How Does a Man on the Moon Get His Hair Cut? Eclipse It.   PainfulPuns.com - Smart Humor, Science Puns, Math Jokes, Pi!

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Why do all the other letters of the alphabet hate hanging out with N? A. Because it has to be the center of atteNtion!
Knowledge is the Key. It looks like you've been locked out!
Q. Which three candies can you find in every school? A. Nerds, Dum Dums, and Smarties!
Q. What did the triangle say to the circle? A. You're pointless!
Q. Where do planets and stars go to study? A. The University!
did you realize it's easy to add zero plus zero? There's nothing to it!

 


Painful Brainy Puns That Really Smart, Ouch!
Clever puns, science humor, genius jokes, wise cracks and nerdy math jokes add up to laughter.

Brainy Jokes, Nerdy Humor, Smart Jokes
('Cause Intelligent Humor, Genius Jokes, and Smart Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream, Especially @Twitter!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! This is a smart ass LOL accelerated course that even MENSA laughs at.
| Brainy Jokes & Smart Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Brainiac Puns | Brain Jokes | 2 |
| School Jokes | Teacher Jokes | Literary Puns, Library Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Author Unknown |
| Science Jokes and Scientist Puns | 2 | Science Pick-Up Lines | Chemistry Jokes | Physics Puns |
| Math Humor | Weather Jokes | 2 | Colorado Weather Jokes | Moon Jokes | Planetary Puns |
| Astronaut Jokes, Outer Space Humor and Cosmology Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Cows in Space |

Groaner: A Book Just Fell On My Head. I've Only Got My Shelf To Blame.What is copper nitrate? Overtime for policemen.Q. What Do You Get If You Cross a Donkey with an Owl? A. A Smart Ass That Knows It All!

Q. Why was the librarian given the Lifetime Achievement Award?
A. 'Cause she had a storied career.

Q. What do librarians take with them when they go fishing?
A. Book Worms!

Q. How is the library like the hooker standing on the corner in front?
A. Both are open to the public.

Pick-Up a Librarian Line: Hey girl, are you my favorite book? 'Cause when I look at you, I touch my shelf.

Q. What did the librarian say when her shift was over?
A. Time to Book!

Q. What did the library cop say when the guy didn't pay the late fee?
A. I'm gonna have to book ya.

Q. What did the chemist say when he escaped the police?
A. Cu later, Copper!

Q. How often do you come across really smart and funny chemistry jokes?
A. Only periodically.

Q. Why didn't the smart student ever drink water while studying chemistry?
A. Because water decreases concentration!

Q. What happened after the chemistry teacher threw Sodium Chloride at a student?
A. She was arrested because that's a salt.

An English teacher asked a smart ass student to name two pronouns. The student replied, "Who, Me?"

Q. What does a mallard use to do math?
A. A quack-ulator.

Q. Which are the smartest letters of the alphabet?
A. Ys!

Q. What do you call a school kid with a dictionary in his pants pocket?
A. Smartie Pants!

Q. Why did so few folks read the Dachshund's autobigraphy?
A. Because it was such a long story.

Babe, I gnome my math and you have one significant figure!Q. What is a Thesaurus' Favorite Dessert? A. Synonym BunsQ. What is a gnome's favorite subject? A. Gnome Room

Q. How does a math professor propose to his girlfriend?
A. With a polynomial ring!

Trivial Math Thought of the Day: Decimals do have a point.

Q. What does a geometry teacher call a square that's been in an accident?
A. A Wreck-tangle!

Anacronism That Doesn't Add Up:
M.A.T.H. = Mental Abuse To Humans.

Q. Why did the M&M go to school?
A. Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!

Q. Who did not write the book, Healthy Lunch Bites?
A. Chris P. Bacon.

Q. What is the most popular dessert of math teachers in Georgia?
A. Peach Pi.

Q. What did scientists name the newly discovered dinosaur that is thought to have been highly intelligent?
A. Thesauraus.

Q. Why don't farts ever graduate from high school?
A. Because they're always being expelled!

Q. Who is the biggest story teller at school?
A. The lie-brarian!

Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire?
A. Lots of blood tests.

Q. Why do magicians do so well in school?
A. Because they're so good at trick questions!

How did one astronaut on the moon say he was sorry? He Apollo-gized.Did you swallow magnets? 'Cause gnirl, you're so attractive!A rubberband pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math destruction.

Q. What holds the moon up?
A. Moonbeams.

Q. What do you call a moon out of orbit?
A. A Lunatic!

Q. Why did the astronaut give up his dream of going to Mars?
A. Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

Q. Why were cosmonauts on the old Russian space station always bumping into things?
A. Because objects in MIR are closer than they appear.

Q. Why did the scientist announce the research results for his new invisibility cloak?
A. He wanted to make himself perfectly clear.

Q. Why was the amateur physicist sucked into a black hole?
A. 'Cause he didn't fully comprehend the gravity of his situation.

Q. What is a particle physicist's favorite cocktail?
A. A Large Hadron Colada.

Q. What does a scientist say about something that doesn't exist?
A. It doesn't matter.

Academic Point to Ponder: Teachers always tell us to follow our dreams... Yet, they don't let us sleep in class?

Q. What did the algebra book say to the arithmetic book?
A. So, you think you've got problems!

Q. What do you call two dudes who love math?
A. Alge-bros.

Q. Why should students never say "288" at school?
A. Because that's two gross!

Q. What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter? A. Moon PiMad as I was, I didn't give the brain surgeon a piece of my mind.Luckily I brought my library card 'cause I am checking you out!

Mathematics Fact of the Day: An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.

Q. What does a math geek have for dessert on Thanksgiving?
A. Pumpkin Pi.

Q. Who came up with King Arthur's Round Table?
A. Sir Cumference.

Q. What did the triangle say to the circle?
A. You're pointless.

Q. How many sides does a circle have?
A. Two. An inside and an outside.

Mindless Banter of the Day: However, zombies really ticked me off, and I mean off.

Q. Why did the zombie miss school today?
A. Because he felt so rotten.

Smart Tip of the Day: Losing your head in an emergency is a no brainer.

Q. Why was the brain neuron sent to the principal's office?
A. It had trouble controlling its impulses.

Q. Why didn't the neurotic guy buy the book about phobias?
A. He was afraid it wouldn't help...

Q. Why did the shy, dumb, clumsy guy toss a dictionary to the librarian, hitting her in the head?
A. 'Cause he wanted to Face-Book her.

Did you hear about the new book about Teflon? It contains non-frictional characters.

Q. What's the difference between a boring person and a boring book?
A. You can shut the boring book up.

Q. What did the librarian say when the local library troll asked her out on a date?
A. Sorry, I'm booked.

| Brainy Jokes & Smart Puns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Brainiac Puns | Brain Jokes | 2 |
| School Jokes | Teacher Jokes | Literary Puns, Library Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Author Unknown |
| Science Jokes and Scientist Puns | 2 | Science Pick-Up Lines | Chemistry Jokes | Physics Puns |
| Math Humor | Weather Jokes | 2 | Colorado Weather Jokes | Moon Jokes | Planetary Puns |
| Astronaut Jokes, Outer Space Humor and Cosmology Puns | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | Cows in Space |


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Work Humor, Joking on the Job Sharp Pick-Up Lines, Cheesy Come-Ons Tech Jokes, PC Puns & Net Ouch!

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