Q. How does a pirate declutter his ship? A. He has a Yarrrd Sale!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What did the sailor in the crow's nest say to his captain? A. Eye Eye!
Q. How are trumpet players and pirates alike? A. They're both murder on the high Cs!
Q. Why don't pirates shower before they walk teh plank? A. Because they'll just wash up on shore later!
Q. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A. Because they spend years at C!



Seafaring Puns, Pirate Jokes, Maritime Humor
Sink-up with ship out of luck humor, vitamin sea puns, and important pirate jokes.

High Seas Jokes, Pirate Puns, Ship Humor
(Because Sailor Jokes and Humor That Rocks the Boat Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Pirates on Shore Leave!)
Warning: Run Aground at Ye Own Risk! Shallow seas humor, deck-head jokes, and oceans of shorey puns ahead.
| High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, and Sea Captain Puns | 2 | Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 |
| Pirate Jokes and Sea Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
| Sport Fishing Jokes and Fisherman Puns | Fishy Jokes | Finny Fish Puns | Groggy Jokes |

Q. Why are pirates such great singers? A. they can hit the high Cs!Q. Where do pirates park their ships? A. In the Harrrbor!What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A Nervous Wreck

Q. Which command causes sailors to start using their computers and smart phones?
A. All hands on tech!

Q. What do you call a portable writing surface for a person on a cruise?
A. A shipboard clipboard.

Q. Why couldn't the pirate think straight after surviving the hurricane?
A. He had ship for brains!

Q. What do you call a fisherman who drinks too much while out to sea?
A. A beer-a-cuda.

Q. What did the captain say when the pirate ship ran aground?
A. We're SHIP out of luck!

Q. What do you call a structure that spans across two ring-shaped islands?
A. Atoll bridge.

Q. What did the pirate say when asked if he was happy to spot land?
A. I shore am!

High Seas Point to Ponder: Does the book about the moon's effects on the world's oceans have a tidal page?

Q. Where do ghosts go sailing?
A. Lake Eerie!

Q. Why didn't the two algae ever have sex?
A. Because they had a planktonic relationship.

Q. Which mysterious Mafia member dwells alongside a long lake in Scotland?
A. The Loch Ness Mobster!

Little Known Pirate Factoid: Pirate ship captains do not like crew cuts!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: All hands on deck!

A guy thought he was drowning in Coca-Cola, but it was just a Fanta sea!Q. What did the ocean say to the pirate? A. Nothing. It just waved!Q. What did one boat say to the other on Valentine's Day? A. Are you up for a little row-mance?

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Ahoy Matey! Wanna take a ride in my crow's nest?

Q. What is it called when a pirate's boat runs aground?
A. Ship out of luck!

Q. Why was Noah the most successful investor?
A. 'Cause he floated stock, while everything around him went into liquidation. 

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Ahoy! So you're the new cabin boy, eh?

Q. What did the sea lion say when he was falsely accused?
A. Hey, it was the otter guy!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: I'll be the captain, if you'll be my first mate.

Q. What do you call a country that’s obsessed by the sea?
A. Row-mainia.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy! Let's weigh anchor!

Q. Why didn't the deepsea fisherman make it as a rapper?
A. His lines were okay, but his hooks were debaitable.

Q. What did the boat store call a big discount?
A. A two-for-one sail!

Q. What's the worst part of cleaning a pirate's ship?
A. The poop deck, but the barnacles are the hardest thing to clean – other than their Net surfing history.

Q. Why did his mates force the pirate to walk the plank?
A. Because he ship his pants off the poop deck.

Pick-Up a Pirate Line: Lad Ahoy! Come dock in my port!

Q. Where is a great place to get fast cash for all the shrimp you don't need?
A. At the Prawn Shop.

Q. How does a sea captain use amphibians? A. As frog hornsQ. Where do ships go when they are sick? A. The dock!Q. What do pig sailors yell when they stop the ship? A. Oinkers Aweigh!

Q. What did the sea lion say when he was falsely accused?
A. Hey, it was the otter guy!

Q. What is a sea pirate's least favorite vegetable?
A. Leeks!

Q. Which kind of ships give seafaring pirates a very hard time?
A. Long distance relation-ships.

Q. Why did the pirate ship cross the sea?
A. To get to the other tide.

Point to Ponder: When boat shops sell sloops, cutters, and ketches, does the price include sails tax?

Q. What does a sick boat need to feel better?
A. A little vitamin sea.

Q. What is the hardest thing to clean off a pirate ship?
A. The baRRRnicles.

Q. Why should pirates work for FedEx?
A. They have the fastest ships in the shipping business.

Q. Why did the underwater science team win the grant?
A. They had a great sub mission.

Q. What do you say to somebody who sails off after the sunset?
A. Ebon voyage.

Q. Why are there fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A. Because they dropped out of school.

Q. Why do pirates make excellent fishermen?
A. Because they always hook the big one.

Q. Why did the tourists take a ride in the submarine?
A. To sea creatures.

Q. What do you call a group of pirate ships?
A. An ARRRmada.

Q. What does it take to build a submarine that can reach the lowest points in the ocean?
A. Deep pockets.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: So you mind if I drop anchor in your lagoon?Q. What did the sea say to Santa Claus? A. Nothing, it just waved!Q. What does pirate Santa say? A. Row Row Row!

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Save a ship. Ride a pirate!

Q. Why do all pirates carry a bar of soap on them at all times?
A. In case they need to wash up ashore.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Aye, ye shall prepare to be boarded!

Q. Where do high seas sailors keep singing seahorses?
A. In a coral choral corral.

Q. Why did Edison fill his attic with helium?
A. Because he wanted a light house.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: A good pirate goes down with his ship? Wanna go down with me?

Q. Which pirate, with no arms or legs, fell overboard?
A. Bob.

Q. What do you get when you cross a marooned sailor with a sea cow?
A. Humanatee.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy Lass! How about we go back to me ship and rock the boat?

Q. What kind of music do sea sailors listen to aboard a dingy?
A. Rock n Row.

Q. Which kind of doll will you find in the ocean?
A. The doll-fin.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Lassie, not only do I have a ship, but it's a long one.

Q. What happened to the dancing pirate who went to the seafood-themed disco?
A. He pulled a mussel.

Q. How can you make sure a dock gets a fair trial?
A. Have the case decided by a jury of its piers.

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Wanna come back to my home port and see my dock?

Pirate Pick-Up Line: Ahoy, wench! Would ye like the honor of scraping the barnacles off me rudderRR?

| High Seas Humor, Boat Jokes, Sea Captain Puns | 2 | Arr! Talk Like A Pirate Jokes | 2 |
| Pirate Jokes and Arr-ful Buccaneer Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Salty Pirate Pick-Up Lines |
| Pirate Cuisine Jokes and Salty Food Puns | Seafood Jokes, Crusty Crab Humor, Fish Fry Puns |
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