Q. Why did the police ticket the ghost on Halloween? A. It didn't have a haunting license!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What are the four food groups of police officers? A. Jelly, glazed, powdered and chocolate!
Q. Why don't the Borg go to prison? A. Because they obey the Lore!
Q. what do you call an officer with bugs? A. Po-Lice!
Q. Why do poicemen have bigger balls than firemen? A. they sell more tickets!

 


Beat Cop Jokes, Police Humor, Rookie Puns
Pull over for prison puns, undercover laughs, criminal humor and cheesy traffic citation jokes.

Funny Police Jokes, Criminal Puns, Cop Humor
(Because Criminal Puns Could Never Be TOO Mainstream If You Tried, But Didn't Get Into the Police Academy!)
Warning: Proceed at Your Own Risk! Rookie cop jokes, unlawful humor, legal laughs and gut-busting puns ahead.
| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |

Barely legal police pick-up line: I'm writing you a ticket because fine is written all over you!Q. Why was a locksmith summoned to testify in court? A. To present key evidence!Q. What do you call if when a prisoner takes his own mug shot? A. A cellfie!

Q. Why did the blonde in the car with the wild paint job get pulled over?
A. The cops said it was a graphic violation.

Q. Why did the blonde get all excited when the rookie cop gave her a citation?
A. 'Cause she thought she had the golden ticket.

Q. Why did the clock stop by police headquarters?
A. To pay off all its tick-ets.

Q. Why does an accused locksmith have an advantage in his own criminal defense?
A. Because he has the key evidence.

Q. Which TV show features cops solving crimes committed by garden gnomes?
A. Lawn Order.

Q. Why did the policeman arrest the off-key musician with no rhythm?
A. Because he was a beat cop.

Q. How do prison inmates contact friends and family on the outside?
A. They use cell phones.

Q. Why did the septic tank technician become a crime reporter?
A. He was used to digging up a lot of sh*t on social media.

Q. How do beat cops greet people on the street?
A. Policed to meet you!

Always be careful when driving to evening parties? Better safe than soiree!Q. Why do potatoes make good detectives? A. Because they keep their eyes peeled!Q. What are the only places with 24-hour police protection? A. Donut shope!

Q. What did the hillbilly traveling in Arkansas say when a state patrolman pulled him over and asked for his ID?
A. 'Bout what?

Q. What did the seasoned officer ask his rookie blonde partner while on their first patrol in the squad car?
A. Are you trying to driving me crazy?

Q. Who is the strongest thief?
A. The shoplifter.

Q. What happened to the Italian chef who tried to bribe the judge with polenta?
A. He was held in corntempt.

Q. Why do carrots make such great detectives?
A. Because they always get down to the root of the problem.

Q. What do you get if you cross a gangster and a garbage man?
A. Organized grime!

Law Enforcement Point to Ponder: Do cops like doughnuts better when they're spelled Do-Nuts?

Q. Why did the grill master enroll at the police academy?
A. Because he enjoyed steak outs.

Q. What do you call a rookie banana motorcycle cop in California?
A. Banana CHIPs!

Q. How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. They just beat the roo for being black!If Sherlock Holmes gave friends and family discounts, were they thankful for his deduction?Q. What did the secret agent cow ask the other cow? A. Are you udder cover?

Q. Why do cops on the take give off smelly farts?
A. Because they're dirty pigs.

Q. Why do retired cops refer to themselves at the barbershop as ex law enforcement?
A. Mustache you ask?

Q. What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?
A. Jail-y Donuts.

Q. Which cop always solves crimes purely by accident?
A. Sheer Luck Holmes.

Two cops in a squad car crash into a tree outside Woodland Park, Colorado. One turns to the other and says, "Wow, this is the fastest we've ever gotten to the scene of the accident."

Q. Who wrote the engaging crime drama book, Cracker Detective Work?
A. Mr. E. Solved.

Q. Why did a book join the police department?
A. It wanted to go under cover.

Q. Why are undercover male cops more sexy than female cops?
A. Because you can't be sexy without the XY.

Q. Which Native American chief was know for giving out a lot of traffic tickets?
A. Citing Bull.

Bloody Handprint Says: Happy Splatter Day!Q. What do prisoners use to call each other? A. Cell Phones!Relax. The handcuffs are tight because thy're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them for awhile!

Q. What is the ultimate car for a rural police detective?
A. A track-tor.

Q. What is a serial killer's favorite Travolta Flick?
A. Splatter Day Night Fever.

Police Pick-Up Line: You, me, handcuffs, whipped cream. You interested?

Q. How long did the young detective lead the investigation?
A. Until a senior detective got on his case.

Today's horoscope said: "You're going places today and you can't be stopped!" Yeah right, tell that to the cop that just pulled me over...

Q. What do you call the leader of a cellular biology gang?
A. The nucleus.

Blonde: There are hundreds of dead people and a cannibal here!
Police Dispatcher: Where are you?
Blonde: Littleton Cemetery. (Alferd Packer, confessed cannibal, is buried in Littleton, Colorado.)

Law Enforcement Point to Ponder: Is a policeman's favorite tool his night stick?

Q. What was the optician's excuse to the cops?
A. I've been framed!

Police Pick-Up Line: I'm from the FBI, Fine Body Investigations, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

Q. What did the TV anchorman do when he was told there was a pursuit in progress?
A. He cut to the chase.

| Police Jokes, Cop Puns, Arresting Jokes | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Police Pick-Up Lines | 2 |
| Barely Legal Jokes and Criminal Puns | 2 | Lawyer Jokes | Killer Friday the 13th Humor |
| Traffic Humor | Drunk Puns | Drunken Gnomes | Drug Puns | Weed Jokes | Superhero Puns |
| Job Jokes | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actor Jokes |
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| Doctor Jokes | Electrician Jokes | Eye Doc Puns | Farmer | Gardener Puns | Home Contractor |
| Landlord | Locksmith Puns | Magician | Musician | Optician Jokes | Physicist Jokes | Plumber |
| Psychiatrist Jokes | Psychic Jokes | Scientist Jokes | Teacher | Tech Support | Weatherman |

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