Jokes, Typical Guy Puns, Male Humor, Bro Ha
Laugh along with regular guy puns, masculine men's humor, fella fun and
virile bro jokes.
Proceed with Do Caution! Bald jokes, he he humor, penile
puns and upstanding Viagra jokes ahead.
Guy Jokes, He Man Humor, Manly Man Puns
(Because Old Boys Jokes, Bald
Dude Puns, and Hairy Man Humor Couldn't Be TOO
Mainstream for Macho Men!)
| Guy Jokes, Man Humor | Male
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| Dateless Guy Laughs | Batman
Puns | Superman Jokes | Fireman
Jokes | Cowboy Humor |
Why was the hunky optician so popular with the ladies?
A. He had specs appeal!
What is a hemorrhoid?
A. A male from outer space!
What do you call the short insane guy at the mental hospital
who claims he's a little green space man?
A. An Astro-Nut!
Why was the guy dressed as a Star Trek doctor booted out
of the Sci-Fi convention?
A. Because he wasn't the real McCoy.
guy was staring at Medusa's boobs when she remarked, "Hey,
my eyes are up here." But he was already hard as a rock.
What did the guy ask his doctor during his colonoscopy?
A. Could you please write me a note for my wife saying that
my head is not up there?
Why did the doctor diagnose the guy who suffered from negativity
with Optical Rectalitis, a condition that affects the nerves
between the eyeballs and asshole?
A. Because he had a shitty outlook on life.
guy just found out you can sell sperm to a sperm bank. All
these years he'd been letting potential income slip through
How are boobs and toys alike?
A. Both are intended for children, but dad can't keep his
hands off them.
guy walks into the urologist's office carrying a console
and says, "Doc, I think there's something wrong with my
Fact of the Day: Wise men drink wine. Budweiser men
Wine Fact of the Day: Men are like fine wine. They start
out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the crap out
of them until they turn into something acceptable to have
guy walks into a graveyard bar and asks the bartender for
a beer. Bartender replies, "Sorry, we only serve spirits
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified
A. A Sherry Picker.
Why wasn't the guy angry after burglars stole all his booze?
A. Because they lifted his spirits.
Why did the guy take a urine test again today?
A. His kleptomania had gotten out of hand...
Why did the man in Scotland have to see an urologist?
A. 'Cause he had a wee bit of a problem.
Why didn't the guy have to take Viagra after visiting the
A. 'Cause he was already scared stiff!
guy is going to open a business with the money he got from
his donation at the sperm bank, because now he's got a little
What do you call a lovey-dovey guy who is allergic to most
alkaline skin-washing products?
A. A soapless romantic.
Why are Batman's farts louder than Batgirl's farts?
A. Because Batman has a microphone and two speakers.
What do you get when a blind guy tries to talk to you at
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
A. The Dark Knight rises.
How did the guy know he was married to Wonder Woman?
A. She wonders when he'll grow up. She wonders when he'll
take out the trash. She wonders when he'll get a raise and
promotion. And, she wonders why she ever married him!
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
A. Iron Man is a superhero, and Iron Woman is a laundress
Q. What did Wonder Woman say to The Flash when she noticed
he was graying?
A. I still find you dashing!
What is it called when a judge bangs his gavel and declares
the defendant guilty early in the hearing?
A. Premature adjudication.
What would you call Batman after a sex change?
A. An Ex-man. OUCH!
guy saw a penny in a urinal and wondered what they'd wished
for. Now, he's wishing for a dry pocket...
Why did the tech guy prefer Colorado craft beer?
A. Because his head is in the cloud.
guy was browsing at the liquor store, so the clerk asked,
"Do you need help?" The guy replied, "Yes, but I'm here
to get whiskey instead."
What do you call a guy who's manner of walking makes everybody
A. The saunter of attraction.
man attempted to smuggle sausage and vodka out of Europe
in his suitcase. But the baggage caught on fire and the
plane had to be evacuated. It was the Absolut wurst
Why did the near-sighted guy fall into the mineral springs?
A. Because he didn't see that well!
man goes to the doctor after suffering a severe allergic
reaction. Doctor asks, "How are you feeling now? Patient
replies, "Just swell."
What do you call it when a guy's life is flourishing, but
he makes very rssh decisions?
A. Reckless thriving.
walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, "Doctor, you've
got to help me. I think I'm a deck of cards." The shrink
replies, "Sit over there, and I'll deal with you later."
Uplifting Underwear Joke: A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Either way, he'll have two cups.
What happened when the guy got hit in the head with a beer
A. It didn't break the skin, but it did leave a nasty
man walks into a bar. OUCH! You would think he
would have seen it!
guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducked.
man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender asks,
"Why the short face?"
Why did the dirtbag have a bolt of lightning tattooed onto
A. 'Casue lightning only strikes the same place once.
guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are A-holes!"
Man at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I object to that!"
Guy asks, "Why, are you a lawyer?" Man replies, "No, I'm
Why was the guy so bad tempered when he was sulking and
A. Because he needed to learn better moping skills.
guy walks into a bar wrapped in a blanket. Bartenders says,
"For you, there's no cover charge."
What is the name of the surgery where a man gets a penis
What does it mean when a guy says that he has lightning
A. That's bro code for premature ejaculation.
guy came home late after his poker game and saw a note on
the refrigerator saying, "This isn't working. I'm going
to my mother's house." He opened the fridge. The light was
on and the beer was cold, so he wasn't sure what she was
What did the unhappy guy say after his limb replacement
surgery was botched?
A. I'll kill 'em with my bear hand!
Fashion Point to Ponder: Can a one-armed man buy clothing
a second hand store?
What did the guy say to his wife when she complained about
hearing him scratching his pencil on paper?
A. Yes, you heard me write!
guy woke up after surgery and screamed, "Doctor, I can't
feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, we had to amputate
when I was your age, there was no social media. You had
to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple
Which angry guy absolutely will not go outside without his
A. A hot head!
Woman: Undress me with your words.
Wouldbe Beau: There's a spider in your bra.
you hear about the guy who took his girlfriend to the optometrist
because she had issues with her vision? Turns out she was
seeing other men.
A guy ran into his dermatologist at a bar. Doctor asked,
"Did that mudpack I gave your wife improve your wife's appearance?"
Guy replied, "Yeah, but it kept falling off."
What did the guy call it when he dropped his ED drugs?
A. Viagra Falls.
How are men and pantyhose alike?
A. Either they cling, or they run, or they don't fit right
in the crotch.
Why was the guy fired from the pharmacy?
A. Because drug-free workplace and free drug
workplace are not the same thing.
What happened after the guy had a first date with a dental
A. She said she'd had a great time and she'd like to see
me again in six months...
guy showed his bud a pic of his wife and said, "Isn't she
stunning!" Bud replied, "You should see my wife." Guy asked,
"Wow, is she stunning, too?" Bud replied, "No, she's an
How hard was it for the guy to start the company that manufactures
A. It was no small feet!
If a bra is called an over the shoulder boulder holder,
what do you call men's underwear?
A. Under the butt nut hut!
Why are gay men always so well-dressed?
A. They didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
What's the difference between a well-dressed man and his
A. One wears a three-piece suit; the other just pants.
Why was the masturbating drummer so tired?
A. 'Cause he never skipped a beat.
What did the new guy at the men's cologne counter say about
his new gig?
A. This job really stinks!
What's the name of the new men's antiperspirant deodorant
line inspired by race car drivers?
A. Pit Stop!
What does a tailor do when a guy says his pants are too
A. He cuts him some slacks.
What do you call the colorful guy who invented denim pants?
A. A blue jean-ius!
Why didn't the guy recommend his tailor?
A. Because he didn't suit him well.
What do men call neckwear that begins with the letter A,
B, C, or D?
A. Alphabet ties.
What happened to the guy who tried to rob a bank wearing
underwear as a mask?
A. The cops arrested him after a quick debriefing.
Point to Ponder: If that dumb guy had a nickel for every
time someone said, "look at that asshole!," he'd certainly
have enough money to patch up that hole in his pants.
elderly man told his doctor he'd like his sex drive lowered.
Doc replied, "Sir, at your age, your sex drive is mostly
in your head." Man said, "I know. That's why I want it lowered."
an elderly man went to see his doctor, he was told that
he'd have to give up half his sex life. The old man asked,
"Which half? Thinking about it, or dreaming about it?"
The doctor said he'd have me back on my feet in two weeks.
Friend: And, did he?
Man: Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.
to ER Doc: Hurry! My son swallowed a razor blade!
ER Doc: Have you done anything yet?
Guy: Yes, I shaved with my electric razor.
cardiac surgeon tells a guy he has a bad heart. The guy
says, "I want a second opinion." So, the doctor says, "You're
What happened to the boy who was born without eyelids?
A. When he was circumcised, they used the skin for eyelids.
Unfortunately, he's a little cock-eyed now.
you hear about the blind guy who went to his optometrist
with his guide dog? The doctor replaced the dog and asked,
"Is number two better?"
Why did the guy buy a DIY perfume-making kit as a gift for
A. It seemed to make scents.
Why was the guy surprised when he was kicked out of the
peripheral vision club?
A. He just didn't see it coming!
gentleman who was going blind was sure he could master braille
once he really got the feel of it.
How do you get a hipster to eat a hot dog?
A. Put it in a man bun.
What does a man have in common with a bottle of beer?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching
Monday Night Football?
A. The sofa doesn't keep asking for Bud Light!
What's the difference between pigs and men?
A. Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
How are a bar and a bra alike?
A. Men enjoy being inside them.
Why did the blonde guy trip over his girlfriend's bra?
A. 'Cause it was a booby trap.
What did the guy with five penises say about his new underwear?
A. It fits like a glove.
What do men really want from their underwear?
A. A bit of support and a lot of freedom.
guy accidentally butt dialed his proctologist. The doctor
said he was getting tired of that shitty joke.
What encouraging words can you say to to a guy who is afraid
he is turning into a recluse?
A. You are not a loner.
What did the blonde hair stylish say when the man said he
wanted a hair cut?
A. Which one?
What do you call several men waiting in line for a haircut?
A. A barber-cue.
Why don't bald men need keys?
A. Because they've lost all their locks.
you hear about the guy whose hairline was so far back that
even archaeologists couldn't find it?
What do you call a guy who changes his place of residence
every few weeks?
A. Very unsettling.
Why did the bald guy put a rabbit on his head?
A. Because he wanted a head full of hare.
Why do bald men always have holes in their pockets?
A. So they can run their fingers through their hair!
What did the bald guy say when he got a comb for his birthday?
A. Gee thanks, I'll never part with it.
Which three ways can a man wear his hair?
A. Parted, unparted, or departed.
What did the man, who usually wore a toupee, do when he
wanted to relax?
A. He just let his hair down.
Do old execs at Hair Club for Men ever die?
A. No, they just keep plugging away.
Why did the blonde guy like watching the football game at
the hair salon?
A. The coverage is the same, but the highlights are better.
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't decide between vodka
and whiskey? He was very good at multi-flasking.
At the craft beer pub in Breckenridge, what is the drunk
guy's favorite kind of skis?
you hear about the guy who lost his glasses at the bar?
The rest of the evening was a total blur.
last man on Earth walks into a bar and says, "Drink,
I'd like another bartender."
Fact of the Day: A man's got to believe in something. I
believe I'll have another beer.
got a selfie stick for Father's Day. Turned out that he
can finally hold the phone far enough away to read his text
Groan of the Day: A guy wasn't sure the surgeon could handle
his hepatectomy, but the doctor did de-liver.
man goes to an eye doctor and says, "I keep seeing spots
in front of my eyes." Receptionist asks, "Have you ever
seen a doctor?" The man replies, "No, just spots."
What did the optician say to the guy who complained about
his blurry glasses?
A. If you're going to clean your eyeglasses with a tissue,
do it before you blow your nose!
What are related men who swear alot when they get together
A. Cussing cousins.
British Man: Luv, your teeth remind me of the stars.
Old Man's Old Wife: Because they sparkle and gleam?
Old Man: No. Because they come out at night.
guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "How's it going?"
Guy replies, "Okay, I guess. Holding my own." "That's good,"
says the bartender, "You'd get arrested if you held somebody
How did the guy feel when the new Toy Story action figures
A. He got a Woody.
What do you call an NRA guy with an erection?
A. A hard conservaative
What do frozen beer, burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have
A. Some guy forgot to take it out in time!
How are men like bank accounts?
A. One day they're up, one day they're down, but most of
the time they show no interest.
What happened when the guy mixed up his depression medication
A. No matter how he tried, everything just kept getting
harder and harder.
What did the guy think when the drunken ventriloquist said
she wanted to sleep with the bartender?
A. He didn't know if it was she or the beer talking.
What did the man ask the x-ray technician after swallowing
A. Do you see any change in me?
You need to stop masturbating so often.
Male Patient: Why? Will I go blind?
Eye Doctor: No, but it's making the other patients very
Why did the even-tempered guy long for more stress and pressure
in his life?
A. He was starved for tension.
the guy said his old T-shirt still fit him, it was a bit
of a stretch.
What do you call the guy who drank vodka and ended up in
a mental hospital?
A. An Absolut madman.
What is the best thing about dating a French fellow?
A. His oui oui.
Which new sex toy are men all excited about?
A. The Erector Set.
What does the TV news anchorman say while having sex?
A. This just in...
Why did the guy jerk off into one of his socks?
A. 'Cause he wanted to get off on the right foot.
Medical Quote of the Day: Upon examination of the genetalia,
Zobo the clown, has indeed been circus-cized.
guy and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe gets drunk
and passes out. Bartender says, "Hey, you can't leave that
lyin' there." The guy replies, "that's not a lion, it's
drunken man gets on a bus, staggers down the aisle, and
sits next to an old lady. She looks at him and says, "I've
got news for you. You're going straight to hell." The drunk
jumps up and screams, "Whoa, I'm on the wrong bus!"
eye patient who always wore eyeglasses was curious to see
what he'd look like without them. So, he took them off and
looked in the mirror. As it turned out, he just could not
see himself without them.
investment banker used all of a guy's money to buy a leather
jacket and a motorcycle. When the guy asked for it back,
the banker told him to sit on it. Sounds like he's running
a Fonzi scheme!
man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another
guys were hanging at the bar. First guy says, "My wife is
just like whiskey." Second guy comments, "Oh, she gets better
with age?" "No," replies the first guy, "She gives me a
What's the difference between a man and the weather?
A. Nothing can be done to change either one.
Why did it take the blonde guy a whole week to topple his
A. 'Cause foam wasn't spilt in a day!
Pub Fact of the Day: Men do make passes at girls with empty
Why did the guy go to the brew pub to think before quitting
A. Because he needed to draft a letter of resignation...
What is it called when a fun guy ties his belt
around a barroom seat and pulls it behind him?
A. A towed stool.
man walks into the doctor's office with a carrot up his
nose, celery in one ear and a banana in the other. He asks,
"What's the matter with me?" The doctor replies, "You aren't
What is it called when a guy carves his pumpkin way too
A. Premature e-jack-o-lantern.
What is a group of peers, comprised of 12 well-endowed gentlemen,
A. A hung jury.
What do you call a cheap guy who owns small horses but doesn't
spend much money on them?
A. A pony-pincher.
Guy Jokes, Man Humor | Male
Body Jokes | Men's Restroom Jokes
| Manly Drinking Jokes |
What does beer say to the guy who tells tall tales?
A. Cool story, Brew!
Why did the college freshman blow chunks all over the house?
A. Because he wasn't party trained.
Thought of the Day: A man with a split personality went
to a shrink. After the first session, he asked for the group
How did the stoner guy feel when he fell into a vat of cannabis-infused
A. He was in high spirits!
What did the guy say when he bumped into a friend right
after getting new glasses?
A. Hey, long time, no see!
Why was the man so stunned when the eye doctor told him
he was colorblind?
A. Because that came right out of the blue.
Point to Ponder: What do you call a male ladybug?
Why was the guy with pink eye so happy he surfed into the
eye doctor's web page?
A. Because it was a site for sore eyes!
guy goes to an optician's office and asks how much glasses
cost. The optician told him it varies. The guy said, "Oh,
I see clearly..." So, the optician replied, "Well, you don't
need them then!"
Why didn't the guy tell his wife that he was using her deodorant?
A. 'Cause it's a Secret.
Why did the jury find the courtroom masturbater not guilty?
A. He got off on a technicality.
Why did Grandma explode?
A. Grandpa mixed up his Viagra and nitroglycerin. OUCH!
What do you call a guy who only likes their own type of
What was the cavewoman's pet name for her well-endowed mate?
A. The King of Clubs.
Man Tip of the Day: Never hit a guy with glasses. Use your
you hear about the fellow who got a bottle of fine wine
for his mother-in-law? He thought that was a fair trade.
Q. What happened when the guy went to his dentist for root
A. He lost his nerve!
guy was in the hospital with 60% burns. Doc says, "Give
him two Viagra." Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"
Doc replies, "No, but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"
Why did the guy ask his wife to dress up like a nurse?
A. To fulfill his fantasy that they had health insurance.
Why did the guy pass out while he was shopping?
A. We don't have the faintest idea…
What did the drone bee say when he returned home to the
A. Honey, I'm Home!
What happened when the guy decided to try on the pants he
wore on his wedding day on his 5th wedding anniversary?
A. It was a waist of time.
you hear about the guy who quit drinking liquor for good?
Now he drinks for evil.
How are military men and sex alike?
A. The privates do all the work.
What is it called when a military man suffers from premature
A. A dishonorable discharge.
How is being enlisted in the military like a blow job?
A. The closer you are to discharge, the better you feel.
What do you call a guy who likes to mix and match his stockings?
the guy woke up from surgery, the nurse asked how he was
feeling. He said he was okay, but didn't like hearing all
the four-letter words in the OR. The nurse asked, "What
did he say?" Guy answered, "OOPS!"
guys were fishing in a boat when one guy pulled a genie
in a bottle out of the lake. The grateful genie grants them
one wish. First guys says, "I wish this lake was full of
beer." Poof! It's beer. Second guy says, "You idiot, now
we have to pee in the boat!"
Why couldn't the guy go to the contraception museum?
A. They wouldn't let him come inside.
the bartender asked the patron if he wanted his whiskey
without ice, the man replied, "Sure, that would be neat."
guy was folding his pants, fresh out the dryer, and found
a dollar in a pocket. His blonde girlfriend walked in and
asked, "Beau, how long have you been laundering money?"
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because men are all pigs.
Why did the guy quit his job at the shoe recycling center?
A. Because it was sole depressing.
What happened to the Irishman who thought about the evils
of drinking in the New Year?
A. He gave up thinking.
Why is Museum a codeword for Strip Club
to manly men?
A. 'Cause there's no touching.
What did the guy call the image of a drink flask on his
A. A Thermos-tat.
What did the guy say when he got underwear for Christmas?
A. In with the new and out with the holed.
Where do male wolves like to hang out with the guys?
A. In the den.
What does Mrs. Claus call Santa when he's not wearing any
A. St. Knickerless.
Courtroom Point to Ponder: Why is it called manslaughter
when a guy kills his wife?
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