Q. How do you avoid getting swallowed by a river while white water rafting in Colorado?
A. Stay away from the river's mouth.

Q. Do old white water river rafting guides ever die?
A. No, they just go with the flow.

Did you hear about the Colorado tourist who got cold while paddling up stream? He lit a fire in his boat, only to discover you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Q. What's even worse than being up a creek without a paddle?
A. Being down Big Dry Creek without a puddle.

Well dam it! Wouldn't you know there 'd be a flood of river jokes at PainfulPuns? The creeky punch lines are no surprise, judging by the streaming laughter.

Q. How did the Cache la Poudre River get its name?
A. Early explorers saw Sasquatch and Bigfoot tossing turds at each other across the banks.

Q. What do you call a vacation home on the best trout fishing stream in Colorado?
A. Reel estate.

Q. How did the fisherman know he finally found the perfect trout fishing spot along the South Platte River in South Park, Colorado?
A. He caught site of it.

Q. What do Coloradans call a skinny dipper in the Highline Canal?
A. A gully washer.

Q. Where do you go for a nightmare vacation?
A. The River Styx.

Q. Why did the hipster leave his Aspen mansion by the Roaring Fork River?
A. It was too current.

Q. How do you drown a hipster?
A. Take him river rafting in a main stream!

Q. Why did the hipster tube down the High Line Canal south of Denver?
A. Because the South Platte River was too mainstream.

Q. How do you make a fitting hat out of a canoe on a creek?
A. You flip it over, and voila! It's cap-sized.

Q. Where will you find the most female skinny dippers in Colorado?
A. Beaver Creek.

Q. Which waterway is the hungriest?
A. Roaring Fork River in Colorado.

Two blondes were out on opposite sides of the South Platte River near Deckers. The first blonde shouts, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The second blonde replies, "You are on the other side! DUH!"

Q. Why are river tributaries so easy to get along with?
A. They always go with the flow.

Q. In Egypt, what do they call all of the creeks and tributaries that flow into the Nile River?
A. Juveniles.

Q. How do tourists an CSU students feel about white water rafting on the Poudre River in Colorado?
A. They get carried away just thinking about it.

Q. What's the current mood of Little Dry Creek?
A. Depression.

Q. Why did the blonde get cash out of the bank and then throw it into the river?
A. 'Cause she wanted to study cash flow. DUH!

Q. What do you get when you cross a river and canal?
A. Wet!

Q. Which part of a river runs the fastest?
A. The rapids.

Q. What is the name of the frat house at the university near the Mississippi River?
A. Delta Delta Delta.

Q. What do you call a spud on a small raft going down the Chutes on the South Platte River near Decker, Colorado?
A. An inner tuber.

Q. Which waterway is the thirstiest?
A. Big Dry Creek in Colorado.

Q. Why did the blonde toss her jar of manonaise into the Colorado River on May 5?
A. 'Cause it was Cinco de Mayo. DUH!

Q. How did the blonde save the man who was drowning in the river?
A. She tossed him a bar of soap, and he washed up on shore.

Q. Why do vacationing maids enjoy river rafting?
A. 'Cause it's good clean fun.

Q. Where are you when you're daydreaming at work?
A. Up a lazy river.

Q. Why did the hipster raft down the tributary?
A. Because the river was too mainstream.

Q. Why don't river otters hold grudges?
A. That's just water under the bridge.

OUCH! I hit my head on a bridge while river rafting on vacation. It would have been okay if viaduct!

Q. Where did beavers build the biggest damn?
A. The River Styx.

Q. Why did that beaver go to jail?
A. He held up the dammed riverbank.

Q. Why shouldn't you ever pee in Clear Creek near Golden, Colorado?
A. 'Cause that's where Coors is brewed.

Q. How are gullies and humans alike?
A. Both can get the runs... EW!

Go With the Flow Pick-Up Line: Whoa, I can't swim, Babe! Can I hold onto your floaties?

Q. What is a tampon floating down stream called?
A. A blood vessel.

Old river rafters never die, they just go with the flow.

Q. What do you call stage actors who like to go fly fishing along the Frying Pan River in Colorado?
A. Cast members.

Great Indoors Groan of the Weekend: There's a new river movie out. It's streaming live.

Old fishermen never die. They just go up river.

Q. Why don't witches go fishing in the blood stream?
A. Because they can only cast spells.

Q. Where do ghosts and zombies go for some R and R?
A. The Eerie Canal.

Q. Where do demons and ghouls go white water rafting?
A. The River Styx.

Q. Why do Ghostbusters stick together when they swim in the river?
A. 'Cause none of them wants to be across the stream.

Q. Why did the smart rainbow trout in The Roaring Fork River ignore the fisherman's fly?
A. He didn't want to be a fish out of water.

Q. Which world waterway is the most sarcastic?
A. The Crimea River.

Q. What do you call a widower banker who is also a skilled Colorado river trout fisherman?
A. A loan-ly master-baiter.

Q. Which white water rafting company in Colorado consistantly gets the most repeat visitors?
A. Echo Canyon.

Q. What was the white water rafting guide's last word?
A. Waterfall!

Q. Where do purists go for the most pristine white water rafting?
A. White River near Carbondale, Colorado.

Sink or Swim Point to Ponder: If paddles could swim, wouldn't that be oar-swam?

Q. Why doesn't anybody attempt to swim under the river in Paris?
A. Because that would be in-Seine. Eau, oui!

Q. Why did Denver area social media comedians want a dam built on the South Platte River?
A. So there'd be a reservoir of jokes to stream and a field of puns to chat about.

Q. Why didn't the ohm swim to the other side of the white water river?
A. 'Cause there was just too much resistance.

Q. What did the guy at the water board say when the river overflowed its banks just outside town?
A. Dam it.

Q. What do Coloradans say about tubing down the Chutes near Deckers?
A. What a rush!

Q. Which extreme sports adventure author never finished writing the book, My Last White River Rafting Trip?
A. Wyatt R. Fall.

Q. Where was Proud Mary?
A. Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river.

Q. Why are fishing boots the warmest to wear when wading in a cold stream?
A. Because they have electric eels.

Go With the Flow Point to Ponder: Isn't it ironc that water runs, but you can go running in a river? However, watherfalls and so can you.

Q. Why do janitor comedians enjoy river tubing jokes?
A. 'Cause they're good clean funny.

Q. Why was the chef drowning in a river of tears?
A. He spent hours peeling and dicing onion for a three-gallon pot of onion soup. And then, the clumsy bus boy dumped a tray of dirty dishes into it...

Q. Why do Idaho potato growers dig telling river rapids tuber jokes?
A. 'Cause people really eat them up.

Q. What is the most pristine and untouched waterway?
A. Plum Cree, Colorado.

Q. What did the ambitious thief say he aspired to do next?
A. Crime me a river.

A golfer was standing ot the tee overlooking a river and sees two fishermen out there. He turns to his golf buddy and says, "Look at those two morons fishing in the rain."

Q. What is the opposite of fire fly?
A. Water fall.

Q. Which state does the Rio Grande River flow in?
A. Liquid.

Parasitic Groan of the Day: Did you hear about the guy who fell ill after drinking muddy river water outsie his new cabin? His bro sent him a get well text saying, "Get well soon."

Q. How much do bruins like fishy river jokes?
A. Beary much.

Washed Up Travel Pick-Up Line: Are you from Paris? 'Cause you are driving me in-Seine.

Q. Why did the blonde pilot try to land on the river delta?
A. 'Cause it was a flood plane.

Q. Why did a squirrel swim across the stream on his back?
A. He wanted to keep his nuts dry.

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