Q. What do you call NASA engineers when they're loud and rowdy?
A. Raucous scientists.

Q. Why does it cost big bucks to design, engineer, test and get a new rocket off the ground?
A. Because there is no free launch.

Q. What happened when a new social group for rocket scientists was created?
A. It really took off.

Q. Why aren't engineers ever invited to Lockheed Martin company pool parties?
A. Because they're required to report any shrinkage.

Q. How can you tell a guy is an engineer?
A. He thinks the real heroes of Apollo 13 were the guys back at Mission Control.

Q. How can you tell if somebody is an engineer?
A. They don't think these painful engineering jokes are funny at all.

Q. How can you tell you're an engineer?
A. You've tried to make a phaser using a garage door opener modified to hold a lithium battery.

Q. Why is it difficult to watch a sci-fi movie with an engineer?
A. 'Cause they always fast-forward looking for technical inaccuracies.

Q. Why do engineers make lousy lovers?
A. 'Cause they think cuddling is an unproductive application of heat exchange.

If you're an optimist, the glass is half full. If you're a pessimist, the glass is half empty. If you're an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Engineers like to solve problems, but if there are no problems to solve they'll just create their own.

Engineer: How many switches does it take to turn on a light bulb?
Project Manager: One good dominatrix ought to do the trick.

Q. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
A. Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Q. What do nuclear engineers stationed at the South Pole fear most?
A. A Meltdown.

Nuclear Engineering Fact of the Day: Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called rain.

Q. What do elfin engineers fear most at the North Pole when Santa is roasting chestnuts?
A. A nut-lear meltdown.

Q. What's the differenve between a mechanical engineer and a chemical engineer?
A. Mechanical engineers build weapons, and chemical engineers build targets that expoide really well.

Electrifying Engineer Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, your body has the nicest arc I've ever seen.

Q. How do you drive an engineer crazy?
A. Make them watch you incorrectly fold up a road map.

Q. What happened when engineers examined the wall in the new gold mine?
A. the confirmed it was lode bearing.

Q. What do mining engineers call it when a group of miners all fart at the same time?
A. An excess stench hole crisis.

Q. What in an engineer?
A. Somebody who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

You might be an engineer if you've used duct tape and coat hangers for something other than taping ducts and hanging clothes.

Engineeried Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, engineers can do it on impulse.

Q. How do engineers describe the new solar-powered car company with their factory in a cave?
A. A wheely bat idea.

Q. Why was Karl Benz able to help pioneer the internal-combustion motor?
A. Due to his engine-new-ity.

Q. How do you know you're an astute engineer?
A. You think people around you are always yawning because they didn't get enough sleep.

Q. How can you tell you're married to an engineer?
A. He owns more toys than your kids do.

Q. Why do engineers look forward to Christmas?
A. Because they get to assemble all of their kids' toys.

Q. How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They always work in the dark.

Q. Which pharmaceutical opiate drug is preferred by software engineers?
A. Codeine.

Q. How are engineers different from regular people?
A. Most people believe tge adage, "If it ain't broken, don't fix it." Engineers live by the motto, "If it ain't broken, add more features."

Q. How can you tell you're married to an engineer?
A. You have no idea what he does at work all day, or for the past twenty years.

Q. What is the difference between cowboy boots and engineer boots?
A. Cowboy boots have the bull crap on the outside.

Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He finally managed to work it out with a pencil. Turns out it was a natural log.

Old architects never die. They just lose their structure.

Q. How can you tell you son in college is an engineering student?
A. He thinks Spring Break is metal fatigue failure.

Q. How do you know you're an engineer?
A. You enjoy destroying things just to see how they work.

Q. How can you tiell if a guy is an engineer?
A. He stilll owns a slide rule and he knows how to use it.

Q. How can you tell the guy you're talking to is an engineer?
A. He is never wrong.

Q. How many robot engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. He designs a bot that can climb up the wall, unscrew the old bulb, and screw itself in. (Sorry, we don't know what happens to the old bulb!)

Q. How can you tell you're dating an engineer?
A. His IQ is higher than his weight.

Q. What is the difference between doctors and engineers?
A. Doctors kill people one at a time.

Q. How is arguing with an engineer like mud wrestling a pig?
A. After a while, you'll realize he's injoying it.

Q. What is an engineer's favorite power-saving feature?
A. The on/off switch.

Q. Which kind of snake do aerospace engineers keep as a pet?
A. Boeing constructor.

Q. Why did Howard Hughes build the Spruce Goose out of wood?
A. So he could board the plane.

Q. What did the shocked electrical engineer say?
A. That hertz!

Q. What is a fitting birthday gift for an electrical engineer?
A. Shorts.

Engineering Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, electrical engineers do it with less energy and greater efficiency.

Engineering Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, electrical engineers do it with more frequency and less resistance.

Q. What does it take for engineers to build a submarine that can reach the lowest points in the ocean?
A. Deep pockets.

Q. How are a chemical engineers and chemists different?
A. Chemical engineers are paid well for what chemists do for fun.

Engineering Hookup Line: Are you a chemical engineer? 'Cause I'd like to take you to my lab to form a covalent bond.

Q. Which color is the favorite of wind turbine engineers?
A. Blew.

Q. Who were the world's first civil engineers?
A. Homo Erectus.

Engineering Pick-Up Line: Hey there, are you an engineer? 'Cause I'd like to convert our potential energy into kinetic energy.

Q. What is a great birthday gift for an engineering student?
A. A matching set of screw drivers.

Q. How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?
A. That depends on the speed of change and the mass of the bulb...

So, Thomas Edison walks ino a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says, "Okay, I'll serve you, but just don't get any ideas."

Q. Which superhero is the favorite of engineers?
A. Dilbert.

Q. How can you tell if a guy is an engineer?
A. There are several white short-sleeved dress shirts in his closet.

Q. Why do engineers have to wear name badges?
A. So they don't forget who they are.

Pick-Up an Engineer Line: Hey big guy, I hear mechanical engineers do it with stress and strain.

Q. What are flip-flops with Hot Wheels toy cars glued to the bottoms?
A. Makeshift roller skates. (That kid will likely grow up to be an engineer.)

Q. How do you drive an engineer absolutely nuts?
A. Make them watch you incorrectly replace a light bulb without reading the instruction manual.

Q. How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A. We don't know. Engineers say they never get passed the feasibility study.

Q. How many safety inspectors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four. One to screw in the bulb, and three to hold the ladder, for safety purposes.

Engineering a Hook Up Line: Hey girl, engineers do it with precision.

Q. Which comic strip is an enginer's favorite?
A. Dilbert. (Not a joke!)

Q. Why do engineers get Halloween and Christmas confused?
A. Because 31OCT = 25DEC.

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