Golf Ball Says: Happy Fore Day! - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Business at the driving range was in full swing! Driver's Ed is brutal!
Hulk Says: Saturday is the time for multi-slacking, not multi-tasking!
Q. What do you call rude Canada geese in a Colorado park? A. @#$%^&*! And, Coloradans are pretty polite.
Happy Sigh Day!

Q. What do you call it when high winds ruin your outdoor event? A. Uninvited gusts!
Happy Curse Day!
Hulk Says: Happy? Mad Day!


Golf Jokes, Greens Humor, Funny Golfer Puns
Putter along with diveting golf pro puns, up to par golf course humor, and swinging duff jokes.

Golfing Jokes, Putt Puns, Golf Ball Humor
(Because Swinging Puns and Hole-In-One Humor Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for Ace Golfers or Geese with Game!)
Warning: Fore! Proceed With Caution! Swinging humor, putter-ful puns, duffer laughs and crazy drivers ahead.
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Golf ball says: If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt!Q. Why did the pirate give up the game of golf? A. He kept hooking the ball!Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of shoes? A. in case he gets a hole in one!

Q. Why did the guy who stinks at golf still play every weekend?
A. To bug his wife; she thinks he's out having fun.

Green Point to Ponder: Why are there so many golf jokes, considering golfers aren't laughing most of the time?

Q. What's the difference between driving in golf and driving a car?
A. When you're driving a car, you don't want to hit anything.

Q. What does Yoda say to Luke when he's on the first tee?
A. May the course be with you.

Q. What is it called when you play golf with superheroes?
A. A Fantastic Four-some.

Q. What did the golfer do on his day off?
A. Putter around!

Q. Which type of shirts do golfers prefer?
A. Tees.

Q. Why did the old professional golfer decide to retire?
A. He just wanted to putter around at home.

Q. Why did the big ape spend so much time on the golf course?
A. He was perfecting his swing.

Golfer Mishap: I was playing golf and hit two of my best balls. Dang it, I stepped on a rake!

Q. What did one golf ball say to the other?
A. See you round!

Q. How can you tell it's too wet on the course to play golf?
A. Your golf cart capsizes.

Q. Why is the game called Golf?
A. Because all the other four-letter words are taken.

Golf Fun Fact of the Day: It's not the size of your putter that matters, it's how many strokes you take!

Q. Why don't golfers eat cake?
A. Because they try to avoid the slice.

Q. What happened after the guy got two holes in one in a row?
A. The golfers were stunned at the course of events.

Q. How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?

Q. What did the golfer's wife complain about on the course?
A. She claimed golf was driving a wedge between them.

Q. Where do zombies tee off?
A. At the golf corpse.

Q. What do young golfers get in their Christmas stockings?
A. Silly Putty.

Golfer: You must be the worst caddie in the world.
Caddie: No sir, I don't think so. That would be too much of a coincidence.

Q. How is playing golf on Sunday a pius activity?
A. 'Cause you spend more time praying on the golf course than you would have at church.

Q. What did the artist have to do to complete the painting of the golf course's thicket?
A. She had to take brush strokes.

Business at the new driving range was in full swing!Trying to putt with so many geese on the green is for the birds! and that's putting it mildly!When each player hit onto the next fairway, the golfers were four for fore!

Q. What does a dedicated golfer's diet consist of?
A. Living on the greens as much as possible.

Q. What is a handicapped golfer?
A. A guy who plays with his boss.

Q. What is scratch golf?
A. When you hit the ball and scratch your head wondering where it went.

Q. How do pro golfers stay so cool?
A. They stand next to their fans.

Q. What is the proper attire for a recreational golfer?
A. A Tee-shirt.

Q. What's the difference between a pro golfer and everybody else?
A. Everyone else retires to play golf.

Q. Why was the computer so good at the game of golf?
A. Because it had a hard drive!

Q. Which drink is specially formulated to help golfers make close, easy shots on the green?
A. Putter milk.

Q. What was the impolite golfer's problem?
A. He was not addressing the ball properly.

Q. Why did the photographer take up the game of golf?
A. He wanted to take a shot at it.

Q. Where do high society golfers go on a date?
A. To the Golf Ball.

Q. Why do golfers have to keep buying more golf balls?
A. 'Cause golf balls can't swim.

Golf Course Grin of the Day: A bad day playing golf is still better than a great day a work!

Q. What ultimately makes a great golfer?
A. A driving ambition.

Q. What do golf and sex have in common?
A. Both are things you can enjoy even if you're bad at them.

Great Green Beyond Fact of the Day: Old golfers never die. They just keep putting along.

Q. Why do golfers hate the game Hearts?
A. Because all they ever get are Clubs!

Q. How are golf balls like eggs?
A. They're white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.

Q. Why did the monkey decide to take up golf?
A. He wanted to take a swing at it.

Q. How did the moon get all those new craters?
A. Chuck Norris has been playing golf again.

Green Fact of the Day: Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, yet the golfer lies well.

Q. Why did they kick Tarzan off the golf course?
A. 'Cause he screamed with every swing!

Golfer: How do you like my game?
Caddie: Honestly sir, I like the game of golf better.

Q. Why was the golfer finally able to reach the par 5 in two shots?
A. 'Cause she longed to do it.

Q How good was the pirate's golf game? A. Parrr!Q. What did the dentist say to the golfer? A. You have a hole in one!You might be from Colorado if you don't drink and drive.

A golfer was standing ot the tee overlooking a river and see two fishermen out there. He turns to his golf buddy and says, "Look at those two morons fishing in the rain."

Q. Why didn't the skeleton like to play golf?
A. His heart was not in it.

Golfing Point to Ponder: Is golf just another four-letter word to a crappy golfer?

Q. What does it mean when your golf partner can't remember if he shot a five or a six?
A. Likely, he shot a seven.

Q. Why do college basketball players get so excited when the make it to the last hole in golf?
A. 'Cause they love the final fore!

Q. Why did the guys arrive early at the golf course?
A. To use the practice green and just putter around.

Q. What is the extra charge for the side salad at the golf course clubhouse?
A. A greens fee.

Q. Which bruin always shoots one over par on every round of golf?
A. Bogey Bear.

Q. Where can you find 25 doctors on any given day?
A. At the golf course.

Q. Why did the golfer quit his CPA job after 25 years to become a caddy?
A. He knew if he had a heart attack, there'd be plenty of doctors around.

Sports Point to Ponder: Low wage workers play basketball, tradesmen go bowling, middle managers play softball, and CEOs play golf. So, does that mean the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get?

Q. Why shouldn't you golf in the jungle?
A. There are too many cheetahs there.

Q. Why did the youngster bring the alphabet with him during his golf lessons?
A. To make sure he had a T.

There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray.
– Lee Trevino

Q. Why did the golfer decide it was time to retire?
A. He lost his drive.

Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the greens fees. – Bob Hope

Q. How many golfers carpool together to the club?

Q. What's the difference between a bad skydiver and a bad golfer?
A. A bad golfer says, "WHACK...Damn." A bad skydiver says, "Damn it... WHACK!"

Q. Why don't English golfers work during the afternoon?
A. Because it would interrupt their tee time.

Q. What does G.O.L.F. mean to your grandfather?
A. Getting Old and Living Fine.

Q. Why is bowling an easier game than golf?
A. 'Cause it's really hard to lose a bowling ball.

Q. What is a golfer's favorite letter?
A. Tee.

Q. Did the big golf tournament start on time?
A. Yes, and now it's in full swing.

Q. Why do crappy golfers prefer Star Trek Voyager?
A. Because it's always way off course, too.

Tweet Birdies: Gloating on social media after a good round of golfQ. What kind of socks do pirates wear? A. Arrrgyles!Q. What do you call it when a strong storm hits the coast of Maine? A. Augusta wind!

Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and the G Spot?
A. A man will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Q. What do golfers always carry a spare pair of socks?
A. In case they get a hole in one.

Q. Where did the duffer like to go for a vacation?
A. The Golf of Mexico.

Q. What is the worst thing a golfer can hear on the golf course?
A. It's still your turn.

Golf Bag Laugh of the Day: The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bagpipes and called that music.

Q. How do you know you've got a great golfing partner?
A. He's always a little bit worse than you are.

Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play golf on Sunday?
Caddie: Sir, the way you play, it's a sin any day of the week.

Q. What happened after the golfer do after he caught his opponent cheating?
A. He had a score to settle.

Greens Point to Ponder: If two people are planning a conspiracy while playing golf, are they on a collusion course?

Q. What do golfers do when they want to use the driving range?
A. They swing by the course.

Q. Which kind of dinosaurs invented the game of golf?
A. Tee -Rex.

Old golfers never die, they just lose their drive.

Q. Why do cavemen enjoy the game of golf?
A. Because they're great at using clubs.

Q. What's the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
A. When a golfer lies, he doesn't have to bring anything home for proof.

Golfing Tip of the Day: The best wood in most amatuer golfer's bags is the pencil.

Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played.
Caddie: Sir, we left the golf course over an hour ago.

Looper Laugh of the Day: Golf is a lot like taxes. You go for the green and wind up in the hole.

Golfer: Is that guy over there a bad golfer?
Caddie: Yes, that's a fore-gone conclusion.

Q. What do you call competitors lined up on a rocky beach that are holding hands?
A. Pebble Beach Golf Links.

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
– Lee Trevino

Q. Which golfer can jump higher than the flag?
A. All of them. Flags can't jump!

Q. In the early days of golf, what were the flags made of?
A. Course material.

Q. Why couldn't Tiger Woods listen to music?
A. 'Cause he broke all the records!

Q. What did dinosaurs use to power their golf carts?
A. Fossil fuels.

Q. What should you do if your golf game is interrupted by lightning?
A. Walk around and hold your 1-iron above your head, because even Mother Nature can't hit a 1-iron.

Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. That's very distracting.
Caddie: Sir, it's not a watch; it's a compass.

Q. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course?
A. 'Cause that's how long it takes a Scotsman to finish a bottle of whiskey!

Golfer: I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake.
Caddie: Do you think you can hold your head down that long?

Greens Point to Ponder: Why is it so easy to wake up at 6:00 A.M. to play golf on Saturday morning than to wake up at 10"00 A.M. to mow the lawn?

Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
Caddie: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.

Q. How does a gnome measure a miniature golf course?
A. In par secs.

Whoa, did you hear about the golfer who was shot at the border? Yes, they said it was a hole in Juan.

Q. What is a garden gnome's favorite sport?
A. Miniature golf.

Q. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course?
A. He was perfecting his swing

Q. Which kind of tiny golf course rental do gnomes use?
A. A subcompact cart.

Old golfers never die, but they do lose their balls.

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