Q. Why did the computer spy quit?
A. He just couldn't hack it anymore.

PC Factoid: Computers allow you to make mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the exception of defective condoms.

Q. Do tech nerds like computer science puns?
A. Not one byte!

Q. What do you call a computer superhero?
A. A screen saver!

Q. Why did the computer programmer love his new pillow?
A. 'Cause it was down-loaded.

Tech Tip of the Day: Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Q. Why do some tech nerds wish dicks were like technology?
A. Just so they could brag about how small theirs is.

An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables, so it asks "Can I join you?"

Q. Why did the computer cross the road?
A. To get a byte to eat!

Q. Why do computer programmers eat so many carrots?
A. 'Cause carrots help them C better.

Programming Bug of the Day: I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

The programming code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.

Q. What's the best way to ease into computer programming?
A. Bit byte bit.

Q. Which command causes sailors to start using their computers and smart phones?
A. All hands on tech!

Q. Why didn't the client tip the server?
A. Because it didn't have enough cache.

Q. Where do computers go to dance?
A. To the disco. They really like techno music!

Q. What do you call a computer hacker who prevents the test version of software from getting distributed?
A. A beta blocker.

Micro Technology Tidbit of the Day: Tech that allows you to see through walls already exists. It's called Windows.

Q. Why does your cat want to use the computer?
A. 'Cause he wants to get his paws on the mouse.

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.

Q. How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?
A. With a kill-o-byte.

Q. What do nerds call a computer geek who loves to work during a November holiday?
A. A Thanksgiving techie.

Programmer Wisdom of the Day: If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.

Q. What did the computer programmer wear glasses?
A. To improve his website!

Q. Why was the computer late to work again today?
A. It had a hard drive.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant and a computer?
A. Lots and lots of memory.

Q. What do a computer and a cookie have in common?
A. They both have chips.

Today's Computer Programming Tip: In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.

Q. What does your computer when you're out to lunch?
A. It has a byte or two.

Q. How much storage does a skeleton have in his laptop?
A. One Terror-Byte!

Q. Why did the computer programmer resign from his position?
A. Too many work arounds.

Q. Why did that sloppy witch in tech support always get her incantations wrong?
A. She forgot to use spell-check.

Q. Why won't elephants ever use the computer?
A. 'Cause they're afraid of the mouse.

My attitude isn't baaad. It's in beta.

Q. Why is it so hard for computer programmers to get a prescription for pain killers?
A. Because they have a history of codeine.

Q. How are Internet videos like boobs?
A. Nobody really cares if they're fake.

Q. What do you call an Internet page devoted to anime?
A. A weeb site.

Q. How did the farmer with a bad Internet connection do to solve the issue?
A. He moved the modem to the barn so he'd have stable WiFi.

Q. How can you tell a blonde has been using your computer?
A. There's still a piece of cheese in front of the mouse.

Q. What do computers like as a quick snack?
A. Microchips.

Q. Why did the plastic surgeon apply for a programmer position?
A. Because he heard they needed back end development.

Q. How is the Internet like a racecar crash?
A. There are spoilers everywhere.

The truth is out there. Surely somebody at Twitter has the URL!

Programmed Laugh of the Day: An SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.

Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 4 grandchildren will be getting a visit from Satan this Xmas.

Q. Why are computer programmers so good at writing poetry?
A. Because everything rhymes in binary.

Q. How did the computer network buy web presence?
A. They all chipped in.

Q. How do you find a black widow on line?
A. Check out her web site.

High Tech Pick-Up Line: Do you like computers and do you like file sharing? Good, 'cause I'm downloadable and user friendly!

Q. Which laptop computer feature do spiders like best?
A. The webcam!

Q. What did the tech guy call his last teched-out girlfriend?
A. His iPhone Ex.

Q. What do you call it when a lumberjack signs onto the Internet?
A. Logging in.

Q. What is every Star Wars fan's favorite classic video game?
A. Space inVaders.

Q. What do you call the guy who sorts out all the confusing info at Twitter gathered on recon missions?
A. An intel processor.

Q. What do you call a doctor who claims he'll never share your personal information, but does anyway?
A. A HIPAAcrit.

Student: My dog ate my computer science project.
Teacher: You're telling me your dog ate your coding work?
Student: Yes, and it only took him a few bytes.

Q. What does the term E-sharp mean to a smart gadget fanatic?
A. Tech savvy.

Q. How do you get a computer drunk?
A. Show it screen shots of tequilla!

Q. Which pharmaceutical opiate drug is preferred by software engineers?
A. Codeine.

Tech Point to Ponder: Maybe if we told everybody that the brain is an app, they'd all start using it?

Q. Which tech device does God use to communicate with Millennials?
A. A tablet, but not an Apple!

Q. What do you get if you cross a computer program and a ballerina?
A. The Nutcracker Suite.

Q. What does the tech guy in the IT department call a drive-in server?
A. A car hop.

Q. Why do programmers call it hyper text?
A. Too much JAVA.

Q. What is the difference between tech support and an armed mass murderer?
A. One specializes in trouble-shooting, and the other is a troubled shooter.

Q. Why can't computers be gay?
A. 'Cause they're all binary!

Q. Which tech device does Super Mario use to communicate with the dead?
A. Lou-ouija board.

Q. What do they call the high tech device used to measure how gullible a person is?
A. GulliBULLometer.

Q. Which was the first professional to go all digital?
A. Proctologist!

Q. What does Yoda do when his iTunes won't respond?
A. Force Quit Siri, he does.

Q. Which three programming languages are used by Star Wars programmers?
A. JabbaScript, JawaScript, and StarWord.

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