Q. What are eyeglasses called on Vulcan? A. Spocktacles!   PainfulPuns.com - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Eye Doctor: "Read the bottom line." Patient: "Copyright 1999, Made in Japan!"
It's easy to see that these eye puns are painful. Coldly, we do it just to break the eyes!
Q. What is an appropriate punishment for an optician who makes you messed up lenses? A. 20 Lashes!
My optometrist always has a few insightful puns to break the eyes!


Optometrist Humor, Eye Jokes, Hum-Iris Puns
Cross-eyed optometry puns, eye doctor humor, and eye-opening optician jokes to focus on.

Eye Jokes, Optometry Humor, Eye Doctor Puns
(Because Focused Jokes and Clearly Funny Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream If You Can't Find Your Glasses!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Unfocused humor, eye-ronic jokes, and blurry puns you didn't see coming ahead.
| Eye Doctor Jokes, Optometrist Puns, Ophthalmologist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Dentist Grins | Doctor Jokes | Surgeon Jokes | Psychiatrist Jokes | Brain Jokes | Face Jokes |
| Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes | Futuristic Medical Jokes | Sci-Fi Doctor Jokes | Dr. Who Jokes |

Optometrists live long because they dilate.Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A. Breasts don't have eyes!To all the pun masters out there, I'm just a pupil of the trade!

Old optometrists never retire. They just lose their focus.

Q. What is the most common cause of feline blindness?
A. Cataracts!

Q. What was the lens's excuse to the cop?
A. I've been framed.

Insightful Tip: Looking for something to tickle her funny bone and light up her eyes? Just enlighten her with hum-iris witticisms and arm yourself with humerus jokes!

Eye Doctor: You need to stop masturbating so often.
Patient: Why? Will I go blind?
Eye Doctor: No, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable.

Grandpa's Weather Report: It's so foggy tonight that I can see through my cataracts.

My girlfriend has beautifully colored eyes. I particulary like the blue one.

Q. Why did the cell phone have to wear glasses?
A. Because it lost all of its contacts!

Amasing Grace was an amazing optometrist! "Was blind, but now I see!"Eye Joke: Q When is a lens not a lens? A. When it's A-Fake-Ic!An optometrist fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.

Q. What did the mental patient ask his eye doctor?
A. Sometimes I just get tired of seeing things. Would it help if I take off my glasses?

Q. What did Old MacDonald say when he read the eye chart?

Q. What does an eyeball say when it has a fun weekend?
A. Eye had the time of eye life!

Visionary Fact of the Day: Optometrists are never short sighted.

Far-Sighted Pick Up Line: Hey girl, eye see you in my future.

Patient says, "I can't see very far with these new glasses." Eye doc points out the window and asks, "What's that up there?" Patient says, "The sun." Eye doc replies, "Well, how far do you need to see?"

Q. What are Spocktacles?
A. Eyewear on the planet, Vulcan.

Q. What did the optometrist say to the patient with three eyes?
A. Aye, Aye, Aye.

My eye doctor told me I needed multi-focal lenses, but all I heard was, "You are getting old."

Q. Why did the eyeball learn so quickly?
A. Because it had an Eye IQ.

Q. What did the sailor in the crow's nest say to his captain? A. Eye Eye!The ophthalmologist was called to testify because he was the only eye witness.Your glass eye pun was even cornea than this one!

Q. Where do bad strabismic patients go?
A. To Prism!

A lady walked into a shrink's office and announced that she had a screw loose. The blonde receptionist sent her to the optician's office next door.

Q. What does a garbageman use to see a long distance?
A. Bin-oculars.

Q. What did the judge say about the bad eye doctor pun during the trial?
A. Eye will allow it.

Q. What music do eye doctors prefer?
A. iTunes.

Q. What did the Chinese businessman say when he was told he has a cataract?
A. No, no, I drive a Rexus.

Q. Where is the eye located?
A. Between the H and the J.

Dad got a selfie stick for Father's Day. Turned out that he can finally hold the phone far enough away to read his text messages!

Focused Point to Ponder: Why does wearing eyeglasses infer intelligence rather than indicate broken eyes?

Happy Eye Day!Hey Gnirl, does your left eye hurt? 'Cause you're lookin' alright!Q. What's the difference between an optometry student and a trash can? A. the trash can goes out at least once a week!

Eye like Friday, too!

Receptionist: Why are you here to see the eye doctor today?
Patient: I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Receptionist: Have you seen the doctor?
Patient: No, only spots.

Q. How many eye doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Just one, 'cause they clearly see the problem.

Q. Why did the eye doctor break up with the orthopedic surgeon?
A. Because the eyeball didn't find the elbow's humerus jabs at all humor-iris.

Q. What did the snowman say to his son?
A. I told you if you kept crossing your eyes, they'd freeze that way!

Q. Why are optometrists so smart?
A. Because they were good pupils.

Wink, wink, you'll see this pun is a goody.

It's always nice to have some fresh punch lines to break the eyes.

Q. What did the observant guy say to the cheesy street magician?
A. I see what you did there.

Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Q. Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor?
A. Because he could Nazi.

| Eye Doctor Jokes and Optometrist Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Eye Puns | Sick Pick-Up Lines |
| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes, Eyewear Spectacles |
| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Germ Jokes | Dentist Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
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