Q. Why do pirates always win dance contests? A. They know how to shake their booties!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. How does a pirate stop computer hackers? A. He installs a patch!
Q. What do you call a pirate droid? A. ARRR2- D2!
Did you know that sea captains don't like crew cuts?
Q. Why do pirates cry all alone? A. Because they have private tears!


Pirating Puns, Sea Raider Humor, Ship Jokes
Walk the plank with poop deck puns, rock the boat humor, and shiver me timber pirate jokes.

Pirate Jokes, Arr Matey Puns, Sea Mate Humor
(Because Booty Jokes and Plank Humor Could Never Be TOO Mainstream for the Pirate or the Cabin Boy!)
Warning: Aye Matey, Thar She Blows! Shippy jokes, decked-out humor, matey grins and privateer puns ahead.
| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, Sea Captain Puns | 2 | Sealife |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |

Pirate walks into a bar. Bartender: "Did you know there's a steering wheel in your pants?" Pirate: "Arrr and it's driving ne crazy!"Q. How do you save a drowning pirate? A. With C P ARRR!Q. Which Star Wars character is a pirate's favorite? A. Arrr2D2!

Q. Where do pirates go to have a few too many drinks?
A. The Sand Bar.

Q. Why couldn't the pirate think straight after surviving the hurricane?
A. He had ship for brains!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy Lass! How about we go back to me ship and rock the boat?

Q. How do pirates pay for a round of grog at the pub?
A. With bar-nickles!

Q. How do pirates believe their domain will ultimately end?
A. ARRRmageddon.

Q. Why did his mates force the pirate to walk the plank?
A. Because he ship his pants off the poop deck.

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Ahoy! So you're the new cabin boy, eh?

Q. Which musical instrument did the pirate play in the band?
A. The guitaRRR.

Q. What do you call a DVD with 3.14 stars?
A. Pi-rated!

Q. Which command causes sailors to start using their computers and smart phones?
A. All hands on tech!

Q. Why didn't the pirate enjoy the concert?
A. Because he was in the last row.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Save a ship. Ride a pirate!

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Ahoy Lad, bring on the storm. I like it rough.

Q. What was the name of Blackbeard's wife? A. Peg!Q. Why did one pirate move to Russia? A. He wanted to become a czarrr!Q. Why did the pirate give up the game of golf? A. He kept hooking the ball!

Q. Which actress is the favorite of pirates?
A. Dyan Cannon.

Q. Why do most pirates end up getting divorces?
A. Due to all the aRRRguments and the wandering aye.

Q. What is a pirate's favorite part of the foot he still has?
A. The aRRch.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: My lady, me ship was sunk before I laid ayes on ye.

Q. Where does a pirate go when he has diarrrhea?
A. The poop deck.

Q. Who wrote the book, Hidden Pirate Treasures?
A. Burr E. Moore.

Q. Where do pirates go to play pinball?
A. The aRRcade.

Q. What did the pirate say when his leg got stuck in the door of the walk-in cooler?
A. BRRR! Shiver me timbers!

Q. Which ailment to geriatric pirates suffer from most often?
A. ARRRthritis.

Little Known Pirate Factoid: Pirate ship captains do not like crew cuts!

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Aye, that's quite a cutlass ye have thar. What ye need is a good scabbard.

Q. Which street does a pirate travel when in town on shore leave?
A. The main aRRtery.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: That pirate outfit looks hot on you! Wanna search me for buried treasure?Q. Why does a pirate carry a bar of soap with hin at all times? A. If his ship is sunk, he'll wash up ashore!Q. What's the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate? A. One has a rumbling tummy, and the other's a tumbling rummy!

Q. Why does a pirate wear underwear?
A. To hide his booty!

Q. Where do pirates deposit their trash?
A. In a gaRRRbage can.

Q. Why did the pirate go to acting school?
A. He wanted a paRRRt in the next Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Q. How do British and Aussie pirates refer to a dumbass landlubber?
A. ARRse.

Q. Why did the pirate ship cross the sea?
A. To get to the other tide.

Q. What is it called when a pirate's boat runs aground?
A. Ship out of luck!

Q. What did the whaling pirate say during the wicked winter storm?
A. Thar she blows!

Q. What did pirates name their ship's cat?
A. Arrnie.

Q. Which vessel is preferred by beer-drinking pirates?
A. The schooner.

Q. Why did the pirate buy kegs of grog?
A. It was on sail.

Q. Which gym exercise keep pirates in such great shape?
A. Planks.

Q. Where do utopian pirates retire in Greece?
A. ARRcadia.

Q. What is a pirate's favorite country? A. Arrrgentina!Q. Where do pirates keep their cookies? A. In a cookie jarrr!Q. How do pirates make money? A. By hook or by crook!

Q. Why do pirates like evenings?
A. Because pirates are not afraid of the daRRRk night.

Q. Why do all pirates carry a bar of soap on them at all times?
A. In case they need to wash up ashore.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: All hands on deck!

Q. Which element fascinates pirate scientists?
A. ARRRgon.

Q. What is a pirate's favorite kind of cookie?
A. Ships Ahoy!

Q. What does a pirate wear only on Halloween?
A. A cabbage patch.

Q. Which kind of handcrafted loaves are pirate bakers famous for?
A. ARRtisan bread.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: You must be a pirate, 'cause I am digging your booty!

Pirate Factoid: Hooks and wooden legs are expensive these days. They cost an arm and a leg.

Q. What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes?
A. One dozen pirates!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: I'd swab your deck, any day!

Q. Where do pirates store their guns and weapons?
A. In an aRRmory.

| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 | High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, and Sea Captain Puns | 2 |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes, Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Sealife | Groggy Jokes |
| Travel Jokes | World Traveler Jokes | Cross the Road Jokes | Time Travel Puns | Timely Jokes |
| Groaner Jokes | Daily Groaners | Police Puns | Lawyer Groans | Criminal Jokes | Money Groans |
| Hipster Jokes | Bad Hair Puns | 2 | Blonde Jokes | 2 | Light Bulb Jokes | Fair Weather Puns |

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