Q. How can you tell that a primo Colorado mountain lake has become very popular with tourists and local anglers?
A. Because the parking lot had fishing lines.

Q. How did the blonde hipster drown?
A. She ice skated on Evergreen Lake before it was cool.

Q. Why did the nerd go to Lake Dillon after being teased by the bully?
A. To fish for compliments.

Q. Why did Denver area social media comedians want a dam built on the South Platte River?
A. So there'd be a reservoir of jokes to stream and a field of puns to chat about.

Q. What is the best type of music for a fishing trip to Lake Dillon?
A. Anything with a catchy hook.

Q. What do residents of Ft. Collins, Colorado call a drug addict loon at Horsetooth Reservoir?
A. A quack head.

Q. How do you avoid getting swallowed by a river while white water rafting in Colorado?
A. Stay away from the river's mouth.

Q. Do old white water river rafting guides ever die?
A. No, they just go with the flow.

Q. How do tourists an CSU students feel about white water rafting on the Poudre River in Colorado?
A. They get carried away just thinking about it.

Q. Which white water rafting company in Colorado consistantly gets the most repeat visitors?
A. Echo Canyon.

Q. Where do purists go for the most pristine white water rafting?
A. White River near Carbondale, Colorado.

Q. What do Coloradans call a narrow connecting waterway in the mountains that's getting narrower every year?
A. A recessive strait.

Q. How did the Cache la Poudre River get its name?
A. Early explorers saw Sasquatch and Bigfoot tossing turds at each other across the banks.

Q. Why did the hipster leave his Aspen mansion by the Roaring Fork River?
A. It was too current.

Q. Why did the hipster tube down the High Line Canal south of Denver?
A. Because the South Platte River was too mainstream.

Q. Why did the hipster go swimming in the hot springs at Glenwood?
A. Because it was not cool yet.

Did you hear about the Colorado tourist who got cold while paddling up stream? He lit a fire in his boat, only to discover you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Q. What is it called when you believe everybody in Colorado who brags about discovering a new water-worn ravine?
A. Gully Bull.

Q. What do you call a vacation home on the best trout fishing stream in Colorado?
A. Reel estate.

Q. How did the fisherman know he finally found the perfect trout fishing spot along the South Platte River in South Park, Colorado?
A. He caught site of it.

Well dam it! Wouldn't you know there'd be a flood of river jokes at PainfulPuns? The creeky Colorado punch lines are no surprise, judging by the streaming laughter.

Q. Why did the blonde get cash out of the bank and then throw it into the South Platte River?
A. 'Cause she wanted to study cash flow. DUH!

Old Colorado trout fishermen never die. They just go up river.

Q. Why did the near-sighted guy fall into Idaho Springs?
A. Because he didn't see that well!

Q. What do Coloradans call a skinny dipper in the Highline Canal?
A. A gully washer.

Q. Where will you find the most female skinny dippers in Colorado?
A. Beaver Creek.

Q. What's the difference between skinny dipping and fat dipping?
A. One requires a swimming pool, and the other involves ranch dressing and deep-fried chicken nuggets.

Q. Why did a squirrel swim across the Blue River on his back?
A. He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

Go With the Flow Pick-Up Line: Whoa, I can't swim, Babe! Can I hold onto your floaties?

Q. Why didn't the quarter roll down the canyon walls into Clear Creek along with the nickel?
A. Because the quarter had more cents!

Q. Why did they stop doing the WAVE at the Denver Broncos Stadium?
A. Too many blonde fans were drowning.

A golfer was standing ot the tee overlooking a river and see two fishermen out there. He turns to his golf buddy and says, "Look at those two morons fishing in the rain."

Q. How do you make a fitting hat out of a canoe on a Colorado creek?
A. You flip it over, and voila! It's cap-sized.

Two blondes were out on opposite sides of the South Platte River near Deckers. The first blonde shouts, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The second blonde replies, "You are on the other side! DUH!"

Q. How do tired beach bums at Cherry Creek Reservoir clean up after a dip?
A. They just wash up on shore.

Q. Why couldn't the Colorado mountain hikers use the footbridge to cross Bear Creek
A. It had fallen arches.

Q. How do Denver veterinarians treat an alligator that has trouble swimming in the sewer?
A. With a medicine for e-reptile-dysfunction.

Q. How can you tell if you've seen an alligator or a crocodile in a Denver sewer?
A1. One you see later, and the other you see after a while.
A2. Or, it might just be Denver lawyer, Frank Azar (suer supreme).

Q. What do you call an alligator drug addict in the Denver sewers?
A. A crackodile.

Q. What do you call a widower banker who spends most of his time fly fishing in Clear Creek Canyon?
A. A loan-ly master-baiter.

Q. Why did the swimmer only do the backstroke at Chatfield Reservoir?
A. He just ate lunch and didn't want to swim on a full stomach.

Q. Why did the vegetarian quit the swim team at Littleon High School?
A. She didn't like all the meets!

Q. Why did the blonde toss her jar of mayonaise into the Colorado River on May 5?
A. 'Cause it was Cinco de Mayo. DUH!

Q. Why did the smart rainbow trout in The Roaring Fork River ignore the fisherman's fly?
A. He didn't want to be a fish out of water.

Q. What do Coloradans call the stage actors fly fishing along the Frying Pan River?
A. Cast members.

Q. Why did the banker jump into Sloans Lake?
A. He wanted to float a loan!

Q. What did Sherlock say when a toe brushed against him while swimming in Sloans Lake?
A. Something must be afoot.

Q. What is the most pristine and untouched waterway?
A. Plum Cree, Colorado.

Q. Why did that Vail area beaver go to jail?
A. He held up the dammed riverbank.

Q. Why don't river otters in Rocky Mountain National Park hold grudges?
A. That's just water under the bridge.

OUCH! I hit my head on a bridge while river rafting on vacation in Colorado. It would have been okay if viaduct!

Q. What do you call a spud on a small raft going down the Chutes on the South Platte River near Deckers, Colorado?
A. An inner tuber.

Q. What was the Colorado white water rafting guide's last word?
A. Waterfall!

Q. What do Coloradans say about tubing down the Chutes near Deckers?
A. What a rush!

Q. Why do janitor enjoy Clear Creek tubing jokes?
A. 'Cause they're good clean funny.

Old Colorado white water river rafters never die, they just go with the flow.

Q. How did the blonde save the man who was drowning in Lake Granby?
A. She tossed him a bar of soap, and he washed up on shore.

Q. Which swimming stroke are Rocky Mountian Bighorn Sheep really great at?
A. The baaackstroke.

Q. Where all can a 3-legged dog go swimming in Denver?
A. Just three feet below the surface.

Q. Where do Colorado rainbow trout go to practice yoga?
A. The river bend.

Great Indoors Groan of the Weekend: There's a new Colorado River movie out. It's streaming live.

Q. What did the Aspen angler stream online?
A. A rodcast.

Q. What's even worse than being up a creek without a paddle?
A. Being down Big Dry Creek without a puddle.

Q. Where do Colorado pirates go to have a few too many drinks at Cherry Creek Reservoir?
A. The Sand Bar.

Q. What do frogs wear on their feet at Cherry Creek Reservoir?
A. Open-toad shoes.

Q. What did the bartender say after the beaver walked into his South Platte River bar?
A. Please shut the dam door!

Q. Why are Colorado River tributaries so easy to get along with?
A. They always go with the flow.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever pee in Clear Creek near Golden, Colorado?
A. 'Cause that's where Coors is brewed.

Parasitic Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the guy who fell ill after drinking Plum Creek water outside his new cabin? His bro sent him a get well text saying, "Get well soon."

Q. Why did the lonely girl have so much trouble learning to swim at Goodson Rec Center?
A.'Cause she didn't have any boy-ancy.

Blonde Swimmer Duh of the Day: I could never date guys who swim in the kiddie pool at Goodson Rec Center, 'cause that's too shallow for me.

Colorado Sink or Swim Point to Ponder: If paddles could swim, wouldn't that be oar-swam?

Q. Which route do crazy horses take along the South Platte River near South Park, Colorado?
A. They take the Psychopath.

Q. Why shouldn't you listen to people who have just come out of Glenwood hot springs?
A. Because they're all wet.

Q. Why did the teacher jump Off the dam into Cherry Creek Reservoir?
A. She wanted to test the water!

Q. Why aren't accountants ever invited to Lockheed Martin company pool parties?
A. Because they're required to report any shrinkage.

Q. in Colorado, what do you get when you cross a river and a canal?
A. Wet!

Q. Why did the Colorado fisherman's dog jump into Hanging Lake?
A. He was chasing catfish.

Q. How much do Colorado bruins like fishy river jokes and dry creek bed puns?
A. Beary much.

Q. Why did an old guy eith cataracts from Kansas fall into Glenwood Springs?
A. Because he just couldn't see that well!

Q. How are women like Denver area rec center swimmimg pools?
A. Both cost a great deal to maintain, considering the amount of time you spend in them.

Q. Why do Ghostbusters stick together when they swim in Bear Creek?
A. 'Cause none of them wants to be across the stream.

Q. Which state does the Colorado River flow in?
A. Liquid.

Q. What did the guy at the Denver Water Board say when the creek overflowed its banks just outside town?
A. Dam it.

Q. What is a Lake Dillon fishing doc?
A. A heart surgeon on vacation in Summit County Colorado.

Q. Which extreme sports adventure author never finished writing the book, My Last White River Rafting Trip in Colorado?
A. Wyatt R. Fall.

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

Join us on social media and please feel free to share our memes with friends and family:

©2017-2021 Painfulpuns.com All rights reserved.