Q. How do you compliment a donkey? A. "Hay, nice ass!"   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Farm Humor, Clucking Funny Jokes!

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Q. What do you call a donkey on steroids? A. An ass-teroid!
Q. How do you get a horse drunk? A. Drink him under the stable!
Horsing Around: If ya wanna make money as a comedian, you gotta have a cents of humor.
Q. What do you call a promiscuous pony? A. A little whorse!
Q. Why did the anorexic blonde start eating hay? A. Her doctor told her she needed to eat like a horse!


Horse Humor, Donkey Puns, Horsey Jokes
Hay, here's a stable supply of horse puns, mule jokes, ass humor and lots of horsing around.

Horse Jokes, Donkey Humor, Stable Puns
(Because City Jokes and Metropolitan Puns Are TOO Mainstream for Bad Asses, Studs, and Hipster Horses!)
Warning: Horses Present. Watch Where You Walk! The road apples aren't the most painful thing ahead.
| Horse Jokes, Pony Puns | 2 | 3 | Donkey Jokes, Ass Puns | Broncos Jokes | Animal Poop Puns |
| Dairy Farm Humor | Cow Puns | Bull Puns | Cowboy Jokes | Pig Jokes | Baad Sheep Puns |
| Funky Chicken Jokes | Rooster Puns | Fun On the Farm | Farm Crime LOLs | Farm Music Jokes |

Q. Who wond the cowboy's chess match? A. It ended in a drawl!Fun FarmSaying: A Horse is a Very Stable Animal.I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1, and it did! But, all the others came in at 12:30!

Q. Which street do horses live on?
A. Mane Street!

Q. Why did the horse talk with hay in its mouth?
A. It lacked good stable manners.

Q. What do horses say about Painful Puns that feature equines?
A. Neigh!

Q. How did the dude ranch owner figure out which horse was most popular with the dudes?
A. He conducted a Gallop Poll.

Q. What do you call a young guy with the emotional character of a horse?
A. Colt-hearted.

Q. Why did the horse cross the road?
A. Because somebody shouted, "Hay!"

Q. What do you call an equine that wears condoms?
A. Trojan Horse.

Q. What kind of horse do you ride down Elm Street?
A. A Nightmare!

Q. Which route do crazy horses take through the forest?
A. The psychopath.

Q. What should you call a horse with no hair on his neck?
A. He shall remain maneless.

Q. What do race horses eat?
A. Fast Food.

Q. Why don't race horses wear underwear?
A. Because it rides up on them.

Q. How did the winning jockey communicate with his horses?
A. He laid all his cards on the stable.

Q. How are jockeys and clouds alike?
A. They both hold reins.

Q. How is an egg like a young horse?
A. You can't use either until they're broken.

Q. When did the horseback trip begin?
A. Ride On Time.

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but he ca't make him drink it!Q. What do you call a baby donkey? A. A Burrito!Q. What did one horse say to another? A. The pace is familiar, but I can't remember the mane!

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey." Horse says, "Yes please. And can I get a beer with that?"

Bag of fertilizer walks into a bar. Bartender says, "You can come in, but don't give me any sh*t."

Q. What sickness can a cowboy get from riding a wild horse?
A. Bronchitis!

Q. Who were the most legendary horse thieves?
A. Bonnie and Clydesdale.

Equine Pick-Up Line: Hay Mare, are you a racehorse? 'Cause when I ride you, you'll always finish first.

Q. What happens when you buy a mini donkey?
A. You get a little ass.

Q. What do you get if you cross a donkey and a motorcycle?
A. A Yam-Hee-Haw.

Donkey Etiquette Tip of the Day: Burros love it when you use the term: Laughing My ASS Off!

Q. What do you call a donkey that digs a tunnel?
A. A burro.

Equine Chat Up Line: Hey there, I bet the other donkeys are jealous 'cause that's one fine ass.

Q. What do you call a horse that keeps losing its iPad?
A. An Appaloosa!

Q. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?
A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

Q. Where do horses shop?
A. Old Neigh-vy.

Q. Which type of underwear do race horses wear?
A. Short Jockeys.

Horsey Pick-Up Line: Hay girl, aren't you tired? 'Cause you've been galloping through my mind all evening.

Q. What do you call a donkey that throws nuts to the moon? A. An ass-throw-nut!Q. What do you dall a veterinarian with laryngitis? A. Hoarse DoctorQ. When do vampires like horse racing? A. When it's neck & neck!

Q. What do you call a donkey with a Ph.D?
A. A smart ass!

Q. What do you get if a donkey eats a porcupine?
A. A pain in the ass.

Q. How do you insult a lazy mule?
A. Call him half-assed!

Q. What did the redneck name his new jackass?
A. KickAss.

Q. What did the horse say when it fell?
A. I've fallen and I can't giddyup!

Q. How does a vet treat a horse with a cold?
A. With cough stirrup.

Q. What do you call a dark horse tale?
A. Black Beauty.

Q. Why did the farmer ride his horse into town?
A. It was too heavy to carry.

Q. How do you save a horse that's been possessed by an evil demon spirit?
A. Perform an ex-horse-ism.

Q. Where do horses get their hair done?
A. Maine.

Q. What do they serve at the dude ranch before the main course?
A. Horse d'oeuvres.

Q. Why did a pony have to gargle?
A. It was a little hoarse.

Q. Why do horses fart when they buck? A. Because they can't acheive full horse power without gas!Q. What do you get if you cross an optometrist convention and a donkey auction? A. Two eye-gl-asses for the price of one!Q. How does a cowboy get his horse to do odd jobs around the ranch? A. He pays hin under the stable!

Q. Which kind of horse really enjoys baked beans?
A. The Pinto.

Q. What happened after a horse swallowed four quarters?
A. It bucked.

Q. What kind of bakery does a horse like?
A. Thoroughbread.

Q. When does a horse talk?
A. Whinny wants to!

Horse Hookup Line: Hay lady, you're a fine little filly. I'm a purebred myself, so you wanna go for a quick trot?

Q. What do you call a cheap guy who owns small horses but doesn't spend much money on them?
A. A pony-pincher.

Q. Which famous Italian friar and philosopher was actually a great horseman?
A. St. Thomas Equinas.

Q. What is a stable diet?
A. Oats.

Q. Why did the jockey quit his job?
A. He wanted a change of pace.

Q. What do you call a donkey with a banjo?
A. Bluegr-ass.

Q. What do you call a bar fight with donkeys?
A. Whoop ass.

Q. What do donkeys send out at Christmas time?
A. Mule-tide greetings.

Q. What do you call it when you drop the little donkey you were carrying because Painful Puns cracked you up so much?
A. Laughing your ass off.

Racy Horse Pick-Up Line: Hay there big fella, if I ran a race with you, I'd let you come first every time!

Q. What is it called when donkeys party loudly?
A Cele-bray-ting.

Q. Which award was presented to the journalist who broke the story about asses that genetically modify donkeys?
A. The Mule It Surprise.

Q. How many animals can fit into a pair of pantyhose?
A. Ten little piggies, two calves, one ass, one beaver and several thousand hares.

Q. Who helps the horse stable cleaning guy?
A. His co-pile-it!

Q. What do you call a noisy horse?
A. A herd animal!

Stallion Pick-Up Line: Hey Mare, I'd love to foal-fill all of your needs tonight.

Q. What's the difference between a horse and the weather?
A. One is reined up, and the other rains down.

Q. What do horses see before they hear thunder?
A. A lightning colt.

Today's Horsing around: Horses do not love the idea of being urged to go faster because it's spur of the moment.

Q. What do you call a race horse that wins a lot money for its owner?
A. A thorough bread winner.

Q. What do you call a horse that has sold almost all of its pickups?
A. A a one truck pony.

Unicorn Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I have got a major horn on for y

| Horse Jokes, Pony Puns | 2 | 3 | Donkey Jokes, Ass Puns | Broncos Jokes | Animal Poop Puns |
| Cow Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Cow On Moon | Bull Puns | Beefy Humor | Ranch Puns, Cowboy Jokes |
| Farm Crime LOLs and Cow Cop Jokes | Pig Jokes | 2 | 3 | Baad Sheep Puns | Farm Music Jokes |
| Chicken Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Chicken Cross the Road | Rooster Puns | Goose Jokes | Duck Puns |
| Farmer Jokes | Farmer's Market Jokes | Farm Crop Puns | Fun On the Farm | Dairy Farm Jokes |
| Farm Animal Astronaut Jokes | Garden Animal LOLs | Animal Pick-Up Lines | Wild Animal Jokes |
| Animal Music Jokes | Pet Puns | Sports Animal Jokes | Party Animal Puns | Xmas Animal Puns |
| Farm Jokes and Farm Animal Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Farm Pick-Up Lines |

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