A friend annoys me with bad puns, but toucan play at that game!   PainfulPuns.com - Pet Puns + Funny Birds, Cats, Dogs = Pet Peeves

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Fish Asks: Which pet makes the loudest noise? A. A Trumpet!
You might be from Colorado if you plan all your dinner dates at dog-friendly restaurants!
Q. What did the cat say after he lost all his money? A. I'm Paw!
Q. How are a counterfeit coin and a crazy rabbit alike? A. One is bad money and the other is mad bunny.

Q. What did the alien say to the feline? A. Take me to your litter!
Q. Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs? A. Santa Paws!

 


Pet Jokes, Pet Animal Puns, Furry Funny Jokes
Find adoptable pet jokes, tame animal humor, feather funny puns and some horsing around.

Pet Animal Humor, Funny Pet Jokes, Pet Peeves
(Because Animal Lovers and Pet Owners with a Tweet Sense of Humor Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream at PetsMart!)
Warning: Please Don't Pet the Animals! Furry funny animal puns and jokes ahead, feather you're ready or not.
| Pet Animal Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Bird Jokes | Dog Jokes | 2 | Pet Cat Jokes | Feline Jokes |
| Finny Fish Puns | Fishy Humor | Frog Jokes and Toad Puns | Snake Jokes and Reptile Puns |
| Vet Jokes | Mouse Jokes, Rat Puns | Rabbit Jokes, Bunny Puns, Hare Humor | Pet Rodent Jokes |

Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede? A. A Walkie TalkieA cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse, with baited breath.Q. If your dog was a neuroloist, what would he do all day? A. He'd perform pet scans!

Q. What do you call the pet canary that flew into a pastry plate?
A. Tweetie Pie.

Q. What does a romantic pet parrot offer his lady love?
A. An en-cage-ment ring.

Q. Why do pet crows and ravens tell really dumb jokes?
A. Just be-caws!

Q. Which geometric figure represents a lost parrot?
A. A polygon!

Q. Why do crows tell really dumb jokes?
A. Just be-caws!

Q. What do you call the pet kitty cat who was caught by the police?
A. The Purr-pet-rator.

Q. What do you call it when a pet cat wins the dog show?
A. A Cat Has Trophy!

Q. What is your pet kitty cat's favorite meal of the day?
A. Sup-purr!

Q. Why do pampered house cats always get their own way?
A. 'Cause they're purr-suasive!

Feline Fine Chat Up Line: Hey there, are you a cat? 'Cause you're purrr-fect.

Q. What do you get if you cross a calculator and a dog?
A. A friend you can count on!

Q. Which type of chair does a big tired dog prefer?
A. A bark-a-lounger.

Q. Which breed of dog tells off-color jokes?
A. A sMutt!

Q. Where do dogs and cats go online to stay connected to friends and family?
A. Snoutbook, the social petwork.

Q. What is a sure sign Fido got into tonight's dessert?
A. Pudding on the dog.

Q. Do Birds Always Know Exactly Where They're Going? A. No, sometimes they just wing it.Q. What City Has the Largest Rodent Population? A. HamsterdamTwo Fish Are in a Tank. One Asks the Other: "How Do You Drive This Thing?"

Q. Which kind of duck can fix anything?
A. Duck Tape!

Q. What happens when a pet duck flies upside down?
A. He quacks up!

Q. What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
A. Fowl Weather.

Q. Why was a pet duck arguing with the plastic surgeon?
A. Because he wanted to have his bill reduced.

Q. Which kind of bird doesn't need a comb?
A. A bald eagle.

Q. Why did the blonde's pet rodent eat a candle?
A. It wanted a light snack, duh.

Q. Which pet animal is small, furry, and smells like bacon?
A. A hamster.

Q. How do you save a drowning pet rodent?
A. With mouse to mouse resuscitation!

Q. How did the pet mouse feel after taking a shower?
A. Squeaky clean.

Q. Who helps prairie dogs construct new homes?
A. The hole family.

Q. What party game do pet goldfish like to play?
A. Salmon Says.

Q. Why are pet goldfish orange?
A. The water makes them rusty.

Q. What happened to the pet angelfish who wanted to be a TV news reporter?
A. The first time he went on air, he died.

Q. What do you call a smelly fish at the aquarium?
A. A Stink Ray!

Fish Hookup Line: Hey Wanda, wanna come up to my place where I can show you my lure?

Funny Sign at a Toy Store: Please don't feed the animals! They're already stuffed...Q. What is the difference between a frog and a cat? A. A frog croaks all the time, a cat only nine times.Q. How do you change tires on a duck? A. With a Quacker Jack.

Q. How does info travel so quickly from parrot to parrot?
A. Bird of Mouth!

Q. Why did the parrot wear a rain coat?
A. She wanted to be polly unsaturated.

Q. What does a romantic pet parrot offer his lady love?
A. An en-cage-ment ring.

Q. What do you get when you cross a pet canary and a lawn mower?
A. Shredded Tweet.

Q. What do you call a very rude and obnoxious bird?
A. A Mockingbird.

Q. What is purranoia?
A. The nagging fear that your cat is up to something.

Q. What does a cat say when he's stuck in a cardboard box?
A. Let me-owt!

Q. What did the cat say when the three-legged mouse got away from her?
A. You gotta be kitten me!

Q. How do cats keep their alley crime free?
A. They use claw enforcement.

Q. What do you call the sound your cat made right now?
A. Purr of the moment.

Q. What is a pet duck's favorite television program?
A. The daily feather forecast.

Q. Which dirty bird stole all the soap?
A. The robber ducky!

Q. How do you make a duck sing soul music?
A. Toss him in the clothes dryer until his Bill Withers.

Q. What did the duck do after he read all these Painful pet Puns?
A. He quacked up!

Q. What do you get if you cross a chicken and a duck?
A. A bird that lays down!

Fun FarmSaying: A Horse is a Very Stable Animal.My Pig Had a Rash, So the Vet Gave Her Some Oinkment.Q. What is the difference between a frog and a cat? A frog croaks all the time, a cat only nine times.

Q. What is a horse's favorite state?
A. Neigh-braska.

Q. What is a horse's second favorite state?
A. Maine.

Q. What should you call a horse with no hair on his neck?
A. He shall remain maneless.

Q. What do you call a cheap guy who owns small horses but doesn't spend much money on them?
A. A pony-pincher.

Horsey Pick-Up Line: Hay Mare, wanna horse around?

Q. Why shouldn't you ever tell your pet pig a secret?
A. Because they always squeal!

Q. Why did the pet pig join the army?
A. He heard the food was a mess.

Q. Why are pet pig puns so funny and interesting?
A. 'Cause there's always a twist in the tale!

Q. What do you call a pig with no legs?
A. A Groundhog!

Q. On which February holiday do pigs elect their new leader?
A. Crowned Hog Day!

Q. What do you say to a hitchhiking frog?
A. Hop In.

Q. Why was the little pet tadpole feeling so lonely?
A. Because he was newt to the area.

Q. Where does a frog go to wash up?
A. The river basin.

Q. What do you get if you cross a frog and a baseball player?
A. An outfielder who catches flies, and then eats them!

Q. What does a skydiving frog wear?
A. A jumpsuit.

Q. Why didn't the dog want to play football? A. He was a Boxer!Q. What is the difference between a fish & a guitar? A. You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish!Animal Pun: Did you hear about the snake that gave birth to a bouncing baby boa?

Q. Which dog breed laughs at every joke its master cracis?
A. The Chi-ha-ha.

Q. What happened to the dog who swallowed a firefly?
A. He barked with de-light!

Q. What do you call a barking dog aboard an underwater ship?
A. A sub woofer.

Q. What did the dog say to the flea?
A. Stop bugging me, Dude!

Q. What happens if a dog chases a cat right into a geyser?
A. It starts raining cats and dogs!

Q. Which kind of fish really likes to play the guitar?
A. Bassist.

Q. Which game show do pet fish enjoy the most?
A. Name That Tuna!

Q. What is the catchy new underwater social network called?
A. Fishbook!

Q. What's it called when you’re watching only one fish swim around in your backyard pond?
A. Two sides of the same koi.

Fishy Pick-Up Line: Hey Wanda, wanna come home with me to see my catfish?

Pet Reptile Fact of the Day: Snakes really enjoy hisss-terical puns!

Q. What do you call a snake that's not wearing clothes?
A. Snaked!

Q. Which kind of snake routinely only eats dessert?
A. The Pie-Thon!

Q. What does a snake use to shoot something?
A. A boa and arrow.

Q. What does a snake take to relieve its allergy symptoms?
A. Anti-hiss-tamines.

| Pet Animal Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Veterinarian Jokes | Dog Jokes | Colorado Dog Jokes |
| Pet Cat Puns and Cat Lady Jokes | Feline Humor | Wildcat Jokes, Cheetah Puns, Lion LOLs |
| Bird Jokes | Duck Jokes, Quack Puns, Loon Laughs | Goose Jokes and Water Fowl Humor |
| Owl Jokes, Owl-ful Puns | Cocky Rooster Jokes | Chicken Jokes, Hen Humor | Dinosaur Jokes |
| Pet Rodent Jokes | Mouse Jokes, Rat Puns | Rabbit Jokes, Funny Bunny Puns, Hare Humor |
| Farm Animals | Cow Puns | Pig Puns | Sheep Puns | Donkey Jokes | Horse Jokes | Broncos |
| Finny Fish Puns | Fishy Humor | Marine Mammal LOLs, Sealife Jokes | Frog Jokes, Toad Puns |
| Wild Animal Jokes | Wolf Howls | Bear Puns | Deer Humor | Bat Jokes | Animal Poop Puns |
| African Safari Animal Jokes | Monkey Jokes | Gorilla Jokes, Big Ape Puns | Elephant Jokes |
| Kangaroo Humor | Reptile Puns | Snake Jokes | Scary Animal Jokes | Animal Pick-Up Lines |
| Bug Puns, Insect Jokes | Bee Jokes | Spider Jokes | Animal Music Jokes | Party Animal Grins |
| Colorado Animal Jokes | Bigfoot Jokes | 2 | 3 | Animal Sports Humor | Xmas Animal Jokes
|

PainfulPuns Home
You've purred along this far, so here's even more petty laughter, furry jokes,
arF-ing funny humor and flea-bitten painful puns that deserve a cookie:

More Painful Puns, Groaner Jokes, and Unanswered Riddles...

| Ancient Aliens Jokes | Coin Jokes | Colorado Puns | Dating Jokes | Furniture Jokes | Guitar Jokes | Hair Jokes |
| Hipster Humor | Magic Jokes | Military Jokes | Music Jokes | Neighborhood Jokes | Pizza Jokes | Poker Puns |
| Sci-Fi Jokes | Seasonal Humor | Shopping Jokes | Sports Jokes | Travel Jokes | Trumpet Jokes | Turdy Jokes |

Animal Puns, Wildlife HumorClucking Funny Farm Animal Puns Painful Jokes & Groaner Puns
Funny Riddles, Punny Answers!Crappy Puns & Sh*tty Jokes!Painful Puns, Punny Funs, Ouch!

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