Q. Where do vampires get all their jokes? A. From crypt Writers!   PainfulPuns.com - Frightful Puns, Scary Jokes, Deadly LOL!

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Q. What is a vampire's favorite fast food? A. A person with really high blood pressure!
Q. Which song do vampires really detest? A. You Are My Sunshine!
Q. Why did the vampire tke up acting? A. It was in his blood!
Q. Did you hear about the vampir who was locked up in an asylum? A. He Went Bats!


Vampire Humor, Bloody Funny Puns, Joke Bites
4 out of 5 blood suckers devour vampire jokes, batty humor, vein laughs and cryptic puns.

Dracula Humor, Vampire Jokes, Batty Puns
(Because Vampire Jokes, Hypnotic Halloween Humor, and Biting Puns Are Never Main Bloodstream Enough!)
Warning: Zone In at Your Own Peril! Hellish humor, batty vampire jokes, and bloody funny puns bleed ahead.
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Q. How does a vampire ask for a date? A. Let's go out for a bite!Q. Why did a vampire drive on the highway? A. He was told it was a main artery!Q. What is a vampire's favorite dance? A. The Fangdango!

Q. What is a vampire's favorite dance?
A. The Fango!

Q. How do vampires get around?
A. On blood vessels.

Q. What do vegans and vampires have in common?
A. They don't eat at stake houses.

Bloody Funny Groan of the Day: Vampire puns really suck!

Q. What do you get if you cross a laptop and a vampire?
A. Love at first byte.

Q. What do you get if you cross Google with a vampire?
A. A know-it-all that's a real pain in the neck!

Q. Where do blood-sucking vampire comedians get their best jokes?
A. From a crypt writer.

Q. Why is Hollywood full of vampires?
A. They need someone to do bit parts!

Q. Why did Count Dracula take up acting?
A. Because it was in his blood.

Q. Why was the vampire so grumpy?
A. Too much B negative.

Vampire Point to Ponder: Do beginner vampires have to go to batting practice?

Q. Why is a vampire good to take out for a meal? A. Because they eat necks to nothing!Q. What is a vampire's favorite soup? A. Scream of Tomato!Q. How did a ghost say goodbye to the vampire? A. So Long, Sucker!

Q. Why do vampires hate arguments?
A. Because they don't want to get cross.

Q. What happened when Dracula uploaded illegal content to YouTube?
A. A count suspended.

Q. What is a vampire's favorite Shakespeare play?
A. A Midsummer Bite's Dream.

Q. What do you call a vampire addict?
A. Count Drugula.

Q. Why did the guy break up with his vampire girlfriend?
A. 'Cause she sucked the life right out of him.

Bloody Funny Fact That Counts: On reflection, vampires aren't that scary!

Q. What do you call it when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A. A grave problem!

Q. What did the horny vampire say to Superman?
A. See you in the Kryp-tonite.

Q. How does a vampire start a letter?
A. Tomb it may concern.

Q. What do you call a short vampire? A. A pain in the knee!Q. How are vampires artistic? A. They're good at drawing blood!Q. What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula? A. Join His Fang Club!

Q. Why do people hate being bitten by vampires so much?
A. Because it's a drain in the neck!

Q. What do you call a vampire ophthalmologist in Transylvanaia?
A. Count Dr-ocular.

Shrink: How do you see yourself?
Dracula: I don't.

Q. What do you call the planning behind stabbing Dracula?
A. Pain-Staking.

Q. Why did the vampire flunk out of art school?
A. Because he could only draw blood!

Q. What is a vampire's favorite circus act?
A. He really goes for the juggler.

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and aggressive Internet advertising?
A. A blood thirsty hacker.

Q. Why doesn't Dracula want to become an investment banker?
A. Because he hates stakeholders.

Q. What is Dracula's porn star name?
A. Vlad the Impaler.

Q. What do you call a vampire with asthma?
A. Vlad the inhaler.

Q. How did the vampire die of a broken heart?
A. He loved in vein.

Q. What did Dracula's wife say to the divorce lawyer after she caught the Count cheating on her?
A. Just bleed him dry!

Q. What's a vampire's favorite drink? A. A Bloody Mary!Q. Why are vampires so easy to fool? A. Because they're suckers!Q. What does a vampire take for a bad cold? A. Coffin Drops!

Q. What did the three vampires order at the bar?
A. Two Bloods and a Blood Light.

Q. How does an elderly vampire refer to his new false teeth?
A. As a new fangled invention.

Q. How does a ghost say goodbye to a vampire?
A. He says, "So long, sucker."

Q. How do vampires recharge at work during mid-afternoon?
A. They take a coffin break.

Q. What did the vampire turn down the salesman joh at the mirror store?
A. He just couldn't see himself doing that.

Q. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a school teacher?
A. Lots of blood tests.

Patient: Doc, I think I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will that help?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to check your neck for leaks.

Q. What does Count Dracula worry about when he's feeling overwhelmed and stressed?
A. Low blood pressure.

Q. Why was the vampire removed from his position as company CEO?
A. Because he could not appeal to the stakeholders.

Q. What happened when the vampire turned into a poet?
A. He went from bat to verse.

Q. Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
A. To confirm she was his type.

Q. What did the psychiatrist say to the guy who thought he was a vampire.
A. Necks, please!

Q. What do you call a non-fictional vampire?
A. A real pain in the neck!

Q. How can you tell a vampire is sick?
A. He's coffin.

Old vampires never die. True story!

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