Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it all.   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What do you call a donkey on steroids? A. An ass-teroid!

 


Fitness Jokes, Diet Puns, Pumped Up Humor
Get a funny bone workout with gym jokes, fitness humor, plump puns and ripped roaring laughs.

Workout Humor, Diet Jokes, Fitness Puns
(Because Our "Laugh Your Way to Fit" Approach is NOT Mainstream Enough for Overweight Sour Pusses)
Warning: Try to Keep a Straight Face When You Ask Your Doctor About the "Laughing Out Loud Diet!"
| Fitness Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Dieting Jokes | 2 | Salad Jokes | Tasty Puns |
| Sports Jokes | Gym Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Running Jokes | Fitting Football Jokes |

Diet Joke: Q. When should you go on a cheese diet? A. When you need to cheddar few pounds.Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 17,500 times!Diet Joke: Becoming a Vegetarian is a Big Missed Steak.

Q. What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?
A. A desserter.

Fitness Failure: I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.

Fun Fitness Fact: Did you know eating oysters can increase your mussel mass?

Gym pick-up line: Hey girl, I know of a fun aerobic exercise that can burn 500 calories an hour...

Q. What do crazed vegan zombies eat?
A. GgggRrrAaaaIiiiNNnnSss!

Some diets cause a gut reaction.

Sign outside a steak house restaurant: Eat Here Diet Home

There's a new machine at my gy. Only used it for an hour and I started to feel sick. It's good though. It does everything: Kitkats, Snickers, Mar Bars, Doritos...A Successful Diet Is: The Triumph of Mind Over Platter.McCoy Says: Yes, Klingons do work out at the He's Dead Gym!

Fitness Point to Ponder: Why don't some people exercise their mind as much as they exercise their body?

Workout Wisecrack: I would tell you a gym joke, but you'll have to weight for it...

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Gluten, putting the die back into diet.

The fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears, but now he's only eating foods with sorghums.

Q. Why did the gym named James shut down?
A. It just didn't work out.

Wise Workout Tip: Before every workout, always warm up with at least 10 reps of selfies to both Facebook and Twitter.

Diet Pun: A Lot of Dieting Is Wishful ShrinkingGym Joke: My struggle with steroids has only made me stronger!They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn't eat it because it was full of carbs.

Unhealthy: What thin people call you when you are fat, and fat people call you when you are thin...

Dieting Point to Ponder: Can a successful dieter win the Nobelly Prize?

Man at the Gym: I want to impress a girl. Which machine should I use?
Trainer: Try the ATM outside.

Gym pick-up line: You must be a track star because you've been running through my mind all day!

Q. Why should you go to the paint store if you are on a diet?
A. You can get thinner there.

Did you hear about the new movie about the Atkins Diet? It's called, "Dude, Where's My Carbs."

Q. Why do hamburgers go to the gym? A. To get better buns!Hulk Asks: What do you call the heavy breathing someone makes while trying to hold a yoga pose? A. Yoga Pants!Gym Pick-Up Line: Is your body from McDonald's? 'Cause I'm Lovin' It!

Beefy gym pick-up line: Hey girl, let's do lunge!

Pumped up pick-up line: Girl, I followed my heart, and it led me to the gym.

Gym pick-up line: Did you get those yoga pants on sale? 'Cause at my place, they're 100% off!

Q. What condition do you have if you're sick of going to your workout venue?
A. Gym Nausea-m.

Q. Why did the bodybuilder go to the hospital?
A. Somebody told him he was cut!

Helen was so fit that she didn't even like it when she gained one Troy ounce...

| Fitness Humor | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Dieting Jokes | 2 | Salad Jokes | Tasty Puns |
| Sports Jokes | Gym Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | Running Jokes | Fitting Football Jokes |

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