Q. Why shouldn't you tell an earthquake joke to an Alaskan you just met?
A. Because that's a really bad ice breaker.

Q. What did the guy take a fishing vacation to Alaska?
A. Just for the halibut!

Q. What did the icy road in Fairbanks say to the SUV?
A. Wanna go for a spin?

An eskimo goes to his mechanic. Mechanic says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The eskimo replied, "No, that's just frost on my mustache."

Q. Why didn't the Alaska native like seal meat?
A. He just wasn't Inuit.

Q. What do you call a cold hooker in Nome, Alaska?
A. A frost-itute.

Q. Which game do Canadian kids play on a winter road trip?
A. Ice Spy.

Winnepeg Pick-Up Line: Wow, this snow storm really blows. How about you?

Q. What is the worst thing about living in an igloo in the great White North since Global Warming?
A. No privacy.

Q. Why do some Vancouver actors drive a snow plow?
A. Because there's no business like snow business.

Q. How can a Canadian tell when his lady is mad at him, eh?
A. She only gives him the cold shoulder.

Q. What kind of vodka do Canadian deer drink?
A. Grey Moose.

Q. How did the snow globe feel after a scary drive through Alaska in an ice storm?
A. A little shaken up.

Mind-Nome-ing Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, I must be a real flake because I've fallen for you.

Q. What do you get from dairy farms in Alaska?
A. Ice cream.

Q. Why did the guy's girlfriend break up with him after he said she was just like Baked Alaska?
A. Because Baked Alaska is hot on the outside and cold on the inside. He should have just said, "Sweet."

Ever since the guy's girlfriend moved to Alaska, she's been cold and distant.

Cold Nome Pick-Up Line: Do I have a fever, or are you giving me the chills?

Q. Why do polar bears like bald men?
A. Because they have a great, white, bear place!

Q. What did the Arctic dectective ask the suspect?
A. Where were you from September to March?

Q. What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
A. Bipolar.

Arctic Circle Pick-Up Line: Eh, babe, black ice isn't the only thing I've fallen for.

Q. How did the poacher kill the polar bear?
A. He shot him right between the ice.

Q. What do hoppy craft beers and Canadian urinals have in common?
A. I pee, eh.

Q. What do Canadians call slanted fake news about geese?
A. Propa gander.

Q. Which kind of cars do prostitutes in Norway drive?
A. Fjord Escorts.

Q. What did the Florida beach blonde say after hearing Oslo is a cold vacation destination?
A. There's Norway I'd ever go there!

Q. What's the difference between an iceberg and a lint brush?
A. One crushes boats, but the other brushes coats.

Q. Why are polar bears such popular party guests?
A. Because they really know how to break the ice.

Q. How did the old snow plow driver die?
A. He just drifted off.

Q. What is the hoseiery capital of the northernmost countries?
A. Sockholm.

Q. Why was exploring Alaska in the 1800s so difficult?
A. It just came with the territory.

Q. What do Coloradans call a stoner from Anchorage?
A. Baked Alaskan.

Q. What do the cops in Nome say during an interrogation?
A. Alaska questions here.

Us State Groan of the Day: Alaska does have a state capital. Juneau that?

Q. Why was the USA flag changed in 1960?
A. Because Alaska and Hawaii were rising stars.

Q. When shouldn't you serve red wine at room temperature?
A. When you live in an igloo or ice palace.

Q. Which organization lobbies for Canadian gun rights?
A. The NR, eh.

Q. Why didn't the Arctic tourist get any sleep last night?
A. Because he accidentally plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept popping out of bed all night.

Q. What does a polar bear have for lunch?
A. Ice burger!

Q. What's a Polar bear's favorite winter treat?
A. Brrr-itos!

Arctic Circle Pick-Up Line: Eh baby, I've become frost-smitten with you.

Q. What is a Canadian polar bear's least favorite U.S. government agency?
A. I.C.E.

Q. What do Canadians call an Abominable Snowman with a six-pack of Molson?
A. Yeti to party.

Q. What do Canadians get if they cross a snowman and an arctic wolf?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What do you call a Yukon guy on winter rollerblades?
A. A snowmobile.

Canadian Pick-Up Line: Hi Babe, ice to meet you!

Q. Which airline do vampires take when going on vacation?
A. Scare Canada!

Q. Why did Canadian meteorolgists lose to the American meteorologists in the basketball tournament?
A. 'Cause it was unfair in height! OUCH!

Q. What do Canadians eat for breakfast?
A. Frosted Flakes.

Travel Pick-Up Line: Girl, there is Norway you're driving off before I get your number.

Q. Which great city of the north is inhabited by many short, bearded beings?
A. Gnome, Alaska.

Q. How can you tell it was a particulary brutal snow storm?
A. Even your Alaskan Malamute said it was "ruff!"

Q. What do you call a northern guy who's completely into polar bears?
A. Totally Inuit.

Q. How do polar bears make their beds?
A. With snow blankets and sheets of ice!

Q. What did the attendant at the Esso station in Winnepeg say to his customer?
A. Have an ice day!

Q. Which element is derived from a thunderous Norse god?
A. Thorium!

Q. What did the travelers say about their group accomodations?
A. It was a hostel envirnoment!

Q. What do you get if you cross a snowman with an Arctic Wolf?
A. A Brrr-Grrr.

Arctic Circle Pick-Up Line: Hey Girl, do you live in an igloo? 'Cause you're pretty cool.

Q. What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
A. Polaroids!

Q. What song do folks at the North pole sing at Santa's birthday party?
A. Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

Q. What do folks at the North Pole call their offspring?
A. Chill-dren.

Cold Hard Cash Banking Fact: A guy had an account with a bank at the North Pole, but all his assets were frozen.

Q. How do bruins stay cool during summer?
A. They use bear conditioning.

Polar Bear Pick-Up Line: It's so cold outside that I'd like to hiber-mate with you!

Q. Who is Frosty The Snowman's favorite relative?
A. Aunt Arctica.

Q. What is a polar bear's favorite geometric shape?
A. The ICE-oceles triangle.

Q. What do polar bears catch for lunch?
A. Brrr-gers.

Q. Why don't polar bears get married?
A. Because they always get cold feet.

Q. What time is it when kids in Toronto see winter flakes falling outside the kindergarten window?
A. Snow and Tell.

Q. What do nuclear elfin engineers fear most at the North Pole?
A. A Meltdown.

Q. How does Mrs. Claus endure living at the North Pole?
A. She's enjoys living in a Wine-ter Wonderland!

Q. What do you call a jolly old dog who works at the North Pole?
A. Santa Paws.

Q. What did Santa Claus name the hottest brothel at the North Pole?
A. The Work Shop!

Q. What do you call a Canadian who tells tall tales?
A. A snow fake.

Q. In Northwest Territory speak, what is an Ig?
A. A crappy house without a Loo.

Q. What do Canadians call a snowman with a six pack?
A. The Abdominable Snowman.

Q. What do you call a cool cow in Yukon Territory?
A. An Eski-moo.

Q. What do Canadians call a loon that uses both wings equally well?
A. Ambi-duck-stous.

Toronto Pick-Up Line: Eh there, do you plow here often?

Q. What did Mrs. Claus say during the freak rain storm at the North Pole?
A. Wow, come look at the rain, dear.

Q. What do you call Santa if he has a secret life at the South Pole?
A. Bi-Polar.

Q. Why didn't Santa launch his sleigh from the North Pole on time?
A. There were small elf and safety concerns.

Q. Why does Santa dislike painful North Pole puns?
A. Because it's snow laughing matter!

Thanks for stopping by and see you again soon!

Join us on social media and please feel free to share our memes with friends and family:

©2017-2021 Painfulpuns.com All rights reserved.