You might be from Colorado if you don't drink and drive. - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Wow, is it Wends-Day already?
Happy Hearse Day!

You might be from Colorado if you've seen Bigfoot in a driverless beer truck on I25!
Q. Why did the blonde smear peanut butter on the road? A. To go with the traffic jam!


Taxi Jokes, Limo Driver Puns, Cab Humor
Go along with scheduled bus puns, train ride humor, El LOLs and public transportation jokes.

Limousine Jokes, Uber Humor, Train Puns
(Because Taxi Jokes ane Public Transportation Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream When You're Catching a Ride!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Taci driver grins, ride share jokes, rail humor, Lyft laughs and cab puns ahead.
| Taxi, Cab, Uber, Limo Jokes | Train Travel Jokes | Truck Jokes, Semi Puns, Trucker Humor |
| Traffic Jokes and Road Trip Humor | Gas Jokes, Petrol Puns | Car Puns | Auto Mechanic Jokes |
| Motorcycle Jokes | Biker Gnome | Bicycle Jokes, Bike Puns | River Jokes, Upstream Puns |

Q. Which superhero uses public transportation? A. Bus Lightyear!You might be from Colorado if this guy was your last Uber driver!Q. Who earns a living driving their customers away? A. A taxi driver!

Q. How do hypnotists travel when they go on vacation?
A. They use public trance-port-ation.

Q. What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
A. A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.

Public Transportation Groan of the Day: An unfortunate guy had a reaaly bad day. His wife was hit by a bus, and then he lost his bus driver job. OUCH!

Quick Ride of the Day: A guy hopped on a bus today, but the driver told him to sit down, just like everybody else.

Q. What happened to the blonde who tried to blow up a school bus?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

Wouldbe Passenger: Does this bus run on time?
Bus Driver: No, it runs on diesel.

TV news reported a school bus carrying 17 children rolled over today. Fortunately, there were only minor injuries.

Q. Which ride sharing app also serves breakfast?
A. Eggs Uber Easy!

Q. Which affliction do Uber and Lyft drivers suffer?
A. Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome.

Q. Who is the worst Uber driver?
A. Walter White, 'cause he's always braking bad.

Q. Why don't Uber drivers go to the gym?
A. 'Cause they don't Lyft.

Rid Share Point to Ponder: If a cannibal calls Uber Eats, is that a two-for-one food delivery deal?

Q. Which ride share company offers riders complementary peanuts?
A. Goober.

Q. How hard is it to use Uber Eats to deliver Chinese food to your picnic?
A. It's a wok in the park!

Today's Moving Point to Ponder: If Google bought Uber, would they change the name to Goober?

Q. Which weather is even more destructive than raining buckets?
A. Hailing taxis.

Q. Why did the conscientious taxi driver get fired?
A. Because he always went the extra mile.

Q. Which kind of wine do taxi driver drink?
A. A nice Cab.

Q. Why did the guy quit his job as a taxi driver?
A. He got fed up with everybody telling him where to go.

Q. What do you call a nun cab driver?
A. Virgin Mobile.

Q. How do you know you're truly a driven individual?
A. You take a cab everywhere you go.

Q. What do you call a drunk guy who's trying to unlock his car?
A. A taxi!

Q. What do you call a crabby lady taxi driver?
A. A cab bitch.

You might be from Colorado if hail freaks you out so bad that you have a hard time getting a cab!Q. Why did the taxi driver go 60 MPH? A. His passenger was talking a mile a minute!Q. What do you call a chauffeur that drives you to under-the-bar dances? A. A Limbo Service!

Q. Is it hard to be a taxi driver if you are dyslexic?
A. No. It's as easy as CAB.

Q. What was the heyday of taxis in Beijing called?
A. Chinese cabb-age.

Q. What is the Bollywood taxi driver's stage name?
A. Rick Shaw.

Q. What's the difference between a taxi cab and an elephant?
A. An elephant has a trunk up front and an asshole in the back.

Q. Why did the taxi driver quit his job?
A. He felt the pay was un-fare.

Q. Why did the paranoid guy quit his taxi driver job?
A. He was convinced everybody was talking behind his back.

Q. Why was the taxi drivers party such a snoozer at first?
A. Because everybody showed up 30 minutes late.

Gal Pal: Would you please call me a taxi?
Blonde: Ok. You're a taxi.

Q. What mades it more difficult to drive than when it's foggy?
A. When it's hailing taxis!

Q. When do old limosine operators die?
A. When they lose their drive.

Q. Why don't wee gnomes tell jokes about the limosines?
A. Because limo jokes are too long...

Q. Why are chauffeur jokes so few and far between?
A. Because there's a cap on limo driver jokes.

Q. Why aren't there many limo jokes?
A. The topic is just too much of a stretch.

Did you hear about the limousine driver who had been on the road for five years without a single fare? He had nothing to chauffeur it!

Old chauffeurs never die. They just drive off into the sunset.

Q. What do you call passageways between rows of seats in England? A. The British Aisles!Martini says: I was drinking at the bar, so I thook the bus home. Problem is, I've never driven a bus before!Hearse Says: Happy Tours Day?

Q. Why are London busses red?
A. You would be too, if you had to come every 15 minutes.

Q. Do busses and trains run on time?
A. No. Busses run on wheels and trains run on tracks.

Q. How are busses like porn stars?
A. Nothing for an hour, and then they all come at once.

Q. How are women like busses?
A. Very few will let you come in the rear entrance.

Q. What is yellow and makes moms very happy in the morning?
A. The school bus!

Q. What did the bus driver say to the frog?
A. Hop on!

Q. What happened to the guy who ran in front of a bus?
A. He got tired.

Bratty Kid: When I grow up, I want to be a bus driver.
Dad: Okay. I won't stand in your way.

Q. Why couldn't the leprechaun pay his bus fare?
A. 'Cause he was a little short.

Q. What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
A. The cactus has all the little pricks on the outside.

Q. How are a dirty mass transit depot and a lobster with breast implants?
A. One's a crusty bus station, and the other's a busty crustacean.

Q. Why did the limo driver retire?
A. He'd been driving for 25 years and still had nothing to chauffeur it.

Q. How do vampires get around?
A. On blood vessels.

Q. Why wasn't the rich woman's relationship with her chauffeur going anywhere??
A. He kept driving her away.

Q. What did the limo driver say to his newlywed passengers as they approached the last rest stop on the highway?
A. Speak now, or forever hold your piss.

Q. What do a limo driver and a really hairy male stripper have in common?
A. Both get paid to show fur.

Q. Where do cattlemen
prefer to ride
in the train?

A. In the

Railway that ships potatoes and yams nation wide: Yam Trak

Q. What kind
of vehicle
does a mad
crazy man

A. A steamed

Q. What is the real reason the historic Pike's Peak Cog Railway was shut down?
A. It was too expensive to make up cover stories about all the Bigfoot sightings!

Two stoners were walking along the Pikes Peak Cog Railway. One says, "This is a really long staircase, man!" Second stoner replies, "I don't mind all the stairs, but the handrail is killing me!"

Q. Why did Denver's A Line light rail construction fall behind schedule?
A. Because they needed to get back on track.

Passenger: How many times has this train derailed?
Engineer: I don't know. It's so hard to keep track.

Q. Why do engineers like one-liner?
A. Because they're fans of monorails.

Q. Why are railroads so angry?
A. Because traffic is always crossing them.

Q. What do you call a train that sneezes?
A. Ah-choo choo.

Q. Why was the train conductor fired?
A. 'Cause he had a one track mind.

Q. Why did Amtrak fire the train engineer?
A. His work was off track.

Q. Why did the train conductor quit?
A. Un-fare treatment by the rail company.

Q. How did passengers from 1936 to 1973 describe a cross-country trip taken on the Denver Zephyr?
A. Relaxing and planeless.

Q. What's the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?
A. One minds the train, and the other trains the mind!

Q. Why do hipsters like to eat lunch at Subway?
A. 'Cause it sounds so underground.

Q. How do Denver's RTD light rail trains hear?
A. They use their engine ears!

Q. Why was the locomotive engineer so good at his job?
A. He had lots of training.

Railroad Engineer Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, are you a train? 'Cause I want to rail your caboose.

Train Conductor Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, are you a train wreck? 'Cause I just can't take my eyes off you.

Q. Why was the train engineer fired?
A. Management claimed he had a one track mind. .

Q. Which new dating site is especially for West Coast rail workers and mass transit patrons?
A. Union Pacific.

Q. Why do hipsters exclusively ride the subway in New York City?
A. Because it's so underground!

Q. What is a twip?
A. It's what a wabbit goes on when he wides a twain!

Q. What do Denverites call A Line Light Rail that just doesn't work?
A. Play Station.

Q. Why do space aliens take the El while traveling around Chicago?
A. 'Cause it's a little closer to home.

Q. How did the genius police detectives find the missing train?
A. They followed the tracks.

Q. Why didn't the elephant travel by train?
A. He didn't want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.

Q. Why was the B Line train always late?
A. Because it got side-tracked.

Q. Why can't a railroad engineer get electrocuted?
A. Because he's not a conductor.

Q. Why did the old train engineer pass away?
A. He became de-railed.

Q. Why was the subway construction worker quit his job?
A. Because he developed tunnel vision.

| Taxi, Cab, Uber, Limo Jokes | Train Travel Jokes | Truck Jokes, Semi Puns, Trucker Humor |
| Traffic Jokes and Road Trip Humor | Gas Jokes, Petrol Puns | Car Puns | Auto Mechanic Jokes |
| Motorcycle Jokes | Biker Gnome | Bicycle Jokes, Bike Puns | River Jokes, Upstream Puns |
| Europe Vacation Jokes | British Travel Jokes | World Traveler | Travel Jokes | Travel Hookups |
| France Travel Jokes, Paris Puns | Canada Jokes, Alaska Humor, Polar Puns | USA State Jokes |
| Air Travel Jokes, Airport Humor | Mile High Club Jokes | Sea Trip Puns | Gnome Travel Jokes |
| Space Travel Puns | Time Traveler Humor | On Time Jokes | Redneck Jokes, Good Ol' Boy LOLs |
| Cross the Road Jokes | Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? | Sci-Fi Crossed the Road | 2 |
| Colorado Commuter Jokes | Colorado Jokes | Mile High Denver Jokes | Colorado Tourism Jokes |
| You Might Be From Colorado If... | Mountain Jokes | Hipster Humor | Painful Groaner Jokes |

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Bartender Puns, Bar HumorPainful Jokes & Groaner Puns Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes
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