Freud Day Friday!
you hear about the shrink who spent a long weekend at a
winter psychologist convention in Aspen? On Monday morning,
he reported that he'd never seen so many Freudian slips.
I feel like a spoon.
Shrink: Okay, sit down and try not to stir.
How do you see yourself?
Dracula: I don't.
I think I'm turning into a frog.
Shrink: No, you're just playing too much croquet.
Why did the rope go to a psychiatrist?
A. Because its nerves were frayed.
I think I'm a mosquito.
Shrink: Go away sucker!
the Shrink's Couch: My psychiatrist told me a great way
to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you
hate, and then bury them. That really did help! Now I'm
wondering what to do with the letters?
Doc, I feel like a sheep.
Shrink: Oh, that's baaaaaad.
Doc, I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins.
Shrink: I just can't make heads or tails of it.
Which mental patient wrote the book, I think I'm Not
A. Lune E. Tikk.
Which psychiatrist wrote the self-help book, One More
Way To Deal With Stress?
A. Val E. Umm.
two egotists meet for lunch, it's an I for an I.
Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog!
Shrink: Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
Patient: I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture!
When should you take a cookie to a psychiatrist?
A. When it feels crummy.
I think I'm turning into a dog.
Shrink: How long have you felt that way?
Patient: Ever since I was whelped. sh
I feel like I'm turning into a bear.
Psychiatrist: How long have you felt this way?
Patient: Ever since I was a cub.
Thought of the Day: My dad sent me to the shrink because
he caught me wearing his bra yesterday.
Why did the dumb mental patient stand in the corner of the
psychiatrist's waiting room and blow hot air on everybody
A. Because he's a big fan of Dr. Phil.
Which former patient wrote the book, Mental Health Changed
A. Lou Nee Bynn.
I think I'm a turtle.
Shrink: Relax. Soon we'll get you out of your shell.
What do you call the short insane guy at the mental hospital
who claims he's a little green space man?
A. An Astro-Nut!
I think I'm a moth.
Shrink: Please get out of my light.
I feel like an apple.
Shrink: Okay, we'll try to get to the core of that.
Why was the architect seeing a psychiatrist?
A. Because he had an edifice complex.
I keep thinking there are two of me.
Shrink: One at a time, please.
walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, "Doctor,
you've got to help me. I think I'm a deck of cards."
The shrink replies, "Sit over there, and I'll deal
with you later."
Who wrote the book, I'm Pretty Spaced Out?
A. Luna Tyckk.
Doc, I keep dreaming there's a monster under my bed. What
can I do?
Shrink: Saw the legs off your bed frame.
Why was the psychiatrist so happy to receive a wicker attache?
A. 'Cause he always wanted a basket case.
Doc, I feel like a hundred-dollar bill.
Psychiatrist: Go to the store. Change would do you good.
Doctor, everybody thinks I'm trash.
Shrink: Oh, don't talk rubbish!
I keep thinking I'm a bee.
Shrink: Oh buzz off, can't you see I'm busy?
Do old psychiatrists ever die?
A. No, they just shrink away.