Patient: Doc, I'm having nightmares about a massive void.
Shrink: Don't worry. It's nothing.

Q. What do you call a pharmacy that may or may not exist?
A. An hypothecary.

Q. What do you call the security guard at the hospital pharmacy?
A. The Fentanyl Sentinel.

Q. Why would a proctologist make a great astronaut?
A. Because he knows his way around Uranus.

Q. What did the time traveling dentist say to the sabretooth tiger?
A. You have outstanding teeth.

Local news report a dentist was found deceased with a hatchet in his skull. Police are treating it as an axe-i-dental death.

Q. Who wrote the book, I'm Pretty Spaced Out?
A. Luna Tyckk.

Q. What is a himorroid?
A. Some pain-in-the-ass guy from outerspace.

Q. What is the definition of a terminal illness?
A. When you get sick at the airport.

UFO researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far...

Q. Which was the first professional to go all digital?
A. Proctologist!

Q. Why was the doctor shouting, "Tetanus, Measles, Mumps, Flu?"
A. Because he was calling the shots.

Q. Why did the psychiatrist stop treating extraterrestrials?
A. Because he couldn't find the patients.

Q. How did the doctor cure the invisible man?
A. He took him to the ICU.

Medical Wonder Point to Ponder: If your father was born with a conjoined twin and doctors separated them, do you have an uncle once removed?

Q. What do you give a person with water on the brain?
A. A tap on the head.

Q. Where do brains go to vacation in New England?
A. Braintree, MA!

Q. What do you call a group of brain cells that sing?
A. A glia club!

Q. What did Yoda's dentist say?
A. May the Floss Be With You!

Q. What did the Jedi Knight say to the proctologist?
A. Those aren't the roids you're looking for.

At couples therapy, the shrink asked the wife why she wanted to end their marriage. She said, "I hate the constant Star Wars puns." To which the husband replied, "Divorce is strong with this one."

Q. What do you call a sick wookiee?
A. Ahchoo Bacca.

Q. What did the Jedi veterinarian say to the sheep?
A. May the Force Be with Ewe!

Q. Why did the guy decide to have his Darth Vader-shaped mole looked at by a dermatologist?
A. Because it was a little on the dark side.

Q. Which topical medication do new adult film stars use?
A. Neosporn.

Q. Why did the actor in the prescription drug commercials cross the road?
A. To get the the other side effects.

Blonde: Doc, are you a James Bond fan?
Dr: No.

Q. How do you find the most rewarding dental industry jobs?
A. By word of mouth!

Q. How did Socrates' dentist make his mark on history?
A. With Flossophy.

Q. How do you describe an elderly dentist?
A. A bit long in the tooth.

Q. Which Jedi knight delivers babies?
A. OB-GYN Kenobi.

Mr. Spock: What is a hemorrhoid?
Doctor McCoy: A green blooded, pointy-earred male from outer space.

Dr. McCoy Pick Up Line: Nancy, they don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.

Doctor McCoy, While Thinking About Nancy: I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.

Q. What is impotent?
A. Distinguished and well-know.

Q. How do you know you're addicted to Star Trek?
A. You insist on calling your doctor "Bones."

Q. What do you call the short insane guy at the mental hospital who claims he's a little green space man?
A. An Astro-Nut!

Sick Hookup Line: Hey girl, are you a medical professional? 'Cause you just cured my ED.

Q. How many Enterprise doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Damn it Jim. I'm a doctor, not an electrician!

Q. What did Leonard McCoy say after he re-inserted Spock's brain into his head?
A. I should never have reconnected his mouth.

Q. How does the active ingredient in a suppository medication get absorbed by the body?
A. Ass-mosis.

Q. Why did the library book go to the doctor?
A. Because it needed to be checked out.

Doctor McCoy: Did you take the patient's temperature?
Nurse Chappel: No, it's still there.

Nurse: How is the guy who was addicted to time travel doing currently?
Shrink: That's all in the past now.

Q. What do you call a hot blonde time traveler who's late?
A. Pregnant. Duh!

Doctor Who Point to Ponder: Does a pregnant Cyberman say "processing" for nine months?

Q. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A. It thought it had a terminal illness.

Q. Which medication is lauded for being a murderer?
A. A pain killer.

Doctor: You're in perfect health and your pulse is as regular as clock work.
Patient: That's because your hand was on my wristwatch.

Q. What did Bones McCoy say about the burned out light bulb?
A. It's dead, Jim!

Q. What happened when the blonde left her ADHD medication in her Ford Fiesta?
A. It turned into a Ford Focus.

Q. What did the psychiatrist say to his new blonde nurse?
A. Please just say "We're really busy," instead of "It's a madhouse in here."

Patient: Everybody thinks I'm a liar.
Psychiatrist: I just can't believe that.

Q. What is reverse psychology?
A. When the patient makes the therapist cry!

I just got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks!

Medical Point to Ponder: If a doctor's office has two M.D.s on call all the time, is that a parodox?

Today's Point to Ponder: If Watson isn't the most famous doctor in England, then Who is?

A guy ended up at a party full of World Heath Organization medics. Obviously he was at the wrong Doctor Who convention.

Q. What time did Doctor Who go to the dentist?
A. Tooth Hurty!

Medicine Cabinet Point to Ponder: Why isn't thyme used in medicine? After all, thyme heals all wounds.

Doctor: Why did you take your meds before the prescribed time?
Blonde Patient: Because I wanted to surprise the bacteria.

Nurse: Would you like an appointment next week?
Patient: NO. I am sick right now!

Q. What did the Galactic Empire marriage counselor say to the struggling couple?
A. May divorce be with you.

Doctor Smith tells an alien he has a bad heart. The space alien says, "I want a second opinion." So, the Zachary Smith says, "You're ugly, too."

Q. What did Doctor Smith say after Will Robinson said he broke his leg in two places?
A. Stop going to those places!

Mr. Spock: What is a himorrhoid?
Doctor McCoy: A male from outer space.

Q. Why was the guy dressed as a Star Trek doctor booted out of the Sci-Fi convention?
A. Because he wasn't the real McCoy.

Doctor: Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backward.
Patient: And?

Medical Pick-Up Line of the Future: Hey there Gray, let's exchange genetic infomation!

Q. Which French seer claimed he could smell the future?
A. Nostrildamus.

Q. Why do Jedis make lousy marriage counselors?
A. Because their advice to males is always, "Use the Force."

Hikaru Sulu: Doc, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
Doctor McCoy: Next time, take the candles off.

Q. What did Counselor Deanna Troi say to the EMH?
A. Doctor, you're projecting again.

Doctor McCoy: Do you serve crabs here?
Waiter at the Space Bar: Yes sir. Please have a seat.

Doctor: Sorry for the long wait.
Sick E.T.: No problem. I'm patient.

Sci-Fi Sick Bay Pick-Up Line: Hey bae, my heart beats for you and that is why my ECG has a U wave.

Spaceship EMT Chat Up Line: Hi there, did you know I am really great at rapid spacesuit removal?

E.T.: What is a tumor?
Blonde NASA Astronaut: An extra pair.

Q. Why did the doctor stop studying extraterrestrial medicine?
A. Because he couldn't find the patients.

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