Q. How does a pirate declutter his ship? A. He has a Yarrrd Sale!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. Where do ships go when they are sick? A. The dock!
Q. What happened when Blackbeard fell overboard into the Red Sea? A. He got marooned!
Q. What do pig sailors yell when they stop the ship? A. Oinkers Aweigh!
Q. Which fish do pirates like the most? A. The Swordfish!
Pirate Pick-Up Line: So you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon?


High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, Sea Captain Puns
Navigate a boatload of seafaring puns, crew-ed pirate humor, and really shippy jokes on sail.

Pirate Jokes, Seaworthy Puns, Ship Humor
(Because Sailing Jokes and Ahoy Humor Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for Marooned Pirates on the High Seas!
Warning: Dock at This Port with Caution! Mayday jokes, SOS LOLs, passing ship humor and sinking puns ahead.
| High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, and Sea Captain Puns | 2 | Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 |
| Pirate Jokes and Sea Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |

Q. How do you save a drowning pirate? A. With C P ARRR!Q. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A. Because they spend years at C!Q. Why does a pirate carry a bar of soap with hin at all times? A. If his ship is sunk, he'll wash up ashore!

Q. How do you make an old yacht look younger?
A. Boat-Tox.

Q. What is it called when a catamaran does a U-turn?
A. An a-boat face.

Q. During which time period did the sea captain put out the most distress calls?
A. During his mayday heyday.

Q. What look does a pirate give his shipmates before walking off the ship?
A. A plank stare.

Q. How did pirates describe ocean conditions after the whole crew took a dump?
A. Poop-sea.

Q. Why did the pirate start doing drugs?
A. Pier pressure.

High Seas Point to Ponder: Does the book about the moon's effects on the world's oceans have a tidal page?

Q. When is the best time for a pirate to buy a new ship?
A. When they are on sail!

Q. Why was the tugboat operator so unforgiving?
A. He harbored a grudge.

Q. What do you call a group of rogue Canadians that sails the sea, singing about looting and stealing?
A. 21 Pirates.

Q. What happened when the red ship collided with the blue ship?
A. The sailors were all marooned!

Q. Which breakfast cereal features bites shaped like little boats?
A. Fruit Sloops.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy! How'd ye like to sink my battleship?

Q. Which vessel is preferred by beer-drinking pirates?
A. The schooner.

Q. Which day of the week really floats a sea captain's boat?
A. Aye Day.

Q. How are trumpet players and pirates alike? A. They're both murder on the high Cs!Q. What is a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? A. Arrr? No, the C is his love!The sailors said "Hello" as their boats passed on the Hi Seas!

Q. What do you call a barking dog aboard an underwater ship?
A. A sub woofer.

Q. What is the stinkiest part of a pirate ship?
A. The poop deck!

Q. What is long and hard, and full of seamen?
A. A submarine.

Q. Why was Popeye such a great photographer?
A. 'Cause he was DSLR Man.

Q. What did the sea captain say when a sailor capsized a dingy?
A. You should have known boater!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: My lady, you can unfurl my sail any time!

Q. What does a mermaid wear to math and botony classes?
A. An algae-bra, naturally!

Q . Why did the mermaid wear seashells?
A. Because B-shells were too small.

Q. Why did the blonde pirate navigator get the crew lost?
A. Because he had ship for brains.

Q. What do you call a guy who just won't stop talking about how fast his boat can go?
A. Motor mouth.

Q. Who reps the company that supplies replacement parts to schooners?
A. The sails man.

Scary Groan of the Day: Sea monster jokes are Kraken me up.

Q. Which command causes sailors to start using their computers and smart phones?
A. All hands on tech!

Q. What kind of laundry detergent do sailors use?
A. Tide.

Q. Which pirate ship has a closed entry?
A. A frigate.

Q. How does a pirate declutter his vessel?
A. He has a yaRRRd sale!

Q. What happened when the yachtsman unexpectedly passed away?
A. He merely keeled over.

Q. Why aren't there many toy boat jokes?
A. 'Cause nobody can repeat them three times.

Did you know that sea captains don't like crew cuts?Q. What did the sailor in the crow's nest say to his captain? A. Eye Eye!When someone claimed the skipper was unskilled at mooring the ship, he replied, "You're one to dock!"

Q. What did the captain of the Beagle say when there was a crisis on board?
A. All Hounds On Deck!

Q. What is Captain Hook's favorite place to shop on shore leave?
A. The second hand store.

Q. What do you call the slow Internet service on an ocean cruise?
A. Laten-sea.

Q. What do you call a structure that spans across two ring-shaped islands?
A. Atoll bridge.

Q. Why did the seaman go to the store and buy a signal light?
A. He wanted to bring home the beacon.

Old sailing ship captains never die. They just can't sea as well.

Q. What does a pirate wearing a monocle use to navigate the seven seas?
A. An Aye Chart.

Q. What does a patch-wearing pirate fear most while navigating polar seas?
A. Eyes Bergs!

Q. What do pirates wear when sailing in icy waters?
A. PaRRRkas.

Q. What is it called when a sailing crew goes out to sea to capture large, flat fish?
A. Catching some rays.

Old sailors never die. They just sail into the sunset.

Q. What happened after technology was used to calculate the depth of the Mariana Trench?
A. It became fathomable.

Q. When is a boat just like winter snow?
A. When it's a drift.

Q. What's the difference between an iceberg and a lint brush?
A. One crushes boats, but the other brushes coats.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy wench! How about we get together to haul some keel?

Q. What do you call a sticky nightmare about swimming in an ocean of orange soda?
A. A Fanta Sea.

Q. What do you call a portable writing surface for a seaman on a cruise?
A. A shipboard clipboard.

Q. What did the captain do when a bunch of brat kids were goofing around at the back of the ship?
A. He gave them a stern warning.

Q. Which kind of ship is feared most by pirates? A A Relationship!Q. Which are the only notes a pirate vocalists can hit? A. The high Cs!Q. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply? A. He bought it on sail!

Q. Which ocean habitat features ill-tempered residents that like to argue?
A. A quarrel reef.

Q. Which side of his ship does a pirate try to avoid?
A. The outside.

Q. Why couldn't the crew of the pirate ship play cards?
A. Because ye captian was standing on deck.

Old sailors never die. They just lose their porpoise.

Q. How do vampires cross the seven seas?
A. In blood vessels.

Q. Why did the pirate go on a vacation?
A. He needed some ARR and ARR!

High Seas Hookup Line: If you were mine, I would kiss your coral lips all day.

Q. What happened to the pirate who got a mast-ive concussion?
A. Now he's got ship for brains.

Q. What did the sea say to the captain of the pirate ship?
A. Nothing. It just waved.

Q. Do old sea captains ever die?
A. No, they just drift away.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Lady, I've sailed the seven seas, and you're the sleekest schooner I've ever sighted!

Q. What is the name of Dracula's new ship?
A. The Blood Vessel.

Q. What is a ghost pirate's favorite high seas beverage?
A. Boo Tea.

Q. Where do zombies like to go boating?
A. The Dead Sea.

Q. Where do the captains of the buccaneer ship line have meetings?
A. At Cor-pirate headquarters.

Q. What do pirates on passing ships say to each other?
A. I sea you.

Old yachtsmen never die. They just keel over.

Q. Where does a seaman go when he has diarrrhea?
A. The poop deck.

Q. What do you call a country that's obsessed by the sea?
A. Row-mania.

Sea Captain Chat Up Line: Why does your break say no when your heart says yes?

| High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, Sea Captain Puns | 2 | Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 |
| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
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| Hipster Jokes | Bad Hair Puns | 2 | Blonde Jokes | 2 | Light Bulb Jokes | Fair Weather Puns |

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