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Q. Where
did the archaeologist
find the
rare bones?

A. In a foss hill.

I used to be a road digger, but I got retrenched.

Q. What did
the mummy
study
at school?

A.
Cryptography.


 

 


Archaeology Jokes, Artifact LOLs, Dinosaur Puns
Uncover petrified bone puns, Egyptologist humor, dig site laughs, ancient grins and Jurassic jokes.

Paleontology Jokes and Archaeologist Humor
(Because Dinosaur Jokes, Caveman Humor, and Mummy Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream At the Museum!)
Warning: Dig with Caution! Cave jokes, mummy humor, ancient ruin laughs, and cryptic tomb puns ahead.
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Q. How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb? A. Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is!
 
Scary Pick-Up Line: Hey Gnirl, I Dig You!
 
Q. What did cavemen give their mates on Valentine's Day? A. Uggs and Kisses!

Q. What does an archaeologist call a really old joke?
A. Pre-hysterical!

Q. Why did the archaeologist have to declare bankruptcy?
A. Because his career was in ruins.

Q. Why are archeaologists the ultimate hipsters?
A. They really dig all that underground stuff.

Q. Why does an archeaologist make the best husband?
A. 'Cause the older the wife gets, the more interested he is in her.

Today's Fact You'll Dig: Aside from criminology, archeaology has the highest body count.

Q. What do archeaologists call a party held after unearthing a rare leg bone?
A. A shindig.

Q. Why did the archeaologist's wife file for divorce?
A. 'Cause he was carbon dating on the side.

Q. Why did the robotics scientist and geneticist refuse to hang out with the archaeologist?
A. 'Cause he ascribes to Ancient Alien Theory.

Q. How is an archeaologist like a wife?
A. They always dig up useless sh*t from the past

Archaeologist Pick Up Line: Hey there, are you a fossil? 'Cause I'd like to date you.

Q. What do anthropologists call caveman fart?
A. A blast from the past.

Q. What do anthropologists call caveman that traveled around in circles?
A. Meanderthals.

Q. Why shouldn't you call an anthropologist a caveman?
A. 'Cause that's a low brow thing to do.

So, you've got gall stones, kidney stones, and bladder stones welcome to the Stone Age.

Q. What do you get when you cross an owl with a Neanderthal?
A. A Hoo-man.

Dead Riddle: What kind of flowers do you give to King Tut? Chrysanthemummies.
 

Q. Why was
the poor
Egyptologist
crying?

A. 'Cause he
lost all of
his mummy.

 
Happy Tombs Day!

Q. What do Egyptian archaeologisst do when they get a back ache?
A. They see a Cairo-practor.

Q. Why were the two flatulent Egyptian archeaologists such good friends?
A. That had loud toots-in-common.

Q. How do you use a pyramid's doorbell?
A. Just toot-and-come-in!

Q. What do archeaologists call an ancient Egyptian mechanic?
A. Toot and Car Man!

Egyptology Professor: Why didn't Cleopatra need a psychiatrist?
Studen: 'Cause she was the queen of de-Nile.

Archeaologist: I just discovered another tomb in Egypt.
Coworker: Are you sur?
Archeaologist: No bones about it.

Q. Why was the Egyptian archaeologist sent to prison?
A. He ran a pyramid scheme.

Q. Which gasoline brand do Egyptologists prefer?
A. Sar Car Fo Gas.

Q. How did the mummy know it was time to retire?
A. He saw the writing on the wall.

Pyramid hieroglyph recently decoded:
Satisfaction guaranteed, or double your mummy back.

Q. What did the archeaologist get when he mixed up the remains of a yellow mummy and a green mummy?
A. A golden moldy!

Q. Why wasn't the archeaologist interested in girls?
A. 'Cause he had a mummy complex.

Q. What do archeaologists call a 5-star pyramid?
A. A tomb with a view.

Q. What did the mummy say when the archeaologist farted?
A. "What Sphinx in Here?"

Q. What kind of underwear does an Egyptian archeaologist wear?
A. Fruit of the Tomb!

Q. Where did the Egyptian archeaologist drink his espresso?
A. At the Sar-Coffee-Gus.

Q. What is it called when an Egyptologist drinks a little Kahlua inside a newly excavated pyramid?
A. A shot in the dark.

Q. Why did the Egyptian orphan become an archeaologist?
A. To search for a mummy.

Q. Who was
the most
famous Jewish
arceaologist?

A. Torah
the Explorer.

 
Q. What do you call wood when it's scared? A. Petrified!
 

Q. Which art
style do
archeaologists
enjoy most?

A. Post-
Impression
ist.

Q. How is working in a hamburger joint like being an archeaologist in Athens?
A. At the end of the day, you end up smelling like ancient grease.

Q. What did the Pompei hipster say to the archeaologist?
A. I was into volcanic ash before it was cool.

Archeaology Student: Roman cement was stronger than modern cement is.
Professor: Perhaps, but we need concrete evidence.

Q. How did the unfortunate archeaologist killed while excavating at Giza?
A. A-sphinx-iation.

Q. Why do women make the best archeaologists?
A. 'Cause they're constantly digging up everything that happened in the past.

Q. Why did the archeaologist ask a diamond out for diiner?
A. 'Cause he was into carbon dating.

Q. Why was the archeaologist napping on the job?
A. Apparently he was stoned.

Q. Why did the pirate become an aRRcheaologist?
A. He enjoyed hunting for skulls and crossed bones.

Q. How can you tell you have a crush on an archeaologist?
A. You really dig them!

Q. Which archaeologist wrote the book, Ancient Cave Paintings In The American Southwest?
A. Pedro Gliffs.

Q. What was the origin of the oldest phallic sculpture ever unearthed?
A. Archeaologists in China say it was from the Dong Dynasty.

Q. How do archeaologists meet that special someone?
A. Carbon dating.

Q. How do you thoroughly gross out an archeaologist?
A. Hand him a used tampon and ask him what period it's from. EW!

Q. What did the lady archeaologist say to her husband?
A. I have a bone to pick with you.

Q. Why did the guy divorce his archeaologist wife?
A. 'Cause she was always digging up stuff from the past.

Q. What do you get if you cross a dinosaur and a pig? A. Jurassic Pork!
 

Q. Why should
you never
mess with a
paleontologist?

A. You'll get
Jurass kicked.

 
Flying Dinosaur Says: Wow, it's fly day!

Q. What do Colorado paleontologists call it when a truck full of dinosaur bones has a wreck on the way to Denver's Natural History Museum?
A. A Jurassic Jam!

Q. What do you call a paleontologist who never gets anything done?
A. Lazy bones.

Paleontologist Chat Up Line: Hey there, are you a a pile of dinosaur bones? 'Cause I dig you.

Q. Which dinosaur is the ancestor of modern pigs?
A. Porkasaurus-Rex

Q. What did paleontologists name the the newly discovered dinosaur species that smashed everything in its path?
A. Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

Prehistoric Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, are you a paleontologist? 'Cause I've got a big bone in my pocket I'd like you to study.

Paleontologist Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, wanna bone?

Q. Why did the paleontologist and cryologist refuse to hang out with the biologist?
A. 'Cause that hipster was too current.

Q. Why did the physicist and biologist refuse to hang out with the paleontologist?
A. 'Cause he had bad bones.

Q. What happened when the paleontologist tripped and fell down the stairs?
A. He ended up with an ankle-saurus.

Q. What do gold diggers and paleontologists have in common?
A. Both date dinosaurs.

Paleontology Professor: Which dinosaur slept all day?
Student: The dino-snore-us.

Q. Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory?
A. 'Cause they were plant eaters.

Q. What do you call an old dinosaur newly elected to congress?
A. Rep Tile.

Q. What happens when old anthropologists die?
A. They become another piece of history. o3

Q. What did paleontologists say when the fossilized egg they discovered blew up?
A. Dino-mite!

Q. How did a dinosaur feel after he was reassemblled at the museum – and then woke up?
A. Puzzled.

Q. Why are paleontologist angry all the time?
A. They always have a bone to pick.

Q. What did scientists name the newly discovered dinosaur that is thought to have been highly intelligent?
A. Thesauraus.

Q. Why didn't the relationship between the paleontologist and the biologist work out?
A. They realized there was no chemistry.

Student: I heard there was a dinosaur that left turd trails to navigate back out of the jungle.
Paleontologist: That's poop-postoraus.

Pick Up a Paleontologist Line: Hey Rex, is that a dino bone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

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