Q. What did the Colorado cattleman name his prize-winning steer?
A. Chuck.

Q. Why are steaks so happy at Denver barbeques?
A. They get to meet all their old flames.

Q. Why did the Colorado beef herd return to the cannabis field?
A. It was a classic case of the pot calling the cattle back. Plus, the steaks have never been higher!

Did you hear about the Colorado geologist? He took his wife for granite, so she left him.

Colorado Factoid: Getting to the top of the mountain is great fun, but it's all downhill from there.

Did you hear about the blonde camper who slept like a log? She woke up in the campfire...

Q. What is the hot new slogan of the Aurora Notel on E Colfax?
A. You've Rented the Room, Now Buy the Video!

Q. How did the pilot at Front Range Airport refer to the Mile High Club?
A. Touring the cockpit!

Q. Why wasn't the Colorado brew chemist convicted on hopped up charges?
A. The jury wasn't convinced beyond a shadow of a stout.

Q. What do you call a fantasy piece written by an author while at a Colorado brew pub?
A. An hoptical allusion.

A soccer ball walks into a Denver brew pub, but the beer tender kicked him out.

Q. Which craft beer does the Denver LGBTQ community embrace?
A. Malt-ernative Life Style Ale.

Q. Why do Goldfish crackers smile at Coloradans?
A. Because they're baked, too!

One Colorado pot plant to another: Hey Bud, are you hungry?
Second pot plant: Sure, I could use a light snack.

Colorado Stoner Munchies Pick-Up Line: Hey, wanna eat cookie dough together sometime?

Pothead: This food tastes kind of funny.
LoDo Waiter: Then why aren't you laughing?

Q. What is the official flower of I25 through Colorado?
A. The concrete cloverleaf columbine.

Q. What do you call a group of Colorado bruins that are cracking each other up?
A. A bear-all of laughs.

Q. What did the bartender say after the beaver walked into his S. Platte River bar?
A. Please shut the dam door!

Q. What do Colorado snowshoers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
A. Polaroids!

Q. Why don't Native Denverites drink Flat Tire beer?
A. Why tempt fate or dare the devil?

Denver Brew Pub Pick-Up Line: Girl, this isn't a beer belly, it's a fuel tank for my love machine.

Q. Which Colorado craft beer do van-driving retro guys in Morrison drink?
A. Brown Eyed Ale.

Colorado Craft Beer Point to Ponder: Why doesn't the Denver Post have more Hop-Ed pieces?

Q. Which Boulder craft beer is the most popular at CU?
A. Barley Legal Ale.

Q. What is it called if you drink tequila inside The Cave of The Winds?
A. A shot in the dark.

Q. If Dr. Seuss visited a Denver brew pub, which beer would he order?
A. Hop on Pop!

Q. Why did Mt. Everest Yetis visit Pike's Peak and then gamble in Cripple Creek, Colorado?
A. T-Bet on Bigfoot sightings.

Sasquatch Pick-Up Line: Hey Baby, you must be from my future in Colorado because you're turning me into Homo Erectus!

Q. Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike along the South Platte River near Deckers, Colorado?
A. In a big footlocker.

Q. What is the real reason the historic Pike's Peak Cog Railway was shut down?
A. It was too expensive to make up cover stories about all the Bigfoot sightings!

You might be a Colorado native if you can drive to South Park without using GPS or any alien assistance. You are definitely a Colorado native if you can get back to Denver via Woodland Park without using a map or GPS!

Local Colorado Gossip of the Day: Did you hear about the kidnapping on Pike's Peak? It's okay – he woke up!

Q. Why does the Denver TV weatherman prefer Colorado craft beer?
A. Because his head is in the cloud.

Q. How do Colorado Blue Spruces access the Internet?
A. They log in!

Q. Why aren't Bigfoots sighted in Georgetown, Colorado?
A. Too much competition with Big Horn Sheep.

Q. What condition did the gosling suffer from when the Colorado weather turned cold?
A. Goose bumps.

Q. How do you keep your feet warm during a Colorado snow storm?
A. Don't go out brrr-footed!

Q. Why did the Denver 16th Street Mall cop arrest the off-key street musician with no rhythm?
A. Because he was a beat cop.

Blonde: My son came here to Denver on his summer vacation.
Friend: Did you meet him at DIA?
Blonde: No, I've known him his whole life.

Q. Where can you get a scary good hair cut in Estes Park, Colorado?
A. At Hair's Johnny Salon in the Stanley Hotel.

Q. What do Estes Park residents call a hooker standing out on top of Trail Ridge road in January?
A. Hoar.

Q. How do you know when a Colorado ski instructor walks into the bar?
A. Don't worry, he'll tell you.

Q. Which pedal do rooster racecar drivers at Bandimere Speedway favor?
A. The egg-celerator.

Q. What is a treefer, and is that better than a two-fer?
A. Both are Colorado happy hour goodies, and you be the judge...

Q. If a blonde camper in Pike National Forest has three tents in one hand and six sleeping bags in the other, what does she have?
A. Big hands. Duh!

Q. What do Coloradans call a doctor who lives at a tent-filled mountain resort to treat visitor's afflictions?
A. A camp-pain manager.

Q. Why are there so many more Bigfoot sightings in the Denver foothills lately?
A. Because Squatches moved here, just like everybody else!

Q. What do local stoners always take along on Colorado Bigfoot hunting trips?
A. High-powered night vision cameras.

Q. Why does Denver have such a wide demographic range of ages that consume legal marijuana?
A. I25 and I70.

(By the way, I25 through Denver has always been called The Valley Highway! So, DON'T MOVE HERE NOW and legislate to RENAME IT, dickweeds!)

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