Q. What happened to the blonde who was pumping gas while smoking a cigarette?
A. Her arm caught on fire. When the cops showed up, they shot her for waving a fire arm.

Q. What do you call a short joke about the price at the pump?
A. A gas line.

Q. What do you call a fuel stop where you don't understand what the cashier is saying over the speaker at the pump?
A. A guess station. .

Q. Why aren't there very many jokes about gasoline?
A. 'Cause there's nothing funny about gas prices or smog.

Q. What is the name of the place on your car where the fuel pump nozzle is inserted to fill 'er up?
A. The esopha-gas.

Q. What do you call the truck diver who delivers gasoline to fuel punps every day?
A. A gas-o-haul-ic.

Q. Which island off Africa has crazy low gasoline prices?
A. Mad-a-gas-car.

Q. What is it called when a loan shark catches up to you at the gas station?
A. Pay at the pump.

Q. Which gasoline brand is most popular in Cairo, Egypt?
A. Sar Car Fo Gas.

Q. What do they call the public restroom at a filling station?
A. The gas can.

Q. What do you call automobile fuel pumped at a station on an official line between two countries?
A. Border petrol.

Q. Who was the hooker looking for at the all-night filling station?
A. The gas pimp.

Gas Pump Groan of the Day: A guy was at the gas station and accidently filled his Escort with diesel fuel. She died...

Q. Why are gas station bathrooms locked?
A. They're afraid somebody will clean them.

Fueled Up Point to Ponder: Is it any surprise that there are always lines at gasoline stations?

Q. What does a car's fuel tank wear when it's cold outside?
A. A gas cap.

Q. Where are you if you're happy about the low pirce for gasoline?
A. At a thrilling station (in your dreams).

Q. What do you call the guy who fills his tank before heading to the liquor store and then to the bar?
A. A gas-o-holic.

Why do I fart? Because it's the only gas I can afford!

The air compressor at the gas station used to be a quarter and now it's two bucks. That's inflation for you.

Q. Where can you get the most horse power?
A. At the grass station.

Q. What did the divorced filling station owner with heartburn call his old wife?
A. Gas-Ex.

Q. What is the show Diesel Brothers about?
A. Pump kin.

Q. Where are you if gasoline enexpected comes out of the pump at high velocity?
A. The gush station.

Q. Which kind of motor oil does Darth Vader use while tooling around the streets of Denver on vacation?
A. Sithetic.

Hulk urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Q. Where do the most knife-wielding gas pump muggings occur?
A. The gash station.

Q. How does your mechanic diagnose the problem created if you accidentally put diesel in your car instead of regular unleaded?
A. A gas trick ulcer.

Q. Where might you find a messy gas nozzle malfuncion?
A. At a spilling station.

Q. Where are you when the price of gasoline gives you goose bumps?
A. At a chilling station.

Q. What do you cal femily members that own a gas station?
A. Pump kin.

Q. Why did the turtle cross the road?
A. To get to the Shell station.

Q. Why did the dumb blonde museum robbery fail?
A. They ran out of gas because they
didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make their Van Gogh.

Q. Which kind of shoes does the stylish lady cashier at the gas station wear?
A. Pumps.

Q. How do you feel when you overfill your tank and end up spilling gasoline on your shoes?
A. Fuming mad.

Q. What did Mason Williams call a stop at the filling station before heading to the recording studio?
A. Classical Gas.

Q. Which spear-ited green bio gas concept never made it to market?
A. Aspara-gas.

Q. Which dinosaur produces the highest octane fossil fuel?
A. The Gasosaurus.

Q. What do you call an injury caused by a gas tank?
A. A pro-pain.

Q. What do you call a gas station built over a working oil well?
A. A drilling station.

Q. How do USA states hold their road work budget together?
A. With gas tacks.

Q. Which fuel additive do chic trendy chefs cook up?
A. Molecular Gastronomy.

Q. Which kind of bread is used to make gas station convenience store sandwiches?
A. Pump-ernickle.

Q. What kind of salad can you buy at a gas station convenience store?
A. Regular and un-lettuced .

Q. Which kind of convenince store sells both gasoline and hamburgers?
A. A grilling station.

Q. What do you call farts caused by eating refried beans along with onions?
A. Tear Gas!

Q. What do they call the refueling center that suffered a deadly explosion?
A. The killing station.

Q. Where will you find the cleanest restrooms on a road trip?
A. At the guest station.

Q. What is the most popular gas brand in Naples, Italy?
A. Pump Pay.

Q. What did the attendant at the Esso station in Winnepeg say to his customer?
A. Have an ice day!

Q. What was the name of the gas station owner's daughter in that classic 1950s movie?
A. Ethel.

Q. Which gas station caters to royalty and heads of state?
A. Pump and Circumstance.

Q. Which breed of dog do gas station owners prefer?
A. Pumperanians.

Q. Where can you find the most filling stations per capita?
A. GasMoline, Illinois.

Q. Which oil company mogul wrote the book, When You Feel Empty Inside?
A. Phil R. Upp.

Q. What did the guy say when he saw how much it cost to fill up his new SUV?
A. I'm absolutely a gas-t!

Q. What is it called when you can't clearly see the price per gallon at the fuel pump?
A. A gas mask.

Q. Which classic rock song automatically plays in your head when the needle's been on E for the last 25 miles with no gas station in sight?
A. Running On Empty by Jackson Browne.

Q. Who wrote the book, Where To Stop; On Your Road Trip Vacation?
A. Gus Stay-Shun.

Q. Who does high-tech spot checks for fuel pump safety at filling stations?
A. Inspector Gasket.

Q. What do the two cousins who work at the gas station call each other?
A. Pump-kin.

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