Q. What do you call a cow without any front legs? A. Lean beef!   PainfulPuns.com - Animal Puns, Farm Humor, Clucking Funny Jokes!

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Q. How many pastry chefs does it take to make pie? A. 3.14, but it only takes one cow!
Q. Which part of math does a cow enjoy most? A. Mootiplication!
Q. What do you call it when a cow blends into its surroundings? A. Being ca-moo-flauged!


Funny Cow Humor, Bull Jokes, Moody Cow Puns
Udderly sick cow humor, dairy funny cow jokes, a-moo-sing cow puns and high steaks comedy.

Dairy Cow Jokes, Bull Humor, Cow Puns
(Because Bullsh*t Citified Puns and Steak Jokes Are Far TOO Mainstream for Hipster Cows and Laughing Stock!)
Warning: Free Range Farm Animals Present. Watch Where You Walk! The smell isn't the most painful thing here.
| Cow Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Cow On the Moon | Bull Puns | Cowboy Jokes | Dairy Farm Humor |
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| Funky Chicken Jokes | Rooster Puns | Fun On the Farm | Farm Crime LOLs | Farm Music Jokes |

Q. What happened when the cow  tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? A. Udder DestructionQ. How hard is it to milk a cow? A. It's easy as cow pie!Q. What do you call it when one cow spies on another? A. A steak out!

Q. What did the bored cow moo-an about in the morning?
A. It's just an udder day.

Q. What did the cow say to the wolf?
A. I've go no beef with you.

Q. How many cows cows does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to hold the bulb, and the udder to turn the chair.

Q. What happens if you try to lecture a teenage a cow?
A. It just goes in one ear and out the udder.

Q. What do you get if you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and Quackers!

Q. What does a cow order at Starbucks?
A. A half-calf-double-latte.

Q. What is a steak pun?
A. A medium where anything well done is rare!

Q. Why are steaks so happy at barbeques?
A. They get to meet all their old flames.

Q. Where do cattle stay when they're on vacation?
A. At a mootel.

Q. How can you stop a bull from charging? A. Take away his credit card!When making non-dairy butter, there is little margarine for error. Q. Why does a milking stool only have three legs? A. Because the cow has the udder!

Today's Beef Tip Straight from the Steer: Eat healthy! Eat salad, eat chicken, eat beans...

Q. Why does the bull have to wear a bell around his neck?
A. Because his horns don't work.

Q. How do you make a cow be quiet?
A. Just press the moo-te button!

Q. What job best suits a cow?
A. Baker, because they make cow pies all of the time.

Q. What is a cow's favorite soft drink?
A. Mountain Moo.

Q. What did Elsie say to her baby cow?
A. Bessie, it's pasture bedtime.

Q. What do you call a cow who has just given birth?
A. De-calfinated.

Q. Where do baby cows grab a quick lunch?
A. At the calf-ateria.

Q. What does Elsie sigh every moorning?
A. It's just an udder day.

Q. Where do cows get their weapons? A. At ar-moo-ries!Q. What's the difference between a bull and a band? A. The bull has the orns in the front and the ass in the back!Q. What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A. A Lawn Moo-er.

Q. What do you call a fight between two herds of cows?
A. A Cattle Battle.

Q. Why was the cow so afraid?
A. She was a cow herd.

Q. What happens when a mad cow gets loose?
A. Udder Destruction!

Q. What is a beef lover's favorite song lyric?
A. Is it meat you're looking for?

Q. What is a beef eater's favorite song lyric?
A. My grill, talking 'bout my grill, my grill.

Q. What do you get if you cross a lawyer and a cow pie?
A. Expensive Bullshit.

Q. What subjects do cows study in school?
A. Moosic, Psycowolgy, Cowculus.

Q. Which US state has the most cows?
A. Moo York.

Q. Which day of the week do working cows dread most?
A. Moonday.

Q. What do you call a cow eating grass? A. Lawn Moo-erQ. What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument? A. A Moo-Sician!Q. After the bank robbery, why did the owner buy cows? A. To beef up security!

Q. What is it called when one cow spies on another cow?
A. A steak out.

Q. What happens if a cow laughs too hard?
A. She cow-lapses!

Q. What product does a cow clean her kitchen with?
A. Moo-p and Glow.

Cowboy Chat Up Line: Hey gal, I saw how you handled that mechanical bull, so I want to let you know you can straddle me any time.

Q. How can you tell if your steak enjoys classical music?
A. It frequents the Meatropolitan Opera House and Cownegie Hall!

Q. What is a cow's favorite rock band?
A. Mootley Crue.

Did you know that cows like Marvin Gaye? Yes, I heard it through the bovine.

Q. What did the farmer get when he crossed maize with a cow?
A. Corned Beef.

Milky Pick-Up Line: Hay girl, have you ever milked a cow before? 'Cause your gonna need a bucket for this too.

Q. What happened to that lost beef shipment?
A. Nobody's herd!

Q. Where does a cow stay when she's on vacation?
A. At a moo-tel.

Q. What do you call bovine leather that's been enhanced with metal for added strength?
A. Iron ox-hide.

If you didn't like that last painful cow pun, don't worry. We've got lots of udder funny jokes.

| Cow Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Cow On Moon | Bull Puns | Beefy Humor | Ranch Puns, Cowboy Jokes |
| Farm Crime LOLs and Cow Cop Jokes | Pig Jokes | 2 | 3 | Baad Sheep Puns | Farm Music Jokes |
| Horse Jokes, Pony Puns | 2 | 3 | Donkey Jokes, Ass Puns | Broncos Jokes | Animal Poop Puns |
| Chicken Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Chicken Cross the Road | Rooster Puns | Goose Jokes | Duck Puns |
| Farmer Jokes | Farmer's Market Jokes | Farm Crop Puns | Fun On the Farm | Dairy Farm Jokes |
| Farm Animal Astronaut Jokes | Garden Animal LOLs | Animal Pick-Up Lines | Wild Animal Jokes |
| Animal Music Jokes | Pet Puns | Sports Animal Jokes | Party Animal Puns | Xmas Animal Puns |
| Farm Jokes and Farm Animal Humor | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Farm Pick-Up Lines |

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You've herd this much, but here's even more meaty humor, de-calf jokes,
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