Q. What does a French chef give his wife on Valentine's Day? A. A hug and a quiche!   PainfulPuns.com - Puns, Jokes, Word Play, Groaners, Ouch!

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Q. What is
a dog street
called in Paris?


Q. What did the French chef give his love on valentine's Day? A. A Hug and a Quiche!

Q. Which kind
of French
cheese suffers

A. Blue cheese.



Paris Vacation Puns and France Travel Humor
Say oui oui to Louvre-ly puns, France tourist humor, French wine laughs and in-Seine jokes.

France Jokes, Paris Puns, French Food Humor
(Because Paris Street Performer Jokes and French Wine Puns Couldn't Be TOO Mainstream for a Drunken Mime!)
Warning: Proceed with Caution! Franc laughs, mime jokes, ooh la la humor, rue-d grins and wine-y puns ahead.
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Chimp Chef Asks: Have you heard about Suzette? She's full of crepe!
Hey Gnirl, are you a tower? 'Cause Eiffel for you!
Q. What can you say to an annoying street performer? A. Oh, just go and mime your own business!

Q. Why doesn't anybody attempt to swim under the river in Paris?
A. Because that would be in-Seine. Eau, oui!

Q. Who needs a French country house of their own?
A. A man who doesn’t want to live in somebody else’s chateau.

Q. What does a French chef say when he's late to work?
A. Sorry omelette.

Q. Why is it so hard to train a French bulldog?
A. 'Cause they go oui oui all over the house.

Q. How do you say diarrhea in French?
A. Eau Shit!

Chic Paris Fact of the Day: French people do not masturbate. They jacques off.

Q. What do you say to the guy at the perfume counter who wants to spritz you with expensive French toilet water?
A. Oui, Oui!

Q. What did the tourists get when they saw the Paris tower lit up at night?
A. An Eiffel.

Q. What is it called if you're instantly enamoured by a famous French art museum?
A. Louvre at first sight.

Q. How do you say,"I took a tumble," in France?
A. Eiffel down.

Travel Pick-Up Line: Are you from Paris? 'Cause you are driving me in-Seine.

Q. What is the best thing about dating a French fellow?
A. His oui oui.

Q. Why did the French actor just jump into the river?
A. 'Cause that was in the scene.

Q. What can you say to that maniac at the department store who wants to spray you with cheap French toilet water?
A. Eau No!

Q. Which kind of shrink is capable of communicating with a mime?
A. a Paris-psychologist.

Q. How do you taunt a mime?
A. Say, "I see London, I sse France, I see Marcel's underpants."

Q. What do you call a Paris street performer who has a women's underwear fetish?
A. Panties-mime.

Q. What do you call a male street performer in Paris?
A. A man-to-mimist.

Q. What is it called when a Paris street performer flips out and reacts wildly?
A. Rant-o-mime.

Q. How do you describe the Paris street performer's curious new routine?
A. Mime-numbing.

Q. What do the French call it when an American tourist wears too much perfume?
A. Eau-ver-load.

Q. How do
each other?

A. Bone-jour!

After an exposion at a French cheese factory, all that was left was De Brie

Q. What is
the specialty
of the French
drug dealer?

A. Oui-d!

Q. What did the Parisian say when 007 left France?
A. Bond Voyage!

Q. Who was the most haunting president of France?
A. Charles de Ghoul.

Q. What would you call France without the Mediterranean?
A. Frane.

Q. What does a fine French artist sing when he's in Dire Straights?
A. Monet for Nothing.

Q. What does a French art thief say when he holds up a collector?
A. Give me all your Monet!

French Artist Pick-Up Line: Girl, you're so fine that you'd make an impression on Monet.

Cheesy Chat Up Line: Hey Jack, you're like a fancy French cheese. Some people find your odor strong and offensive, but I know it just means you are high quality.

Q. Why won't the French cheesemonger laugh at these cheesy jokes?
A. Because he Cantal if they're funny or not?

Cheesy Love Poem: Edam was is red, French cheese is bleu, do I have parmesan to fondue you?

Q. Why did the French cheese commit suicide?
A. Because it just could take it any Langres.

Q. How do you profess your love to a French cheesemonger?
A. Say "Teleme."

Q. Where do orchard owner vacation in France?
A. Pear-is.

American Tourist: Do you play video games in Paris?
French Guy: Wii.

Q. What do the French call those who arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare?
A. An Orly bird.

Did you hear about the guy who wrote all his vacation jokes in all caps? HIS LAST ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.

Q. Why did the dumb blonde Louvre museum robbery fail?
A. They ran out of gas because they
didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make their Van Gogh.

Q. How do you say small breasts in French?
A. Pe-tits.

Q. What do tourists call the bad side of Paris?
A. The ba-ghetto.

Chef Pun: Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes!
Q. What did the head chef say when the rookie burned the dessert? A. Is that a crime brulee?
A grenade in a French kitchen results in Linoleum Blown Apart.

Q. Why is the word for egg all the French language you need to learn?
A. 'Cause that's an oeuf.

Restaurant Point to Ponder: Any cook who swears is French, or is that just what he wants you to think?

Q. How do Frenchmen say, "blue balls?"
A. Sack Le Bleu.

Q. Which kind of French hot tub thinks you're guilty of something?
A. J'accuzzi.

Q. Which Paris dance craze includes beehive hairdos?
A. The French Twist.

Q. What's in the center of Paris?
A. R.

French Chef Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, you're twice as sweet as Creme Brulee, and a lot less drippy.

Q. How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn?
A. Stick your hand into the bell and mess up all the notes.

Q. Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
A. If a man blows into it, God only know what comes out.

Flat Pick-Up Line: Babe, are you a Paris musician? 'Cause you are making me French horny.

Q. What's it called when you use a pay toilet in Frace?
A. Euro peein'.

Q. Which kind of britches did Napolean wear?
A. Francey pants.

Q. Why are the French so badass?
A. They eat paiin for breakfast.

Q. Which sport is played by angry Frenchmen?
A. Lacrosse.

Q. Which French city is the kindest?
A. Nice.

Q. Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the United States?
A. They had no need for a statue with just one hand in the air.

Q. Why did the blonde become a French art collector?
A. Because she wanted more Monet.

Wine Humor: Q. Which breed of dog can bring you a glass of red wine? A. The bordeaux vollie!


Q. Which act
is performed
in a French
storage area?



Chimp Chef Asks: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef? A. you get buttered up!

Q. How does French Cabernet like to travel abroad?
A. On a cruise sip.

Q. Where do French connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
A. In a wine cabernet.

Q. Which type of French wine only comes in a box?
A. Carbordeaux.

Q. Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
A. Because French wine snobs hate them!

Q. What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
A. Liquidate it to the highest bidder.

Q. What is a pirate's favorite kind of fine French wine?
A. Pinot Arrr.

Q. What does the best man at a Paris wedding reception do?
A. Make Fremch toasts.

Q. What do mother wolves in France say when they bring dinner home for the cubs?
A. Bone Appetit!.

Q. Why are French cheese makers considered so friendly?
A. 'Cause they always take the time to shoot the bries.

Q. What did the Paris street performer sleep on at night?
A. A mime-ery foam mattress.

Q. What did the street performer sip on at the Paris cafe bar?
A. A Mime-osa.

Q. What do you call a mysterious Paris street performer who only appears briefly and then disappears?
A. Phantom-mime.

Q. Which classic novel was about a French actor who was persecuted for for his art?
A. Mime and Punishment.

Q. Which kind of bird do Paris street performers like to keep as pets?
A. Mime-a birds.

Q. How does a Paris street performer apologize?
A. He signs, "Mime Sorry."

France Fact of the Day: French fries aren't cooked in France. They're cooked in Greece.

Q. Which travel and tourism company was founded by cavemen at Lascaux Cave in France?
A. Club Med.

Q. What is a guillotine?
A. A French chopping center.

Q. Why is escargot so popular in Paris restaurants?
A. Because the French don't like fast food.

Q. What currency did Francs use before the Euro?
A. French bread.

Q. Why did the cavewoman at Lascaux Cave in France leave her mate?
A. 'Cause she saw the writing on the wall.

Q. What happened when two cheese delivery trucks collided in Paris?
A. De brie was everywhere!

Q. What is it called when folks in Paris become close chums?
A. French-ship.

Q. How can you tell if a French street cafe is haunted?
A. It gives you the crepes.

Q. What do the French call a leash on a heeler?
A. Cord on Bleu.

Q. Why isn't the Prime Minister of France ever seen duuring the morning?
A. 'Cause he's a PM, not an AM.

Fun France Fact: The French version of the movie, Jaws, was ende with a graphic of the word FIN.

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