Old Doctors Never Die Jokes, Dead Physician Puns

Old Doctors Never Die Jokes, Dead Patient Puns
('Cause Dying Doctor Jokes and Dead Physician Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream If Your Dentist Bit the Dust!)

Q. What caused the death of the old surgeon?
A. He just couldn't cut it any more.

Ols medical doctors never die. The just keep JAMA-n' along.

Old dentists never die, but they do lose their pull.

Q. Why don't old chiropractors ever die?
A. Because they're so well adjusted.

Old chiropractors never die, but they do back out.

Old anesthesiologists never die, they just go under.

Old eye doctors never die, but they do lose their focus.

Q. Why did the happy old eye doctor believe he'd never die?
A. He was an Opto-mist!

Old eye doctors never die, but they do change theeir outlook on life.

Q. What did the EMTs call the unfortunate aptometrist who just keels over dead?
A. An eye dropper.

Q. Why did Satan come after the old eye doctor before he died?
A. Because his jokes were cornea than Hell!

Old hypochondriacs never die. They just imagine it!

Old hypochondiacs never die, because they've already had that...

Q. What did the hypochondriac say to his doctor after being told he was dying?
A. See, I otld you I was sick.

Q. What do sadistic doctors call six months to live?
A. A die-agnosis.

Q. Why did the old doctor decide to retire and close his practice?
A. He no longer had enough patients for the job.

Q. Do old psychiatrists ever die?
A. No, they just shrink away.

Q. Why don't wealthy old podiatrists die?
A. 'Cause they're so well-healed.

Old shribks never die because that wouldl be really small of them.

Nurse: My phone just died.
Doctor: Let's call it.

Q. Why did the old nurse make a rash decision to retire?
A. Because the pay was measle-ly

Q. How does a blonde nurse define rectum?
A. Almost killed 'em.

Did you hear about the nurse that died and went to hell? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work anymore.

Never see a doctor whose office plants have died.
Erma Bombeck.

Old heart surgeons never die, because they prefer to bypass death.

Q. What happens when old doctors die during their heart transplant?
A. He becomes an outpatient.

Doctor: You only have six months to live.
Patient: I can't pay your bill.
Doctor: Okay then, I'll give you another six months.

Old eye ophthalmologists never die, they just go out in stye-l.

After retirement, the eye doctor plans to focus a lot of time at the Mu-see-um of Science and Industry.

Q. Why dont old eye doctors ever die?
A. 'Cause they see no point in that.

Old eye doctors never die, but they do lash out.

Q. Why don't old opticians ever die?
A. 'Cause they see no future in it.

Q. Why is the life expectancy of ophthalmologists longer than urologists?
A. Because eye doctors dilate!

An optometrist fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.

Two surgeons were joking about sutures and had each other in stitches.

Q. What did the orthopedic doctor become after he retired and bought a hotel?
A. A room-atologist.

Old brain surgeons never die because they have a lobe of life.

Old bran surgeons never die, but they do lose their nerve.

Q. What was the cause of the old veterinarian's death?
A. An accidental Roverdose.

Q. Why did the old drug addict die?
A. He just got wasted away.

Old dentists never die, but they do brush off.

Old opticians never die. They just close the case.

Q. What happens to old dentists after they die?
A They decay.

Q. Why do dentists choose burial instead of cremation when they pass away?
A. They have an appreciation of roots.

Q. What did Yoda say at the dentist's funeral?
A. May the floss be with you.

Old cardiac surgeons never die, but they do become disheartened.

Q. How did the old surgeo die?
A. He didn't make the cut.

Old med students never die they just get D graded.

Q. What is a newly deceased orthopedic surgeon called:
A. Unorthodocs.

Killer Doctor Joke of the Day: My mother used to say that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. She was a lovely woman, but a terrible surgeon.

Potty Humor: Urologists Know How to Go with the Flow!

Ol phlebotomists never die, they ust go with the flow.

Q. Why did the cross-dressing plastic surgeon commit suicide?
A. 'Cause he was die-curious.

Q. What did the inept doctor wear to his patient's funeral?
A. A malpractice suit.

Q. What's the difference between a mechanic and a doctor?
A. A mechanic fixes his mistakes, but the doctor buries his.

When a lawyer was coming out of anesthesia after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the drapes drawn?" The doctor replied, "There's a fire across the street, so we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

Old urologists never die, they just peter out.

Q. How did the old urologist pass away?
A. He just went down the drain.

Q. Do old proctologists ever die?
A. No, they just butt out.

Old proctologists never die, but they do feel rather down in the dumps.

Deadly Groan of the Day: Old proctologists never die. They just smell that way.

Q. Why did the old proctologist retire?
A. Because he was tired of being the butt of all these shitty jokes.

Q. Why do proc docs avoid barium enemas?
A. Because that's what they have to do, in the end, when the patient dies.

Q. Why do't old hospital CEO doctors ever die?
A. Because they think they're God.

Old gastrologists never die because they can't stomach the idea.

Q. Why don't old lawyers ever die?
A. Because they threaten the doctor with malpractice.

Q. Do greedy MDVIP doctors ever die?
A. No, because they bleed their patients bank accounts to death.

Q. How did the greedy MDVIP doctor meet her demise?
A. She tripped over her over-inflated ego and was run over by a bus.

You're still alive and well, so here's even more healthy humor, contagious
laughter, sick jokes and brain numbing painful puns to die for:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

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