Q. What do you call if when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A. A cellfie!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. Why was the Energizer bunny arrested? A. He was charged with battery!
All the toilets in NYC police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on!
Q. What game did the dentist play as a child? A. Caps and robbers!
What is copper nitrate? Overtime for policemen.
Q. What is a detective's favorite day of the week? A. Why Day!


Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Law Enforcement Laughs
Cop some barely legal laughs, suspect humor, police officer puns, and arresting jokes.

Police Puns, Cop Jokes, Policeman Humor
(Because Legal Laughs and Cop Jokes Could Never Be Too Mainstream When Flashing Lights Are Behind You!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Lawless laughs, arresting jokes, and humor speed traps ahead.
| Police Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 | Barely Legal | 2 | Lawyer |

Q. What are the only places with 24-hour police protection? A. Donut shope!Q. Why do poicemen have bigger balls than firemen? A. they sell more tickets!Cops arrested two boys, one for drinking battery acid and the other for fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off!

Q. What is a policeman's favorite summer vegetable?
A. Corn on the cop.

Q. Why was the celery arrested?
A. For stalking...

Q. Which holiday is a policeman's favorite?
A. National Donut Day.

Q. Why was the cannibal cop arrested?
A. He was caught grilling his suspects!

Q. Why did the cops arrest the sausage?
A. Because it was the wurst!

Q. Why is a traffic cop the strongest man in the world?
A. Because he can hold up a 10-Ton truck with his hand.

Cop: Why did you park HERE?
Blonde: Duh, the sign says, "Fine for Parking."

Q. Why did God create policemen?
A. So firemen could have heroes.

Q. What do cops and firemen have in common?
A. Both want to be firemen.

Q. What is it called when a cop puts a suspect in the back seat of his cruiser?
A. In-car-ceration.

Q. What was the arsonist's alibi?
A. Just another flame excuse.

Cop: Why did you dump these vegetables on my desk?
Criminal: Because you said it was time to spill the beans.

Q. Why did the blonde cop tie a rope around the criminal?
A. The chief told him to get a line on the suspect.

Q. How do beat cops greet people? A. Policed to meet you!Q. Why couldn't the cops apprehend the suspect at the cathedral? A. They didn't have a church warrant!Relax. The handcuffs are tight because thy're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them for awhile!

Two cops in a squad car crash into a tree. One turns to the other and says, "Wow, this is the fastest we've ever gotten to the accident site."

Q. Which cop always solves crimes purely by accident?
A. Sheer Luck Holmes.

Q. What is the difference between a magician's wand and a policeman's baton?
A. One is used for cunning stunts...

Police Pick Up Line: I'm ready to enforce the law of attraction!

Q. What's the difference between a thief and a church bell?
A. One steals from the people, and the other peals from the steeple.

Q. What do you call a flying policeman?
A. A helicopter.

Q. Why did the cops detain the mattress store delivery truck driver that sped by?
A. Because he could blow their cover.

Q. Why do pencils get sent to the pen?
A. To do long sentences.

Police Pick Up Line: Cops do it by the book.

Q. Why did the burglar wear blue latex gloves?
A. He didn't want to be caught redhanded!

Q. Why are the police desperately searching for a thief who threatens people with a lit match?
A. They want to catch him before he strikes again.

Police Pick Up Line: Cops do it with handcuffs.

Q. What did the cop say to the suspect?
A. If you run, you'll just go to jail tired.

Q. What did the fashion police say to his sweater? A. Do you know why I pulled you over?Q. If two potheads are in the back of a car, then who is driving? A. The Cop!Q. Why did the cop sit on the toilet? A. To do his duty!

Q. What do you call a cop who breezes through the new radar gun's users manual?
A. A speed reader.

Q. Why was the belt arrested?
A. For holding up a pair of pants!

A. If I knew I was getting a full-body search, I would have waxed.

Q. When is an undercover cop in uniform?
A. Only on his day off!

Did you hear about the kidnapping? It's okay, he's still asleep.

Traffic Cop: Sir, we are going to have to give you a drug test.
Cooperative Citizen: Okay, but which drugs are we testing?

Q. Which nut is always on the side of the good guys?
A. Almond the side of the law!

Q. Why was the lid arrested?
A. It wasn't in Colorado.

Q. What do you call a thief that steals everything except your soap and towels?
A. A dirty crook!

Q. How was the toupee shop burglary investigation going?
A. Cops have not found the stolen wigs, but they are still combing the area.

Q. Why was the cap arrested?
A. It was covering for the toothpaste.

Police Pick Up Line: Spread 'em!

A chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances. The police suspect fowl play!Q. Why are police officers excellent volleyball players? A. They know how to serve and protect!Barely legal police pick-up line: Do you know how fast you were going when you fell from heaven?

Q. Which TV show features cops solving crimes committed by garden gnomes?
A. Lawn Order.

Q. Why was the parrot in prison?
A. Because he was a jail bird.

Q. Which animal has an asshole halfway up his back?
A. A police horse.

Q. What was the ultimate goal of the detective duck?
A. He wanted to quack the case!

Q. Which police unit responds when terrorist mosquitoes attack?
A. The SWAT Team!

Q. Who was the greatest thief ever?
A. Atlas, because he held up the whole world!

Q. What do the cops say when they arrive during your tailgating party?
A. Dish is the Police!

Q. When do bounty hunters try hunt down illegal laughs?
A. When there are dental records.

Q. Which diploma do blonde criminals earn?
A. The Third Degree.

Q. Why didn't the grammarian blonde respond to the cops?
A. Because they said, "Police, Open the door!"

Police Pick Up Line: Drop 'em!

What not to say when you get pulled over:
Are you the guy from the Village People?

Police Pick Up Line: Hey Babe, wanna play good cop, bad cop?

| Police Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 | Barely Legal | 2 | Lawyer |
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