Q. Why does every firehouse have a male Dalmatian?
A. To help them find the fire hydrant.

Q. If a water hydrant has H2O inside it, what's on the outside?
A. K9P.

Q. What do you call a fireman without a hose?
A. FireWoman.

Q. Why do fireman evacuate people out of a burning building before spraying water?
A. 'Cause it's bros before hose.

Fire Fighting Tip of the Day: If a fireman offers you the choice of two ways out of a burning building, always take the ladder.

Q. Why did the fireman quit his job?
A. Because he was really burned outt.

A lighter walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you." Lighter asks, "Why not?" Bartender replies, "You haven't even had one drink, and you're already lit!

Q. Why are the police desperately searching for a thief who threatens people with a lit match?
A. They want to catch him before he strikes again.

Q. Which kind of pyrotechnics were specifically designed to be launched from airplanes?
A. Flier-works.

Q. How did the old pyromaniac die?
A. His flame went out.

Son: What is a fireman's least favorite letter of the alphabet?
Dad: R, son.

Q. What was the arsonist's alibi?
A. Just another flame excuse.

Q. Why was the pirate pyromaniac arrested?
A. For ARR-son.

Q. What do you get if you cross a duck and a fireworks?
A. A Fire-Quacker.

Q. What happened to the blonde who was pumping gas while smoking a cigarette?
A. Her arm caught on fire. When the cops showed up, they shot her for waving a fire arm.

Q. What do cops and firemen have in common?
A. Both want to be firemen.

Q. Why do policemen have bigger balls than firemen?
A They sell more tickets.

Q. Which trophy did the firefighter get at the Fireman's Ball?
A. The Extinguished Service Award.

Q. Why did the cops arrest the guy for pulling five people out of a burning building?
A. 'Cause they were the firefighters!

Q. Why did God create policemen?
A. So firemen could have heroes.

Q. Do old firemen ever die?
A. No, but their career may go up in smoke.

Did you hear about the Colorado tourist who got cold while paddling up stream? He lit a fire in his boat, only to discover you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

Q. Why did the blonde hiker put his bed in a campfire?
A. Because he wanted to sleep like a log.

Fire Fighting Tip of the Day: Before you atempt to fight fire with fire, always consider using water instead.

Q. How did campers in the remote campground build a campfire.
A. In the sticks.

Q. How did the heroic fireman save the cat stuck up in a tree?
A. He went out on a limb.

Blonde Gardener Point to Ponder: Why does fire grow when it's fed, but die when it's watered?

Q. Where is a wildfire's favorire place to eat?
A. Windy's.

Q. What do you call the heroic fireman who was featured on the evening TV news?
A. Flamous.

Q. Why was the handsome fireman so popular with the ladies?
A. He finds them hot and leaves them wet.

Q. What did the fireman say when his crew arrived at the blaze at the church?
A. Holy Smokes!

Q. What happens if you search Google for "how to start a fire?"
A. You get 1,464,234 matches.

Fireman Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, where ever I go, I'm greeted with great warmth.

Did you hear about the ambitious guy who was trying to climb the ladder at work for years? He just wasn't cut out to be a fireman...

Blonde: Help! My house is on fire!
Fire Chief: OK, how do we get there?
Blonde: In the big red truck. Duh!

Q. Why was the chef charged with arson on the 4th of July?
A. 'Cause he was skilled at pie roll techinques.

Q. What life-saving advice did the fireman give the clumsy, fire-prone baker?
A. Stop, dropping, rolls.

My girlfriend is such a bad cook that she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

Hot and Steamy Point to Ponder: If a guy and his wife are trying to have sex and their slow cooker sets off the fire alarm, is that being crock blocked?

Q. Why are Greek firemen so ineffective?
A. 'Cause you're not supposed to put water on a Greece fire.

The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise, but the fire truck ruined it...

It's always nice to hear you'll be working from home today, unless you're a fire fighter.

Q. What happened when cavemen discovered fire and cavemen discovered weed?
A. The Stone Age began.

Q. What is it called when a guy sets his girlfriend on fire?
A. FlamBae.

Q. Why didn't the cat lady's husband put the cat out?
A. 'Cause he didn't know it was on fire.

Q. What should you do if you see a fireman?
A. Dude, put it out!

Smokey Point to Ponder: If you see a fireman standing outside the fire station smoking, do you wonder how many cigarettes are started by fire?

Aussie Fireman Pick-Up Line: Hey hottie, is your bush on fire?

Q. Who showed up when the blonde lit the candles on her birthday cake?
A. The fire department!

True Story: Dad wanted me to be a fireman, so he installed a pole from the upstairs hall to the livingroom. I didn't grow up to be a firefighter, but both my sisters are pole dancers.

Grandpa always said that you fight fire with fire. That explains why he was fired from the fire department...

Flaming Funny Groan of the Day: The guy's backyard barbeque party was so smokin' that even the fire department showed up.

Q. After the shoe factory burned down what did the firemen call the one shoe they were able to save?
A. The sole survivor.

Q. Why did the Fire Chief fire the rookie fire fighter?
A. Because the fireman was just such a burnout.

Zoned Out Pick-Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Mary Jane? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you're on fire!

Denver LoDo Hookup Line: Hey Bud, I blaze on the first date!

Today's Hot Groan: Light a fire for a man, and you'll keep him warm all day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life...

Zoner Pick-Up Line: Hey, you're on fire! No, wait, that's just my blunt.

Pothead Pick Up Line: Wow, it just got hot in here 'cause your kush is smoking!

Q. What did the pymaniac parents say their child when he told them he wanted to be a fireman?
A. You are no longer arson!

Q. Do old arsonists ever die?
A. No, but they do lose their spark. Did you hear about the blonde camper who slept like a log? She woke up in the campfire...

Q. What did the fireman in Guadalahara name his two sons?
A. Hose A and Hose B.

Q. When did the firemen come to the rescue?
A. During the ladder part of the day.

Q. Which word begins with the letter F and ends in UCK?
A. FiretrUCK.

During the big fire across the street, an onlooker woman told her neighbor,
"I don't know whether to watch the fire or watch my husband. 'Cause if if watch one, the other will go out."

Q. Which are the Human Torch's favorite kinds of candy?
A. Fireballs and Red Hots!

Q. What is the worst thing about working at the fire hydrant factory?
A. There is no place to park.

Q. Why did the fireman resign from the department?
A. The job was a bad match.

Superhero Pick-Up Line: Hey hottie, was your daddy the Human Torch? 'Cause you are on fire, Grill!

Q. Why did the rapper become a fireman?
A. He knows where all da hose at.

Flaming Hot Pick-Up Line: Damn bae, are you a fire alarm? 'Cause you are really loud and annoying.

Q. What sort of women do firemen always go for?
A. Only hose.

Q. What happens if you're sitting on the toilet and your smoke alarm goes off?
A. It scares the shit out of you!

Q. What is the opposite of fire fly?
A. Water fall.

Old fireflies never die. They just glow on and off and on and off...

Q. What did the urban fireman say when he entered a blazing hot strip club?
A. Where my hose at?

Q. Why does everybody on the street call the hot guy Fireman?
A. 'Cause he know how turn on da hoes.

Q. Why is being attractive a requirement to be a fireman?
A. 'Cause they have to be able to turn the whoes on.

Did you hear about the blonde camper who slept like a log? She woke up in the campfire...

Q. Which kind of match won't ever start a fire?
A. A boxing match.

Q. What really lights up the court?
A. A tennis match!

Q. Why don't matches play baseball?
A. Because one strike, and they're out!

Weedy Funny Chat Up Line Award: Hey dude, you just blew five smoke rings, so you are inducted into the pothead Olympic hall of fame!

Pick Up an Aussie Firefighter Line: G'day mate. Are you a fireman? 'Cause my bush is on fire.

Q. What do a tornado, a flood, a fire and a divorce all have in common?
A. They're all ways to lose your house.

Q. A weed grow next to the butcher shop was on fire. How did Denver TV news describe the scene?
A. High steaks!

Q. What do you call a business jacket that's on fire?
A. A blazer.

Q. Which Medieval knight really enjoyed cooking outdoors over a fire?
A. Sir Loin.

Q. Why can't dragons join the fire department?
A. 'Cause dragons aren't real men.

Q. How are gerbils and cigareetes alike?
A. Both are hamless unless you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Cannabis Pick Up Line: Hey, you're so hot that I don't even need a lighter!

Q. What happened after the arson fire at the mattress factory?
A. Nobody could rest until the culprit was captured.

Toasty Groan of the Day: A guy who loves throwing house warming parties is back in jail. The cops call it arson.

Q. How is sketchy Tinder date just like a fire?
A. Both start with a match, and end with a burning sensation.

Q. Who wrote last year's hot best seller, My Fire is Gone?
A. Em Burr.

Down Unda Point to Ponder; If an Aussie mate sets his pubic hair on fire, is that considered an Australian bush fire?

Q. Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A. To hold their pants up.

Q. What did the gay pride folks call thier flaming hot backyard party?
A. LGBBQ.

Q. Why did the fireman resign from the department's arson division?
A. The job was a bad match.

Q. Why did the blonde tape a bag of microwave popcorn to the ceiling?
A. 'Cause the old smoke alarm needed to be replacef.

Hot Fact of the Day: When it comes to lighting a candle, using matches is usually a sure fire way.

Q. How did the fireman lose his job?
A. He got fired.

Q. Why did the pimp become a fireman?
A. 'Cause he know where all the hoes at.

Q. Where do fire fighters go to hook up online?
A. Tinder.

Q. What did the fireman say at Thanksgiving dinner?
A. Stop, drop, and pass the rolls.

Q. Why was the guy whose right hand was on fire worried about getting arrested?
A. He didn't want to get caught for illegal possesion of a fire arm.

Q. Which kind of dream do firemen hope for?
A. A wet dream.

Q. In the event of a fire, what steps shuld you take?
A. Very large ones.

Q. What did the fireman say was the best way to put out a fire?
A. Take away the heat, fuel, oxygen and the chief.

Q. How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. Two to cut a hole in the roof, and one to screw in the bulb.

Groan of the Day: Working at home really sucks, if you're a fireman.

Q. How are they doing at the new fireworks factory?
A. Business is booming.

Q. How can you tell that a fireman has died?
A. The remote control falls out of his hand.

Q. What do you get if Santa goes down a chimney into a lit fireplace?
A. Krisp Kringle.

Q. Which firemen were mentioned in the Bible?
A. The three wise men. They came from aFire.

Q. What did the religious fireman say when his crew arrived at the blaze at the church?
A. Oh Hell!

Q. Which award did the mayor give the fireman who put out the most fires?
A. Most Extinguished.

Q. Which online hookup site is preferred by arsnists?
A. Tinder.

Q. Why did the guy get fired for asking new customers if they prefer Smoking or Non-Smoking?
A. Because the proper terminology is Cremation or Burial?

Old firemen never die, but they do go up in smoke.

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