I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.   PainfulPuns.com - Job Jokes, Funny Occupations, Work Whoas?

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Q. What's the best way to charge a car battery? A. With a credit card!
Banana Joke: Why did the banana fail the driving test? A. It kept peeling out!
What did the alien say to the gas pump? Please take your finger out of your nose!
Q. Why did the blonde smear peanut butter on the road? A. To go with the traffic jam!
Q. What kind of cars do Santa's elves drive? A. Toy-otas!


Mechanic Jokes, Lube Humor, Grease Monkey LOLs
Motor along with car tune puns, free-wheeling laughs, repair humor and gut-wrenching jokes.

Funny Auto Mechanic Jokes and Car Repair Puns
(Because Car Repair Jokes Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream While You're Riding in a Tow Truck with Your Mechanic!)
Warning: Car Mechanics Love Tow Truck Jokes! Tuned up humor, jacked up jokes, and pumped up puns ahead.
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Q. What is the favorite flower of USA auto owners? A. The Car-Nation!They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn't eat it because it was full of carbs.Q. What do you need to become an expert mechanic? A. Fine Motor Skills!

Q. What did the disgruntled guy say to his mechanic?
A. You auto know better!

Q. What did the auto mechanic say to the guy at the NAPA store?
A. Oh, give me a brake!

Q. Which cable channel do auto mechanics enjoy?
A. The Car Tune Network.

Q. What did the auto mechanic do during his spare time?
A. He liked to draw cartoons.

Q. Why wouldn't the blonde go to Grease Monkey during her lunch hour?
A. Because she was a vegan.

Q. Why do mechanics like working on Fords?
A. They come from the factory with the problem circled.

Q. How do you know you've found the right auto mechanic?
A. He understands all the language you speak to describe the @#$%! problem.

Auto mechanic Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, wanna lubricate my camshaft?

Q. What did the NAPA clerk say to the guy who asked if he could get a wiper blade for his Yugo?
A. Sure, sounds like a fair trade to me!

Did you hear about the mechanic who performed abdominal surgery on a robot? It was gut-wrenching!

Q. What did the alien say to the gas pump?
A. Take your finger out of your nose while I'm talking to you.

Did you hear about the mechanic who is afraid of speed bumps? He's slowly getting over it.

Q. How many auto mechanics does it tke to change a light bulb? A. Six. One to force it with a hammer and fie to go out for more bulbs!Q. What kind of car does a stoner drive? A. A Blazer!Q. How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? A. Two. One to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds the one that fits, and one to tell you he thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket!

Q. Which film was about really bad auto mechanics?
A. The Last and the Furious.

Q. How many union mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A. 12, well that's what's written in the contract.

Q. Why did the devoted mechanic close his repair shop?
A. He recently fell from grease.

Q. What did the auto mechanic have to do to diagnose the car's problem?
A. Get a fix on it.

Q. What do you get if you cross an auto mechanic and an ancient Egyptian?
A. Toot'nCarMan!

Q. What did the blonde say when the mechanic asked her what coolant is?
A. Duh, a small insect with style!

An eskimo goes to his mechanic. Mechanic says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The eskimo replied, "No, that's just frost on my mustache."

Q. Why was the guy fired for putting in too many shifts?
A. Because he worked at AAMCO repairing transmissions.

Q. How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four. One to force it loose with a hammer, and three to run out for more bulbs.

Q. Which film about auto mechanics won an Oscar?
A. Lord of the Springs.

Q. What does your auto mechanic do when he stubs his big toe?
A. He calls a big tow truck.

Q. Why was the race car mechanic fired?
A. His performance was poor, plus he had pit smell.

Q. Where do Volkswagons go when they get old? A. To the old Volks home!You might be from Colorado if you carry your $3000 bike on top of your $500 car!Q. How do you change tires on a duck? A. With a Quacker Jack.

Q. Why do babies make crappy auto mechanics?
A. Because of their poor motor skills!

Q. What did the auto mechanic tell the EMTs after he slipped and fell on his tools?
A. It was a gut-wrenching experience.

Q. What's the difference between a bad auto mechanic and a bad politician?
A. With a mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed.

Q. Why did the mechanic quit working for Midas Mufflers?
A. 'Cause the job was so exhausting.

Q. Which salesman has the slickest line?
A. The STP rep.

Q. Which kind of motor oil does Darth Vader use while tooling around the streets of Denver on vacation?
A. Sithetic.

Q. What's the difference between a car mechanic and a quantum mechanic?
A. The quantum mechanic can get your car into the garage without opening the door.

Today's Stylin' Ride News: Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He really needed to change attire!

Q. What is the cheapest way to make your car run better?
A. Go check out new car prices.

Q. Why didn't the guy with ADHD get new brakes when his mechanic said it was time?
A. Because that would slow him down!

Q. What do you call a cross-dressing auto repair technician?
A. A gender-bender fender-mender.

Q. What kind of mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?
A. Quantum Mechanics!

Q. How did the auto mechanic get his tools from place to place?
A. He used a lug wrench.

Q. Why was the guy fired from the muffler factory?
A. Because he was always so exhausted!

Q. What's another name for a dentist's office? A. A filling station!Q. How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb? A. Six. You got a problem with that, pal?Q. Why did a blonde go to the dentist? A. Because somebody dented her car!

Q. What happened to the blonde who was pumping gas while smoking a cigarette?
A. Her arm caught on fire. When the cops showed up, they shot her for waving a fire arm.

Q. What did one mechanic say to the other mechanic after they broke the car?
A. How will we wrench ourselves out of this one?

Old auto mechanics never die, but they do retire.

Q. What did the big carburetor say to the little carburetor?
A. Don't inhale so fast, or you'll choke!

Car Repair Point to Ponder: Is having car insurance a pre-wreck-quisite?

Q. What is the name of the new line of men's antiperspirant deodorant inspired by race car drivers?
A. Pit Stop!

Q. Why did the lumber truck stop?
A. So the driver could jack off.

Q. Why did Walt Disney visit an auto mechanic?
A. He wanted to have his car tuned.

Q. What do you call a tractor-trailer driver who does okay for himself?
A. Semi successful.

My Mechanic Blew My Mind: I never knew my mechanic was a psychic until he announced that I had blown a tranny in my car!

Q. Why did the blonde trucker go past the truck stop?
A. Because she had to pee. Duh!

Q. Why is it so hard to find funny auto mechanic jokes?
A. Because car repairs are NOT funny! OUCH!

Q. Which two things might a fruit-loving classic car buff have handy?
A. Peaches and chrome.

Q. Why don't old auto mechanics ever die?
A. Because they're so well lubricated.

Q. Why did a blonde drive to the auto body repair shop?
A. She was looking for a dentist!

Q. How did the blonde get in and out of Jiffy Lube so fast?
A. The mechanic said all she needed was blinker fluid.

Q. Why did the blonde think her car needed another muffler?
A. Because it was cold outside.

Q. What ?is the job title of the salesman who supplies the auto body shop
A. Fender Vendor.

Tow Truck Driver Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, is your battery dead? 'Cause I'd like to jump you.

Old brakes never die, they just wear away.

The air compressor at the gas station used to be a quarter and now it's two bucks. That's inflation for you.

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