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Q. Why was the Energizer bunny arrested? A. He was charged with battery!
All the toilets in NYC police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on!
Q. What game did the dentist play as a child? A. Caps and robbers!
What is copper nitrate? Overtime for policemen.

Q. What is a detective's favorite day of the week? A. Why Day!

 


Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Law Enforcement Laughs
Cop some barely legal laughs, suspect humor, police officer puns, and arresting jokes.

Police Puns, Cop Jokes, Policeman Humor
(Because Legal Laughs and Cop Jokes Could Never Be TOO Mainstream When Flashing Lights Are Behind You!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Lawless laughs, arresting jokes, handcuff humor and speed trap puns ahead.
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |

Q. What are the only places with 24-hour police protection? A. Donut shope!Q. Why do poicemen have bigger balls than firemen? A. they sell more tickets!Cops arrested two boys, one for drinking battery acid and the other for fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off!

Q. What is a policeman's favorite summer vegetable?
A. Corn on the cop.

Q. Why was the celery arrested?
A. For stalking...

Q. Which holiday is a policeman's favorite?
A. National Donut Day.

Q. Why was the cannibal cop arrested?
A. He was caught grilling his suspects!

Q. What did the juiced-out battery say to the cop waiting outside the bar?
A. Feel free to charge me.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the sausage?
A. Because it was the wurst!

Q. What do police call a perp who robs the local drug store?
A. A pillager.

Q. Why is a traffic cop the strongest man in the world?
A. Because he can hold up a 10-Ton truck with his hand.

Cop: Why did you park HERE?
Blonde: Duh, the sign says, "Fine for Parking."

Running Joke of the Day: News Flash! A man was shot with a starting pistol, then beaten to death with a relay baton. Police believe it may be race related.

Q. Why did God create policemen?
A. So firemen could have heroes.

Q. What do cops and firemen have in common?
A. Both want to be firemen.

Q. Why did the traffic cop give the bard a ticket?
A. For driving without a poetic license.

Q. What is it called when a cop puts a suspect in the back seat of his cruiser?
A. In-car-ceration.

Q. What was the arsonist's alibi?
A. Just another flame excuse.

Cop: Why did you dump these vegetables on my desk?
Criminal: Because you said it was time to spill the beans.

Q. Why did the blonde cop tie a rope around the criminal?
A. The chief told him to get a line on the suspect.

Q. Why did the librarian join the police force?
A. 'Cause he wanted to work under cover.

Q. Which money saying do cops really eat up?
A. Dollars to donuts.

Q. How do beat cops greet people? A. Policed to meet you!Q. Why couldn't the cops apprehend the suspect at the cathedral? A. They didn't have a church warrant!Relax. The handcuffs are tight because thy're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them for awhile!

Two cops in a squad car crash into a tree. One turns to the other and says, "Wow, this is the fastest we've ever gotten to the accident site."

Q. What happened after a chef was murdered by being boiled to death in an industrial pasta cooker?
A. Police are still trying to al dente-fy a suspect.

Q. Why did the police officer cry after making the arrest?
A. It was a moving violation.

Q. Which cop always solves crimes purely by accident?
A. Sheer Luck Holmes.

Q. What is the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's baton?
A. One is used for cunning stunts...

Police Pick-Up Line: I'm ready to enforce the law of attraction!

Q. What's the difference between a thief and a church bell?
A. One steals from the people, and the other peals from the steeple.

Q. What happened when the semi truck full of toilet paper crashed on the Interstate?
A. Police say there were definite skid marks leading up to the scene of the accident.

Q. What do you call a flying policeman?
A. A helicopter.

Q. Why did the cops detain the mattress store delivery truck driver that sped by?
A. Because he could blow their cover.

Q. Who do locksmiths call when they need back up?
A. The Keystone Cops.

Q. Why do pencils get sent to the pen?
A. To do long sentences.

Police Pick-Up Line: Cops do it by the book.

Q. Why did the burglar wear blue latex gloves?
A. He didn't want to be caught redhanded!

Q. Why did the crappy policeman become a paleontologist?
A. Because he was a real coprolite.

Q. Why are the police desperately searching for a thief who threatens people with a lit match?
A. They want to catch him before he strikes again.

Police Pick-Up Line: Cops do it with handcuffs.

Q. Why did the light-footed cop pull over the U-Haul?
A. He wanted to bust a move.

Old policemen never die. They just cop out.

Q. What did the cop say to the suspect?
A. If you run, you'll just go to jail tired.

Q. What did the fashion police say to his sweater? A. Do you know why I pulled you over?Q. If two potheads are in the back of a car, then who is driving? A. The Cop!Q. Why did the cop sit on the toilet? A. To do his duty!

Q. What do you call a cop who breezes through the new radar gun's users manual?
A. A speed reader.

Q. Why was the belt arrested?
A. For holding up a pair of pants!

Police report that there have been a lot of thefts at the local bowling alley and warn that the criminals are likely to strike again.

Police Department Groan of the Day: If I knew I was getting a full-body search, I would have waxed.

Q. When is an undercover cop in uniform?
A. Only on his day off!

Q. What is the proper police attire for taking fingerprints?
A. A dust jacket.

Q. Why did the cops pull over the Mini Cooper full of clowns?
A. For the fun of it, plus they obviously weren't wearing seat belts.

Did you hear about the kidnapping? It's okay, he's still asleep.

Traffic Cop: Sir, we are going to have to give you a drug test.
Cooperative Citizen: Okay, but which drugs are we testing?

Q. Which nut is always on the side of the good guys?
A. Almond the side of the law!

Q. Why was the lid arrested?
A. It wasn't in Colorado.

Q. Why did the traffic cop give the poet a ticket?
A. For driving without a poetic license.

Q. What happened after a guy reported his coffee cup stolen?
A. He had to go down to the police station to look at some mug shots.

Q. What is the proper detective attire for picking up a series of clues?
A. A trail blazer.

Q. What do you call a thief that steals everything except your soap and towels?
A. A dirty crook!

Q. Why weren't the toilet paper thieves arrested?
A. The cops kept patting the suspects down, butt they were clean.

Q. What is the proper police attire for detaining a perp?
A. A holding tank.

Q. How was the toupee shop burglary investigation going?
A. Cops have not found the stolen wigs, but they are still combing the area.

Q. Why did the FBI say to the money laundering suspects?
A. Come Clean!

Q. Why was the cap arrested?
A. It was covering for the toothpaste.

Police Pick-Up Line: Spread 'em!

A chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances. The police suspect fowl play!Q. Why are police officers excellent volleyball players? A. They know how to serve and protect!Barely legal police pick-up line: Do you know how fast you were going when you fell from heaven?

Q. Which TV show features cops solving crimes committed by garden gnomes?
A. Lawn Order.

Q. Why was the parrot in prison?
A. Because he was a jail bird.

Q. What do you call it when a mean detective mutt follows you around?
A. Being cur-tailed.

Q. Which animal has an asshole halfway up his back?
A. A police horse.

Q. What was the ultimate goal of the police detective duck?
A. He wanted to quack the case!

Q. Which diploma do blonde criminals earn?
A. The Third Degree.

Police were investigating a feline corpse that was found in a Xerox machine. They're calling it a copy cat killing.

Q. What do you call the teal-colored tape some police wrap around crime scenes?
A. Cordon Blue.

Q. What do you call a concierge ophthalmologist who helps the police solve crimes?
A. A Private Eye Doctor.

Bloody Funny Groan of the Day: A guy was arrested by the police and charged for killing a number of vampires. They've got him on three counts.

Q. What do you call well-dressed cops?
A. The Fashion Police.

Q. Which police unit responds when terrorist mosquitoes attack?
A. The SWAT Team!

Q. Do old police detectives ever die?
A. Nobody knows, because they're always under cover.

Q. Why did the police arrest the guy who was playing pool?
A. He was picking pockets.

Q. Who was the greatest thief ever?
A. Atlas, because he held up the whole world!

Q. What do the cops say when they arrive during your tailgating party?
A. Dish is the Police!

Q. What did the chemist say when he escaped the police?
A. Cu later, Copper!

Q. Why did the cops try to arrest the vampire?
A. For robbing the blood bank.

Police were called to a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in the face. They arrived to a sticky hostage situation.

A guy tossed a penny down the well and made a wish … that the police would never find Penny's body.

Q. What do you call a cop who breezes through the new radar gun's users manual?
A. A speed reader.

Q. What kind of tea do cops prefer?
A. Police brew tally tea.

Q. Why did the pot of coffee have to call the police department?
A. 'Cause it got mugged!

Q. Why didn't the grammarian blonde respond to the cops?
A. Because they said, "Police, Open the door!"

Q. What happened after the dummy robbed a bank?
A. Police are questioning a ventriloquist who may have had a hand in it.

Police Pick-Up Line: Drop 'em!

What not to say when you get pulled over:
Are you the guy from the Village People?

Police Pick-Up Line: Hey Babe, wanna play good cop, bad cop?

Q. What do the cops call a person who has been debriefed?
A. Nudist.

Q. When do bounty hunters try hunt down illegal laughs?
A. When there are dental records.

Q. What is the proper police attire for shadowing a suspect?
A. A follow suit.

| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |
| Job Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actor Jokes |
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| Psychiatrist Jokes | Psychic Jokes | Scientist Jokes | Teacher | Tech Support | Weatherman |

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