Q. Why does an elephant use his trunk as a bookmark?
A. So he nose where he stopped reading.

Q. Which vegetables do librarians like?
A. Quiet Peas!

Writing Fact of the Day: A pencil is not prone to making Freudian slips, but a pen is.

Q. Where do poems come from?
A. Poe-Trees.

Q. Why didn't the chemistry teacher ever tell jokes?
A. He was afraid he wouldn't get a good reaction.

Q. What kind of fish is made of two sodium atoms?
A. 2 Na.

Q. What is a chemist's favorite plant?
A. Stoichome-tree.

Prince Harry: Don't you know the Queen's English?
Unimpressed Blonde He Didn't Marry: Why yes, I've heard she is!

Q. Why do hep cats avoid the book, Raising Dogs at the library?
A. 'Cause it's a pup-up book!

Teacher: How many books have you read in your lifetime?
Student: I dunno. I'm not dead yet.

Q. Why did the kid want to be an astronaut?
A. 'Cause his parents told him the sky is the limit!

Q. What does an astronaut use to keep his feet warm?
A. A Space Heater!

Q. What do you say to a hot astronaut?
A. Back that NASA up!

Q. Remove my first letter and I sound the same. Remove my last letter and I sound the same. Remove my middle letter and I still sound the same. What am I?
A. Empty!

Q. Why did the book go to the hospital?
A. 'Cause it hurt its spine.

Q. What is it called when someone has been suffocated by a book?
A. Murder, literally.

Did you hear about the man who got cooled down to absolute zero? He's OK now...

Q. Who did not write the book, Cousin Hurricane?
A. Ty F. Une.

Q. What did a conservative biologist say?
A. The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Q. What happened when scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person's stride?
A. The results were staggering.

Q. What do you call a physically enhancing drug that originated in outer space?
A. Asteroids.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

Q. Why did the 30-60-90 degree triangle marry the 45-45-90 degree triangle?
A. Because they were right for each other.

Q. What do you get if you cross a math teacher and a tree?
A. Arithme-sticks.

Q. Which tool might you need in math class?
A. Multi-pliers.

Q. How many cover blurb writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. A vast and teeming horde stretching from sea to shining sea!

Q. How do poets say Hello?
A. Hey, haven't we metaphor?

Q. Which hand is it better to write with?
A. Neither. It's best to write with a pen.

Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Nevermind. It's tear-able.

I just saw my math teacher with some graph paper. I think he may be plotting something...

Q. Why is it so dangerous to do math in the jungle?
A. 'Cause when you add 4 and 4, you get ate!

Q. Which snakes are the best at math?
A. Adders.

Q. Why do plants hate math?
A. Because it gives them square roots.

Q. Why was the new book about teleportation a best seller?
A. 'Cause it's bound to get you somewhere.

Q. What happened when the guy started reading a book about designing crop circles in corn mazes?
A. He got lost in it.

Q. Why didn't the kid try to check out The Cat In The Hat from the school library?
A. 'Cause he didn't think Dr. Seuss made house calls.

Today's Point to Ponder: It's great to be Awesome! So, why is it bad to be Awful?

Q. Why didn't the nose want to go to school today?
A. It was tired of being picked on.

Cheesy Writing Point to Ponder: If you put a cheddar cheese stick in a pencil sharpener, would it come out sharp or shredded?

Q. What does a mathematician with constipation do?
A. He works it out with a pencil.

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