Q. What goes through towns, up and over hills, but doesn't move? A. The road   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. Why did the taxi driver go 60 MPH? A. His passenger was talking a mile a minute!
Always be careful when driving to evening parties? Better safe than soiree!
Q. What do you call a chauffeur that drives you to under-the-bar dances? A. A Limbo Service!
Groaner Pun: A bear was hit by an 18-wheeler. It was a grizzly accident.

Q. Why doesn't a pickle like to travel? A. Because it's a jarring experience!
Q. Who earns a living driving their customers away? A. A taxi driver!
A magician was driving down the road, then he turned into a driveway.


Car Travel Jokes, Traffic Puns, On the Road Humor
Get the green light with high rolling traffic humor, pothole puns, and funny traffic jam jokes.

Road Trip Jokes, Traffic Humor, Exhausting Puns
(Because Fast-Moving Jokes Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream When You're Stuck in Traffic or Need a Tow Truck!)
Warning: Take the High Road with Caution! Driver jokes, bumpy puns, and your ticket to laughs ahead.
| Traffic Jokes and Road Trip Humor | Car Puns | Auto Mechanic Jokes | Gas Jokes, Petrol Puns |
| Motorcycle Jokes | Biker Gnome Jokes | Bicycle Jokes, Bike Puns | River Jokes, Upstream Puns |
| Truck Jokes, Semi Puns, and Trucker Humor | Taxi, Cab, Uber, Limo Jokes | Train Travel Jokes |

When engineers built the new traffic roundabout, they pulled out all the stops!Q. What do you call a big traffic jam? A. Muddle of the roadQ. Why did the blonde smear peanut butter on the road? A. To go with the traffic jam!

Q. Why wasn’t the new traffic signal installed yet?
A. They were waiting for city officials to give it the green light.

Q. What do you get when two giraffes collide at very high speed?
A. Giraffic Jam!

Q. Why should you tell an asphalt joke before you tell a dirt road pun?
A. Because that always paves the way to the big groans.

Q. Where are you if you're riding down the the road and see a bear?
A. On the road to bruin.

Q. Why was Homer's wife so hesitant to enter the traffic flow?
A. 'Cause everybody was shouting, "Merge Simpson!"

Q. Why are mountains the most fun place to go on your road vacation?
A. Because they're hill areas!

Q. What happened to the guy who found himself on the road to Hell?
A. After he drove over the pothole to Hell, he had to call roadside assistance from Hell. OUCH!

Unanswered Road Riddle of the Day: Why is the best way to avoid holiday traffic to just stay home?

Q. Why did the seasonal road pothole repair worker quit his job?
A. Regular paychecks were really patchy.

Q. What do paleontologists call it when a truck full of dinosaur bones has a wreck on the way to the museum?
A. A Jurassic Jam!

Q. Why did the blonde hate the road?
A. It was driving her crazy!

Q. Why is just sitting in traffic a bad idea?
A. Because you will get run over!

Travel Point to Ponder: If you break the speed limit, can you fix it?

Q. Why does it take so long for the highway crew to clean off all the slime after a big mudslide?
A. Because its oozier said than done!

Q What happened when the blonde didn't look into his rearview mirror before backing up?
A. He was dumbstruck.

Q. If you're driving in Colorado and find a fork in the road, what should you do?
A. Stop for lunch!

Q. What do you call that feeling you get when you see a cop car in your rear view mirror? A. Cop sick shock syndrome!Q. What did the red light say to the green light? A. Don't look, I'm changing!Q. What do you call a pickle run over on a highway? A Road Dill!

Q. What song do traffic signals like to hear from car radios?
A. Stop in the Name of Love.

Two cops in a squad car crash into a tree. One turns to the other and says, "Wow, this is the fastest we've ever gotten to the accident site."

Q. What did the car say after it crashed?
A. Ouch, that was wheely unfortunate.

Q. What do you call a road that's oddly elastic and springy?
A. Highway rubbery.

Road Trip Point to Ponder: If a motorist smiles during the time he's coming to a stop, is that grinning to a halt?

Q. Why did the green light turn amber in October?
A. Because it was fall.

Q. Why was the blonde just standing in the middle of the busy intersection?
A. The Walk sign changed to Don't Walk, so she just stopped.

Q. Why did the traffic signal turn red?
A. You would too, if you had to change in the middle of the road.

Q. What did cats install on the toll road?
A. Fee lines.

Q. What do you call driving on backcountry roads with the high beams on at night?
A. A bright idea.

Q. Why did the traffic signal turn green and stay green?
A. It wanted to GO eco-friendly.

Q. What is it called when road workers cover a surface with asphalt every four weeks?
A. Monthly pavements.

Road Trip Laugh of the Day: My parents said I was born on the highway. Apparently, that's where most accidents happen.

Q. Who wrote the book, I Got Hit By A Car?
A. Jay Walker.

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, isn't it just a matter of time before we hear a country song where the guy's truck leaves him, too?

Q. Why did a vampire drive on the highway? A. He was told it was a main artery!Q. Why did the traffic light turn red? A. You would too, if you had to change in the middle of the road!Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck and asks the driver if he's got and ID. Driver says: "Bout what?"

Car Point to Ponder: If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

Q. What kind of vehicle does a skeleton drive?
A. A Zamboni!

Q. What do you call the racing spot in town?
A. The main drag.

Q. How do you know you are old?
A. Your first car was a covered wagon.

Q. What do you call a Ford Fiesta when it runs out of gas?
A. Ford Siesta.

Old car salesmen never die, they just go out of commission.

Q. What happened to the guy who broke his left arm and left leg in a car accident?
A. He's alright now.

Q. Which kind of car does a la crosse player drive to the game?
A. A Dodge.

Q. Which town only has roads teeming with tire-snagging depressions?
A. The Holey City.

Q. What is it called when they start charging motorists tolls for using a new bridge?
A. A fee-asko.

Q. What's the best way to get back on your feet?
A. Miss a few car payments...

Q. Why did the police officer cry after making the arrest?
A. It was a moving violation.

Q. Why did the cops pull over the Mini Cooper full of clowns?
A. For the fun of it, plus they obviously weren't wearing seat belts.

Q. How did the wife feel when her husband refused to wear his seat belt?
A. It drove her crazy.

Q. Why did the cop ticket the computer?
A. Because it was speeding along the information highway!

Q. Why are asphalt jokes so funny?
A. 'Cause they pave the road to laughter.

You might be from Colorado if you joined the "Mile High Club: in the back seat of an SUV!Q. Why don't locksmiths need to use GPS? A. They always know their lock-ation!You might be from Colorado if you've gone off-roading in a vehicle that wasn't intended for tht activity!

Q. What kind of car does a proctologist drive?
A. A brown Ford Probe.

Car Travel Points to Ponder: If you run behind your car, you'll get exhausted. If you walk in front of a car, you'll get tired.

Car Travel Point to Ponder: If you have a dream about a car, will you wake up exhausted?

Q. How did the blonde nurse define a triple bipass?
A. A very complicated freeway on ramp.

Q. Why did the guy quit his job patching potholes?
A. He was in a real rut.

Q. What happens when a plaster delivery truck wrecks and spills a load during rush hour?
A. You get stucco in traffic.

Q. What is the difference between five bags of trash and a Ferrari?
A. There is no Ferrari in my garage.

Q. When is a Ferrari faster than a Tesla?
A. When it's falling off a cliff.

Q. Why do chicken coups have two doors?
A. Because if they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans!

Old car rental agents never die. They just go on until it Hertz.

Two blondes were on a road trip to Denver. The sign said, "Denver Left," so they started crying and went home.

Q. What do you call a pig that weaves all over the highway?
A. A Road Hog!

Q. What kind of motor vehicle do pigs drive?
A. Pig-up trucks!

Q. What does a cowboy call bad directions from a cow?
A. A bum steer.

Q. Why was the food truck parked on the side of the road?
A. To curb hunger.

Happy Turns Day!Happy Sigh Day!Wow, is it Wends-Day already?

Q. What happens if you run in front of a car?
A. You get tired.

Unanswered Riddle to Ponder on the Road: Why do children in the back seat of a car cause accidents, but accidents in the back seat cause children?

Unanswered Riddle: How can you learn to drive a stick-shif if you can't find a manual?

Q. What's the difference between a dead lawyer on the road and a dead skunk on the road?
A. Skid marks lead up to the skunk!

Q. Why was the squirrel late for work?
A. Traffic was nuts.

Q. Why did the traffic engineer quit his job with the city?
A. Too many run arounds.

Old DMV driving test administors never die, but they do come to a complete stop.

Q. What did the jack say to the hot car?
A. Can I give you a lift?

Jack Pick-Up Line: Hey Hotrod, can I give you a lift?

Q. What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A. Jack.

Car Point to Ponder: Children in back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seat of cars cause children.

Q. What did the homie say to his bro who spilled Scrabble tiles all over the road?
A. What's the word on the street?

Q. What do you call massive marine mammals traveling in huge cars?
A. Steering whales.

Q. Which movie Jim Carrey movie was filmed in Denver?
A. Me, Myself, and I25.

Q. What do you get when you run behind a car?
A. Exhausted!

Q. What do you have if your car's motor is in flames?
A. A Fire Engine!

Q. Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
A. She wanted to stretch her legs!

Q. Where is the bottom of the valley?
A. Further down the road.

Q What might a fork in the road lead to?
A. A flat tire!

Q. Which memorable song writer was a terrible driver and had several near misses?
A. Swerving Berlin.

| Road Trip Jokes and Traffic Humor | Car Puns | Auto Mechanic Jokes | Gas Jokes, Petrol Puns |
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| You Might Be From Colorado If... | Mountain Jokes | Hipster Humor | Painful Groaner Jokes |

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