Ghoulish Humor: I was thinking about a brain transplant, but I changed my mind. - Sick Puns, Doctor Jokes, Healthy Humor

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Q. Why was the cardiologist able to walk to work? A. Because he lived in the heart of the city!
Q. How does a spinal cord hammer a nail into the wall? A. with a spinal tap!
Q. What do you give a person with water on the brain? A. A Tap on the Head

Q. How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? A. Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to medicare!


Surgeon Jokes, Smooth Operator Puns, Humor Cuts
Operative jokes, surgical humor, and bloody funny puns are the cure for whatever you can afford.

Surgery Jokes, Transplant Humor, Surgical Puns
(Because Cutting Puns and Surgeon Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When You're Going Under the Knife!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Peril! Cutting edge jokes, implant humor, plastic laughs and uncut puns ahead.
| Surgeon Jokes | Blood Jokes |
Eye Doctor Jokes | Eye Puns | Dopey Pharmaceutical Jokes |
Doctor Jokes, Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Germ Jokes | Sick Come-Ons | Dentist Puns |
| Psychiatrist Jokes | Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes |
| Futuristic Medical Jokes | Urologist LOLs | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Puns | Brain Jokes |

Conversations between brain surgeons and anesthesiologists are mind numbing.Two surgeons were joking about sutures and had each other in stitches.Did you hear about the cosmetic surgery clinic's new sign? "If life gives you lemons, we can give you melons!"

Medical Point to Ponder: Do doctors tell each other surgeon jokes?

Q. Why didn't the dermatologist laugh at the surgeon's pun?
A. Because it was an inside joke!

A guy woke up after surgery and screamed, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, we had to amputate your arms."

I just got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks!

Q. Why was a duck arguing with the plastic surgeon?
A. 'Cause he wanted to have his bill reduced.

Have you seen the new Dr. Barbie doll? It operates on batteries!

Q. What caused the death of the old surgeon?
A. He just couldn't cut it any more.

Q. What did the unhappy guy say after his limb replacement surgery was botched?
A. I'll kill 'em with my bear hand!

Student Doctor: It looks like there's something written on this patient's big toe.
Famous Surgeon: Oh, yes. That's a footnote.

When a lawyer was coming out of anesthesia after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the drapes drawn?" The doctor replied, "There's a fire across the street, so we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

Q. What is it called when a surgeon slips and cuts off your right butt cheek?
A. A half-assed operation.

Bile Groan of the Day: A guy wasn't sure the surgeon could handle his hepatectomy, but the doctor did de-liver.

Q. How many surgical anesthesiologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Please count backwards from 100...

Today's Smooth Operator Wisdom: Never agree to have plastic surgery if the doctor's office is decorated with Picasso portrait prints.

Q. Where do plastic surgeons get all those new noses?
A. At the olfactory.

Q. Where do plastic surgeons shop before a boob job?
A. Breast Buy.

Q. Why did the plastic surgeon apply for a programmer position?
A. Because he heard they needed back end development.

Q. What do a plastic surgeon and a chicken farmer have in common?
A. Both can supply big breasts.

Q. How many cosmetic surgeons does it take to upgrade a pair of light bulbs?
A. It depneds how much wattage you want.

Q. Which kind of fish performs brain surgery? A. A brain sturgeon!Q. What do you call a plastic surgeon knnown for leaving no scars A. Smooth operator!Did you know that one way to avoid heart surgery is to exercise and eat well? Then you can just bypass it!

Brain Surgeon Tip of the Day: Losing your head in an emergency is a no brainer.

Q. Why do brain surgeons schedule surgery so early in the morning?
A. So that they can work ahead.

Brain Surgeon Come-On: Babe, if I synapse with you, we'll store some memories.

Q. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A. Blow in her ear.

Q. What do they say about horse surgeons?
A. They have stable hands.

Q. What is minor surgery?
A. Any operation performed on somebody else!

Q. What is it called when an unethical surgeon lies under oath about an operation he performed?
A. Surgery perjury.

Q. What should you do before having facial reconsturction surgery?
A. Pick your nose...

Q. What is the Christian plastic surgeon's specialty?
A. Faith lifts.

Today's Medical Practioner Malpractice Pun: Someone told a joke about transgender surgery. It took balls to pull that one off.

Q. How much does male to female gender reassignment surgery cost?
A. Almost a third of your salary.

Q. How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one, if he nose what he's doing.

Q. What is it called when a plastic surgeon agrees to swap breast implant surgery for the tattoo artist's services?
A. Tit for Tat.

Patient: What is a triple bipass?
Heart Surgeon: A very complicated freeway on ramp.

Q. Why should you never open your heart to a cardiac surgeon?
A. Let them do it. It's their job!

Pick Up a Cardiac Surgeon Line: You must be my coronary artery because you're wrapped around my heart.

Q. Why do cardiac surgeons make terrific public speakers?
A. Because they always cut to the heart of the matter.

Surgical Chat Up Line: Hey there, are you a cardiologist? 'Cause I want to surrender my heart to you.

Q. How many cosmetic surgeons does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Just one, but you have to look at a lot of before and after photos first.

The med student worried about passing as a surgeon, but did make the cut.Mad as I was, I didn't give the brain surgeon a piece of my mind.Orthopedist claims working with fractures isn't all it's cracked up to be.

And now as an intern, the cutup doc keeps them all in stitches.

Q. Why did the skeleton in med school turn down the chance to be a surgeon?
A. 'Cause he didn't have the stomach for it.

Q. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They'd rather wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant at that time.

Q. What is an organ transplant?
A. How your piano feels when you move it.

Q. What do surgeons and church musicians do when they hang out together on Sunday afternoons?
A. They talk about organs.

Chat Up Line in Operation: Hey girl, I'm not an organ donor, but I'd gladly give you my heart.

After the guy woke up from surgery, the nurse asked how he was feeling. He said he was okay, but didn't like hearing all the four-letter words in the OR. The nurse asked, "What did he say?" Guy answered, "OOPS!"

Q. Why are surgeons bad in relationships?
A. 'Cause they know everybody is the same inside.

A cardiac surgeon tells a guy he has a bad heart. The guy says, "I want a second opinion." So, the doctor says, "You're ugly, too."

Q. Why are cardiac surgeons so compassionate?
A. Because nobody else can touch the heart the way they can.

Q. Why did the blonde think her mouth replacement surgery went wrong?
A. 'Cause a voice in the back of her head kept teller her that.

Q. What did the orthopedic surgeon become after he retired and bought a hotel?
A. A room-atologist.

Q. Why should you trust the surgeons who are repairing your slipped disk?
A. Because they have your back.

Q. What is it called when orthopedic surgeons lose their medical licenses?
A. Unorthodocs.

Q. How many orthopedist surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Why don't you just take out the socket? You're not using it anyway.

Q. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to change the bulb, and one to remove the socket.

Q. Why are surgeons so wealthy?
A. 'Cause they always make the cut.

Did you hear about the circumcision doctor's wife who kept the foreskins? She made them into a purse. When she rubbed it, it became an overnight bag!Hospitals report hearts of bankers are in high demand by transplant patients because they've never been used!Q. How did the dentist become a brain surgeon? A. His drill slipped!

Q. What happened to the circumcision doc?
A. He slipped, and got the sack. OUCH!

Cutting Joke of the Day: A boy was born without eye lids, so plastic surgeons circumcised him and grafted the foreskin on. Post Op, the boy is fine, but a little cock-eyed.

Surgical Groan of the Day: Upon examination of the genetalia, Zobo the clown, has indeed been circus-cized.

Q. Why is circumcision still so popular?
A. Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not at least 15% off.

Q. What is the name of the surgery where a man gets a penis enlargement?
A. Addalittledictamy.

Q. What would you call it if Brad Pitt had butt reduction surgery?
A. Bottomless Pitt.

Q. What is post operative?
A. A person who delivers mail to the hospital.

Q. What do transplant surgeons fear most about their job?
A. Rejection.

Q. What is a triple bipass?
A. A play that works better than a quarterback sneak.

Cutting Room Groan of the Day: A guy was wheeled into the operating room, but then he had a change of heart.

Q. Why did the doctor win the best surgical oncologist award?
A. Because his mastectomy work was breast-taking.

Q. Why did the guy's wife leave him after he spent all their money on multiple penis enlargement surgeries?
A. Because she just couldn't take it any longer.

A woman tells her doctor she wants a hysterectomy. The doc asks, "Why Mrs. Robinson, you're 70 years old?" She replies, "I don't want any grandchildren!"

Q. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Just one 'cause they cut straight to it.

Q. What did one tonsil say to the other?
A. We'd better get dressed up because the surgeon is taking us out tonight.

A man returned to the vet clinic to see if his pet's surgery was successful. Vet says, "Here's the bill. Unfortunately, we couldn't reattach it to your duck."

Numbing Surgical Point to Ponder: If an anesthesiologist offers to knock you out with either gas or a boat paddle, is that an ether/oar decision?

Q. How did the blonde feel when the plastic surgeon said she didn't need a butt reduction?
A. She was pretty bummed out.

Killer Operating Room Laugh of the Day: My mother used to say that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. She was a lovely woman, but a terrible surgeon.

Q. Who wrote the painful medical paper, Failed Back Surgery?
A. Payne Hertz-Bach.

| Doctor Jokes and Nurse Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Germ Jokes | Dentist Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Surgeon Jokes | Urologist Jokes | Constipation Jokes | Diarrhea Jokes | Blood Jokes | 2 |
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| Optometry Jokes | Ophthalmology Jokes | Optician Puns | Glasses Jokes | Old MDs Never Die |
| Medical Jokes | Shrink Humor, Psychiatrist Jokes | Addict Jokes, Rehab Puns | Brain Jokes | 2 |
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