mudpack I gave your wife improve your wife's appearance?" Guy replied, "Yeah, but it kept falling off."

Q. What does the doctor, who is stuck in Denver, describe a terminal illness?
A. When you get sick at the airport.

Q. Which is the funniest medical position?
A. Chiropractor, because they always crack you up!

Q. How many US doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Sorry, your health plan doesn't cover that procedure.

Patient: I keep seeing double.
Eye Doctor: Well, just sit in that chair.
Patient: Which one?

Nostalgic Insight: My earliest childhood memory is going to the eye doctor when I was six. Everything before that is a mere blur.

Q. Which kind of medication makes you look down on your eye doctor?
A. Eye drops.

Q. How many emergency care clinic physicians does it take to screw n a light bulb?
A. Just one, but it will cost you ten times the amount your primary care doctor would charge you for the visit.

Old eye doctors never retire. They merely lose their focus.

| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Germ Jokes | Dentist Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
| How Many Doctors Does It Take To Change a Light Bulb? | Sick Medical Jokes, Hospital Humor |
| Shrink Jokes, Psychiatrist Jokes, Crazy Funny | Addict Jokes, Rehab Puns | Brain Jokes | 2 |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |
| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes | Old MDs Never Die |
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You've survived this far, so here's more medicated humor, infectious jokes,
and sickening painful puns to further addict you to medicinal laughter:

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| Religion Jokes | Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Humor | Sports Jokes | Undead Jokes | Vampire Puns | Vegan Jokes |

Smart Humor! Science + Math = Puns Pot Puns, Weed Jokes, Green Grow-ners!Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!
Monstrously Funny Puns Old Jokes & Old Never Die Puns Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes!

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